Settle in folks..
Was with my ex for 6 years. We have a 4 year old and have been seperated for almost 2 years (this May).
To put a very long and depressing story short, he was very controlling from the start (I was a mere 19 when we met) and by a year in we were living together and I had been isolated from all my friends and rarely saw my family. I then found out I was pregnant (I was happy, he was not) and at around 4 months I discovered he had been sending flirty texts back and forth for well over a month to a 16 year old girl that he worked with. (I think more happened than just text but I honestly don't know) I flipped out (obviously) but forgave him and we moved on.
Fast forward to my son being around 8 months old, I was suffering from PND but didn't realise it, and my libido was at an all time low (something that he constantly brought up and made me feel terrible about). I went on a staff night out, came home quite drunk and he raped me.
It wasn't violent, I didn't try push him off after the first time. I was way too drunk to be able to really. I cried a lot the next day and he didn't mention it.
I spent the next couple of years with him, hardly sleeping, having suicidal thoughts, he continued to assault me but this time he tried to do it when I was asleep. There were several times I woke up to him doing things to me thinking I was asleep. I'm not sure why now, but I always just lay there pretending to be alseep hoping it would be over soon. I don't really know why I never confronted him on it at the time.
Anyway I finally snapped and it all came out one night, and I tore him a new one. He cried, said he had a problem, he'd get help and he loves me blah blah.
I kicked him out and he's been living with his parents ever since.
(Btw the reason I didn't press charges is because I had a pretty traumatic childhood and all I want for my child is to have a normal happy childhood and life with nothing terrible happen, and I thought at the time that it would scar him for life and he's somehow be angry at me)
Now my ex has had a great new promotion with a pay rise, new car and he's even dating the 16 year old previously mentioned (though now she must be about 20 ish I guess although he hasn't told me about her, but women can find anything out on the internet 👍 )
I guess, minus the rant, I'm feeling really angry that he has never faced up to any of the horrible things he did to me. He's living the high life, even when he has our child overnight he still goes out as his parents babysit.
AIBU to feel so frustrated at him and this whole situation? Do I just sound like a whiny child?
*I feel like I should mention that the reason my child still sees my ex is that he's a good father, I trust my own instincts when it comes to the safety of my child and would never put him in a situation I thought was unsafe. Jusy thought I'd get that out there. What my ex did was to me, not my child who has every right to have a relationship with his father.