To feel this broken?

[Idprobablystilladoreyou]

Been TTC for 4 years, failed our first IVF cycle 2 weeks ago. Got straight on the horse and started another cycle. But I'm utterly heartbroken. I feel like the lights are on but no-one is home. I'm going through the motions at work, socialising with friends, putting a brave face on with DH. He has said we'll give it a red hot crack, but it can't go on indefinitely as he doesn't want to put me through the mill. So I feel like if I tell him, he'll pull the pin. All I want to do is sleep and I can't even do that. I feel like I'm making a drama out of nothing, I knew it would be tough. I know I should be thankful to be able to explore IVF. Can someone help me out of this mood please, I need a kick up the butt and don't seem to have the energy for it myself. AIBU to feel this way when I went into this with my eyes wide open.

Oh love that sounds so awful for you.

Yanbu.

Infertility is hard. IVF is hard. Negative cycles are really fucking hard. Please be gentle with yourself. You're allowed to feel however you feel.

Is there no way you can maybe pull a sickie and have a duvet day/mental health day? You certainly deserve it x

Would love a sickie, but need all my days for treatment. So just need to solider on somehow. How do people get through this? I'm not sure I can have cycle after cycle. Nor can I be childless.....

Maybe take a break between cycles?

I had five sessions of IUI over three years and they weren't back to back or as invasive as IVF, and I still felt like I'd been through the wringer.

All I can suggest is take it as easy as you possibly can - no chance of taking an unpaid sickie? And talk to your DP.

I'm out next week for egg collection so will need days then, churning through my sick days. I know I need to talk to DH, but I don't want him to put the brakes on. I just need to pray this cycle works.