Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Suffering and getting no affection.

12 replies

mammy0f0ne · 03/03/2019 00:49

So I was diagnosed with depression a couple of days ago after seeking help as my son deserved that.

My partner is not affectionate towards me in the bedroom Blush
I feel this does not help with the depression, as soon as we're in bed he turns his back to me, won't even give me a cuddle or a kiss.

Aibu to crave his affection?!?

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/03/2019 00:53

Have you spoken to him about it?

mammy0f0ne · 03/03/2019 00:55

He just brushes it off and says he's tired.

OP posts:
FissionChip5 · 03/03/2019 00:57

Might be suffering stress from dealing with your depression.

Is he affectionate in other ways?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/03/2019 00:57

Will he kiss and cuddle you before bed?

mammy0f0ne · 03/03/2019 00:59

To be honest I don't really talk to him about my feelings he's not very sympathetic. He had no idea about the depression until I came home from the doctors on Wednesday.

He holds my hand sitting on the sofa and sometimes puts his arm around me but that's about it. This has only started since November time and it's really starting to upset me further

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2019 01:12

It’s only Saturday, he’s probably not sure what’s going on if it’s so recent and you haven’t really told him how you feel.

Your depression and the lack of sex aren’t necessarily connected, unless you’re saying you’re depressed because he’s not having sex with you? What did the doctor say? Are you receiving help or treatment?

You know how you’ve been feeling and good on you for seeing your doctor but if this is the first your partner has heard of any of it he might be coming to terms with it still and thinks the last thing he should be doing is expecting a shag.

mammy0f0ne · 03/03/2019 01:17

Sorry Anne, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. I'm not "after a shag" I want him to give me a cuddle and a kiss and tell me he loves me. Not to just roll over and go to sleep.

I've been referred to counselling from the doctor as I didn't want drugs if I didn't need them, praying I won't.

OP posts:
Ce7913 · 03/03/2019 01:23

It sounds like he's checked out, for whatever reason.

He could be stressed, he could have his own underlying medical/hormonal condition that he's as yet unaware of, or just going through a low point for other reasons, e.g. work, legal issues, not practising self-care, sleep issues etc.

If you've recently been having a lot of arguments, etc., he could feel disconnected because of that.

Or he could be having an affair, or just plain indifferent and thinking about ending the relationship.

The only way you'll know is if you sit down with no distractions and open a dialogue.

There's no guarantee that you'll get a considered or honest answer from him, but you can only try.

I will say that the fact he had no idea whatsoever that you were depressed doesn't exactly speak volumes about him as a partner.

And the immediate physical blocking of affection upon getting into bed is never a good sign, especially as it's a change in behaviour that's now lasted months.

Perhaps you're depressed, in part at least, because you have an indifferent, emotionally unavailable partner who doesn't support you through your medical difficulties.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2019 01:51

I said he wouldn’t be expecting a shag, not you.

Iflyaway · 03/03/2019 02:04

I think Ce7913's last paragraph is spot on.

It's very cold of him OP to treat you like this.

You would not ignore your partner if they had broken a leg for instance...
Why apply a different attitude to a mental health situation?

Good to hear you're going for counselling.

sandgrown · 03/03/2019 07:44

My partner has suffered for years with depression. The medication has lessened his interest in sex but his mood swings and general negativity make it hard to be affectionate to him. His counsellor has told him to ask for cuddles but it's hard to cuddle someone who has been nasty to you.
I am not saying this is typical of your behaviour OP but something to consider .

swingofthings · 03/03/2019 07:54

Living with someone who suffers from depression is hard, very hard. They dumpen you move so you yourself stsrt feeling low. You start questioning whether it's your fault and battle with guilt. You are worried of the impa t on your relationship, the future, so you feel anxious. You feel guilty if suddenly you do something that makes you happy. You might also be shattered from the extra responsibilities you pick up and you might be angry with the situation. Ultimately it can be hard to love someone who has stopped loving themselves.

It's hard to give when you are yourself affected by something you have no control over. I hope counselling will help and gradually you can start feeling a bit happier and in return your partner will stsrt feeling closer to you too.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.