To feel crap about how I look?

[fedupofmylook]

That really. NC in case this is outing in any way. I'm in my mid forties with young kids. The majority of mums I come into contact with are younger than me. I generally look young for my age but signs of ageing are definitely starting to show, I know this is inevitable.
I would say I'm fairly average looking but can scrub up well, but at the moment I really feel crap about how I look. I suppose having young kids and so much less time to spend on myself doesn't help. I've never had great skin and still get spots, I'm always so envious of women with lovely clear skin. I'm prone to thread veins, although they're not awful yet I'm sure they'll get worse. Every time I see a photo of myself I always think my teeth look yellow. I have a good few grey hairs and use home dyes, mostly because maintaining dying with a hairdresser is expensive.
I wear make up everyday because I don't feel confident without it. I have pale skin so often use fake tan for a healthier look.
I know this all sounds so shallow but I look at myself in the mirror and just want to look smart and presentable.
Do other people feel this way?
Do people spend a lot of money on smartening themselves up? I don't tend to be a big spender on beauty treatments but maybe it's time to start.
I am going to look into teeth whitening which I know won't be cheap but I need a boost.
I don't even want to start on my wardrobe! Jeans and a top, that's pretty much it.
I know this is all down to me to change but I would love to hear other people's tips.
Sorry for the long post, feeling a bit meh. I'm prepared to be shot down in flames for being so shallow. Im I just in a rut?

I know exactly how you feel. Not sure of a solution but just want you to know you aren't alone!

Thank you coffee! Feel like I've lost myself a bit.

I definitely feel like I have lost myself - my self confidence is non existent, but mine is due to how much weight I have put on. I just can't seem to stop eating and eat healthily. I just binge eat and then feel worse about myself and eat some more 🤷‍♀️

Hairdresser for a nice new hairstyle - maybe even a colour? It always gives me a boost!

Me too OP, & im only 27. Young toddler & preggo. Skins shit, hairs shit, feel shit! I do honestly believe though you see yourself as so much worse than other people see you... because you pick out all your flaws/insecurities. Others are more likely to focus on your good bits! I never think my other mum friends look as rough as I do! They probably feel the same..

I feel exactly the same. I always have. I am also overweight by 2.5 stone, which does not sound like much but its impossible to lose it in your early 40s with medical conditions... and a demanding SEN child to boot.

I never have time for myself and what little time I have for myself... I am too exhausted to do anything. I was never a looker but I used to be fit and have a reasonable figure.

I know there are worse things but low self esteem sucks.

Sorry I can't offer any words of wisdom.

So many women feel this way me included. I'm 39 and until I had my last child 4 yrs ago I was a slim 8-10 and made an effort on my appearance daily, since the traumatic birth of my last child (only child with this partner) 3 with previous. I've gained weight I live in my pj's I don't make an effort any more! Partly because I know my man accepts and loves me for me, but I'm not the same woman physically that he fell for, I hate my body so much I don't even know the last time we had sex, when we do it's because I feel guilty that he hasn't had it in a while. I love him, he puts up with the stress of my 3 teens that he loves as his own but I feel as though I'm letting us all down. I'm in a rut!!!

Thanks for the reply's. it's so hard to really take care of yourself when life is so busy taking care of young kids. I've always been slim but really my bod is in rubbish shape. I've no real inclination to get fit and toned even though I need to. My hair is also pretty crap.
I know I should start getting my hair coloured by a hairdresser, it's just the upkeep is continual and expensive. I dare say I could budget for it. I kind of grudge it in a way but maybe it will be worthwhile just to feel better about myself. I am and always have been a little low self esteem.

I’m sure many many women feel like this! I don’t have any DC yet which I’m sure makes it much worse but even so, I often feel frumpy and gross. I do think though that there are a few little things here and there that can be done to make you feel (and look) better although of course I appreciate the time and money isn’t always feasible. Things like using a good cleaner and toner every day to even out your skin tone, spending time to straighten or do your hair every few days, buying trendier clothes, getting your eyebrows done regularly etc.

I’ve had teeth whitening before in London which cost about £80 on groupon, it lasts about 4ish months at max and worked really well although I couldn’t justify the cost every few months so only went a few times when it looked really bad.

Don't get me started on hair! The maintenance of it is expensive! I used to go hairdressers every 2 months for the works now I'm lucky if I trim my own over the bin! It's brittle n dry n grey I look like a witch, we can only change ourselves our routine our lifestyle and our priorities. Every penny that comes in this house goes on bills shopping and kids. There is nothing left for me or my partner we look like tramps in our clothes, but the kids have style, should we start being more selfish!! Sometimes I wonder

Hankib, my eyebrows are barely there from 90s overplucking! I have thought about microblading but wouldn't know where to go / who to trust, etc. I would not want slug brows either

Hankib, I hadn't thought to check groupon for teeth whitening! That's a good idea.
Emms, that made me laugh! I've been known to trim mine over the toilet! 😂
I do buy the odd bit of new clothes but really could do with a complete wardrobe overhaul. I have some nice things but struggle with getting trousers I like. Much as I'm slim I'm an apple shape. That's why I end up mostly in jeans as it's less hassle.

I've also thought of microblading.

Maybe stop colouring your hair and just get a really good cut? Then it would be in good condition and be easier to style.

Been there! And still there st times. I’m ok looking with effort... I have to do these things or just feel miserable! It’s important for me to feel and look ok....

Brows every month, BEST investment
Colour own hair (a semi perm natural colour)
Overnight hair treatment once or twice a week
Face mask once or twice a week
One new gorgeous piece of clothing a month, and constantly wear it
Once a month go to makeup place and buy a little something and stock up on expensive samples!!!

Make the time!!!

I hear you!
Sometimes I look in the mirror and could cry, where did I go?!
The one thing I would say is very important (obviously if you can afford it) is a good hair cut.
I home dyed for years and got away with it for ages, sadly the build up really wrecks the colour and condition.
You wear your hair every day!
Home teeth whitening can be effective.
I’ve found that fixing one thing that’s getting you down gives you a big boost to fix another.
X

I've found my people. Huge hugs to everybody XX I had to go to a function last night - last minute thing, a friend won tickets. Fashion show,beauty promos,drinks reception etc. I felt horrendous. In my mind I'm still a size 10 - in reality I'm a short, squatty14-16 - I look like I have been inflated with a bicycle pump, I don't know how to dress for my shape and I've totally lost all sense of 'me' 😏🤷🏻‍♀️

Here's what makes me feel better about myself :

Wearing colours that suit me
Wearing clothes that suit me I. E showing off my best bits
Only washing my hair every other day, it looks better that way.
Plenty of thick moisturiser on every night
Loads of sleep
Loads of water
Loads of vegetables
Fake tan on
Heels
Painted nails, only a neutral colour but freshly applied

People keep mentioning hair cuts : it took me 35 years to realise I don't suit layers - instead I have a blunt cut. It looks way thicker.

I hear you. Have a look at Kettlewell Colours. You can work out what ‘season’ you are and what colours suit you best. It’s a lot of fun. Also look up body shapes and work out which styles flatter your figure. John Lewis has an online Personal Shopper. You don’t have to buy it but it’s fun to explore. You really don’t have to spend or buy a lot in my opinion. A decent hair cut IS an investment worth making! Lots of hairdressers do 50% off for first timers.

I wouldn't bother with highlights, too much maintence. My next appointment, I'm asking them to dye it as close to my natural colour. A good hair cut and nice coat/jacket works well. I have given up tea/coffee, now my teeth are white and my skin looks great. Im thinking of getting my eyebrows microbladed to better frame my face. I've started using my expensive perfume, daily. Instead of saving it for best (never), it makes me feel great every day.

It was really important to me to maintain my appearance after having kids, it sounds shallow but I feel awful if I don't. I spend a lot? of money on things that rapidly cut time off of it.

I get my legs waxed so that I don't have to shave and am always smooth.
Eyebrows threaded every two weeks.
Nails shellacd every 4 weeks.
Eyelash extensions so I don't have to wear mascara.

I also use perspirex which is a deodorant that lasts for days. For the gross reason that if I can't shower that day due to the kids being demanding, I at least won't get sticky.

I dye my hair myself.

I also wear full makeup most days and use long wearing stuff so I don't have to touch it up.

I use a lot of The Ordinary products for antiageing. They are very affordable.

I get comments on being a "glamorous mum" but it's just something I really work at because without it I feel shitty.

I don't feel that way.

But reading through all the posters who feel like you op it's clear that you feel low, negative and don't feel in control, so this negative mindset.is self perpetualing negativity isn't it?

What can you do to say enough! I need to turn this thinking around?

I will let you know what I do if it helps?

I start the day thinking about what I'm grateful for so good health, a sunny day, buds on the trees, birds singing, DH, DC, good friends, good food in the house etc.

I roll out of bed and do a few Pilates exercises for an old back injury ( ranging from a few seconds if I'm late up to 5-10 mins).

I put my hair in a pony tail so I don't have to spend money on hairdressers.

Basically it's about taking positive control of life and body as if I am a family pet

If you envision yourself as a sad, neglected rescue that needs lots of love, TLC and good food and exercise and treats to look forward to you might get a transformation.

You can't have good hair, skin, and a positive outlook without overhauling what you eat with exercise and fresh air and being kind to yourself.

See if it works. Good luck

I’m following with interest and feel exactly the same OP.

With 2 under 2 (one of which is a bad sleeper!) and working full time, I just look a state. DH and I have no money to spend on ourselves. Even if we had spare cash, I’m overweight so the little free time I have to myself, I try to spend at the gym/exercising rather than on treatments. I was given some money for Christmas to get my teeth whitened which I was SO EXCITED about...but I recently found out I’m pregnant so I now can’t do that (obviously I know how lucky I am to be pregnant and all I want is a healthy pregnancy, but it’s still tough when I thought I could finally do something for ‘me’).

Diet and hormones will be either your friends or enemies on hair and skin. Your are in your 40s so the menopause will be causing havoc with hair and will continue to do so. If you can, do something about these factors, diet at least.

Product wise
For skin try a retinol based product for night. These are strong products and need to be used with care so do your research. I got a freebie that is very expensive and use that. It has amazing effect. But people say that Superdrug do a good one. Get a good cleanser, acid exfoliater and daytime moisturiser. Look for active ingredient not brand.
Sadly I find for hair you need expensive salon products. Others may have better suggestions but I use Devines

I would not use fake tan as it ruins your skin. Ditto gel nails, expensive pointless and they ruin your nails. There is a reason dentists don’t recommend bleaching btw, it ruins your teeth.

Treatments I rate in order of preference.

• good lash extensions, these can be very subtle of done right. But they are expensive to maintain and time consuming to apply.
• Good haircut. I use a junior stylist at my salon (only one available at the last minute). She is way better than the senior ones so I save a bit. I only go every 2-3months.
• highlights but I have hair that needs them. I couldn’t do a single colour. Would if I could.
• Brows but I can do this at home myself.
• facials but I do these at home myself from a bag of sample products.