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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I tell my friend

41 replies

Kel801 · 03/03/2019 00:37

How do I tell my friend to reduce talk about her children, she has become really boring and even started a what’s app group to share his life with me (and others).

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/03/2019 00:38

As on the other thread, if it’s just boring not inappropriate, no need to tell her anything. Just ignore and scroll past.

JenniferJareau · 03/03/2019 00:42

Maybe at times you bore her and she is too polite to tell you.

GiantButtonsAreMyFave · 03/03/2019 00:44

Do you have kids yourself? Is this just about your friend who used to be fun but is now a mum and isn't the fun carefree person she used to be? Or are you in a mums group and she just a bit obsessed with her child? How old is the child?

Original poster
Kel801 · 03/03/2019 00:57

Yes I’m a mum as well. We were not friends prior to having kids. I don’t think I can’t continue to just scroll past, she is expecting a replying. I don’t want this to upset the friendship but I also don’t want to continue current trend of avoiding her

OP posts:
Spudina · 03/03/2019 00:58

Leave the Whatsapp group. Nothing like 'Kel8O1' left to get the message across. You might start a mass exodus.

pictish · 03/03/2019 01:01

You can’t say it without being hurtful. I have a ‘friend’ who talks about her daughter in great detail which I find really boring.
I have tried everything except bluntly telling her outright that she is boring me. I have tried to change the subject, give little by way of response and even allowed myself to visibly glaze over (rude in normal circumstances) while she is boring on, hoping she will pick up on it. She doesn’t. To make matters worse, she gives any mention of my own kids a short shrift.
She also tries to make me play board games. Like I’ll be having a cuppa and find myself in front of a board with ‘my’ cards or token being dealt out...because her dd wants to play it. Saying no thanks is met with an awkward, stunned silence, so I feel rude refusing them.

I think she has many sound qualities and is a wonderful human being...but I can’t be doing with it and have started to avoid her. I don’t feel great about it and don’t wish her any ill will. It’s just not for me.

AuntMarch · 03/03/2019 01:01

Leave the WhatsApp group "I'd much rather catch up on how the DCs are doing when we get together in person"

GunpowderGelatine · 03/03/2019 01:03

Don't. Unless you're happy to lose that friend.

shpoot · 03/03/2019 01:10

@PurpleDaisies** was that the charity thread? I came back to see if the pp I was responding to had responded and it was deleted!

Insomnibrat · 03/03/2019 01:10

I don't really have a practical response but I can sympathise. I have a friend who sends me ENDLESS daily photos and blow by blow updates of what the boys are upto. What they're wearing, what they're watching, what they're eating, what they're reading.
I'm glad they're all happy, safe and well but beyond that.... I DON'T CARE.

Much like you, I'm completely met with a blank when I try to move the conversation on, or god forbid, mention something going on with me.

Why do they do it!?!

shpoot · 03/03/2019 01:10

Oh sorry, didn't answer your AIBU op. Erm, probably just leave the whatsapp there and wait out this period

Original poster
Kel801 · 03/03/2019 01:22

Thank you for this reply!

OP posts:
BeekyChitch · 03/03/2019 01:23

My friend has also done the same!! I get so many updates a day of videos of her DD eating, in the bath, crawling and I don't give a flying fuck as much as I love them both. I just ignore. If I leave the group she will most definitely be pissed off at me so I just scroll past. Dreading the "look at DD doing a pee in the potty" posts....

SpringForEver · 03/03/2019 01:26

Reply with, 'Oh yes, my DD also eats, laughs takes a bath and uses the potty, fancy that'.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/03/2019 01:36

To make matters worse, she gives any mention of my own kids a short shrift.

How often do we hear of this on MN - somebody doesn't want to hurt somebody who's doing something unreasonable, yet the person doing that unreasonable thing has no such qualms about upsetting them in return.

Can you challenge her as to why she tells you so much about her kids but then blanks you when you say anything to her about yours? It might help if, in the run-up to challenging her, you persist doggedly and shamelessly in relating the most tediously dull things about your own children for a long time, every time you see her, obliviously ignoring all her attempts to shut you down, but all the while making a mental note of her reactions to use as ammunition.

Actually leaving the thread can cause a lot of ill-feeling that you may not want to do - however innocent and noble your reasons, people will see it as a massive flounce and a gross snub to them as people - but you can always just mute the thread and ignore it.

If she asks what you thought of her latest post or asks why you don't reply, you can quite reasonably say that you're having to scale right back on your WhatsApp usage in general as it's started to demand so much of your time with constant new messages on so many groups well, hers, anyway that you'd never get anything done if you jumped every time it beeps (or you've switched off notifications). Maybe your boss has noticed it and made negative comments....

Tell her that you scan through it periodically and read any work ones but otherwise assume that people will call you* about anything urgent or important. You often don't notice things until the conversation has moved on and the moment for adding to it would have long passed.

*This is one problem with no-effort mass spam communications - nobody would ever take the trouble to call somebody just to tell them how funny it was when their toddler was dancing to the telly, but they'll film it and stick it on a WhatsApp group and send it to everybody they've ever known without a moment's thought.

Klopptimist · 03/03/2019 01:41

Can you reply with something like 'I love that wallpaper, where did you get it'?

Kneehigim · 03/03/2019 01:41

You could play one upmanship!

Your dd ate a petit filous?

Mine ate a carrot stick and hummus today. He's so ahead of himself. I think he was out before.

Kneehigim · 03/03/2019 01:43

Your dd is having a bath?

My ds washes his own hair and demands conditioner. I think I'm rearing a metropolitan man. *sigh

Kneehigim · 03/03/2019 01:46

My ex sil was like this. New mum. She'd bombard facebook with photos of him. The first few are cute, then it gets boring.

Kneehigim · 03/03/2019 01:47

Only photos I ever sent would be photos of them wearing an outfit someone had bought for them (sent only to the gift-giver!).

Kneehigim · 03/03/2019 01:49

Some people don't seem to realise that your kids are only interesting to you (and grandparents).

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/03/2019 01:55

You could always play her at her own game and set up your own WA group - co-opt a few sympathetic friends/family-members to add, so it's not obvious what you're doing, but tell them straightaway to mute and ignore it at their end.

Call the group 'Amazing Bargains!!!!!!!!!!' and invest some time in sending constant made-up group messages about Asda having 2p off frozen parsnips for one week only, Spar are selling off brown bananas at half-price before they turn to liquid, random Lidl 'surprise aisle' special buys such as mitre saw blade protectors are selling out quickly - only 6 left, now only 5, just 4 now, last 3, only 2 left, last one - buy it or miss out forever!.

Make sure you concentrate your -bombardments-- bulletins around the times when you know she'll be most busy and not welcome them at all, but be unable to resist looking as it might be some exciting news.

Wait for her to crack and ask why you're doing it. Feign innocence and agree, saying that it's so easy to waste time on WA with messages that, in spite of your best intentions, end up just bogging down and annoying your friends. Thank her and tell her that she's directly inspired you to decide to give up or scale back your WA usage brutally for urgent need-to-know stuff only - and then give her a long, hard Paddington stare until (hopefully) the penny drops.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/03/2019 01:56

bombardment - strikeout fail!

VibezCartel · 03/03/2019 01:56

Could you say something like: your phone has been playing up recently and so you took it to a mobile phone repair shop. They advised your phone could have been affected by all the photos, videos etc. So they recommended you delete them from your phone and try to prevent any more coming through (hence leaving The WhatsApp group).

Now I know this might sound a bit far fetched, but you could play dumb and just say 'well that's what the mobile phone shop said'.

RedTartanLass · 03/03/2019 02:00

I used to work with a woman like that, her ds was 4 at the time and ALL she would talk about was how amazingly clever he was and such an eco warrior. So so so incredibly boring. I would rather chew my own arm off than have to listen to her.

But I sat next to her, I did everything a pp mentioned, blankly staring off into space , laughingly saying "Oh not another ds story", doing oneupmanship "Oh your ds did that? Well my dc did this!"

Nothing worked! She'd even tell visiting clients about him. She honestly thought he was unique, which he was ... to her!

Lordy it was a nightmare, ended up moving desks before I killed her.