To ask whether anyone has used Clare's Law? And should I?

[Feefoe8]

Basically my cousin has been with a man for nearly a year. On around half a dozen occasions there have been strange things happen. They will be out with people and she'll be speaking to someone, and he will grow paranoid and aggressive. On two occasions he has shoved her, and being twice her size it's been quite hard. He has left her with his friends to storm off home. He has threatened suicide twice. Neither she nor any of his friends have ever been in his house or know his address. Apparently he's embarrassed by the mess. After every incident they split up for around an hour and she says he's getting help and she loves him too much to split.

I've tried to keep it vague, but AIBU to think he could be dangerous and something isn't right? Would I be unreasonable to speak to the police about Clare's Law? As I understand it, they'll tell her if they think she's in danger from him?

I thought she had to ask for it? can you do it on someone elses behalf?

No, anyone at all can do it, but the police will only tell her if there's anything to tell, not me. It's all in here - www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/daa/domestic-abuse/af/clares-law/

You can do it on someone else’s behalf. They have strict criteria as to what, if anything they can disclose but will act if they feel she is at risk.
Ultimately though it sounds as if she is aware that he can be violent but is either afraid of him or desperate to believe that he can change. By all means speak with the police if you are concerned but the best support she can get is from her friends and family. Don’t let him isolate her. Talk to her honestly about your concerns.

Thats good to know. I think you should do it then.

Thanks. It's such as odd one. When I met him he was as genuinely lovely as can be, and then like a switch was flicked he was strange and paranoid.

Does anyone know if paranoia is a sign of anything? It's like he all of a sudden thinks that everyone is talking about him when they're not.

It would make sense if he has some sort of past, he's getting defensive and lashing out. Either there's something to hide or he's just vile anyway! But if there is something at least it'll help your cousin come to her senses, hopefully anyway!

Not necessarily. Although playing the victim ‘everyone’s picking on me’ etc an be part of his controlling behaviour. You could spend your whole life trying to pick apart his actions Just concentrate on your cousin that’s the main thing. I hope she’s ok x

Thank you. I just can't understand it. I'm baffled as to why she can't see how wrong it all is. Last time he sent her photos of him apparently attempting suicide. I'm fairly sure it was an act to teach her how to behave. Why can't she see through it?

And why is no one allowed to go to his house? I wish I could find out his address.

Many people who are abused don't know such behaviour is wrong simply because they are in love with the abuser. Even if they split up from the abuser they still may not know that how they were treated is wrong for a very long time especially if they still have contact with the abuser.

Please stick with your cousin. Don't openly criticise him as it will drive her further to him and let him gain more control over her.

My sister went to her local police station and asked about Clare's Law. Within half an hour there were police cars at her door and the guy was arrested.

Does anyone know if paranoia is a sign of anything? Drug use.

My sister went to her local police station and asked about Clare's Law. Within half an hour there were police cars at her door and the guy was arrested. Oh really? Did she want that to happen?

Does anyone know if paranoia is a sign of anything? Drug use. I've thought this. It only see,ms to happen when he's on a big night out.

FeeFoe Not what she wanted or expected but he'd broken bail conditions and not turned up in court at the other end of the country.