To advise my daughter to marry rich.

[miyty]

Ok hear me out.

I will be advising my daughters to look at a person's job and prospects and to really think about what life will look like with someone in a poorly paid career/ job.

Im not saying that this is the main focus- not at all. Merely it is something to definitely think strong and hard about.

Looking at all my friends and family. The ones that are financially well off and have a lot more life choices for themselves and a better quality of life for their kids too have married men who have very good jobs. They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.

[Lovemusic33]

I teach my daughter to work hard and to aim high so she can support herself. Surely it’s more important they concentrate on bettering themselves rather than who they will marry? Of course I don’t want my dd’s to marry someone who has no ambition or job prospects but if they have good careers themselves then it’s less likely to happen?

[iklboo]

[Klopptimist]

Shit, me and OH are giving notice on Tuesday afternoon. I'm marrying him because I love him. Am I making a huge mistake?

[happymummy12345]

Sounds like you're encouraging her to be a gold digger to me. It's better to marry for happiness.
We have no money and struggle to get by. But we are happy. I wouldn't change anything.

[OutOntheTilez]

You should be advising her to find a career she loves and excels in and, when the time is right, to marry a kind, caring man whom she truly loves and respects and who will love and respect her.

I don’t have a daughter but if I did, I would be encouraging her to be financially independent – at all times, including after marriage. I have sons (too young yet for jobs / careers) but I would be wildly angry and offended if they were “chosen” for their abilities to make some woman’s life easy.

So yes, YABU.

[evaperonspoodle]

Definitely my focus would be for my dds to get the best education and career that they can, but I would advise them to chose someone who is on a fairly even footing (or better) as them career wise. Historically the women in my family have had a better education/career than the men and this meant that their choices were limited after having children. Reduced MAT leave, having no choice to condense days etc and I know that has been a real point of contention at times.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

high-fives everyone for not troll-hunting on this ridiculous thread.

It's a real effort though.

[HappyGoGoLucky]

Wow okay then...

[SpaceCadet4000]

Teach your daughter to strive for her own financial independence, encourage her to be financially literate, do everything you can to bolster her self confidence and worth and ensure she knows the red flags for financial control and abuse. If you have a son, teach him these things too.

Teaching a young woman that her future financial stability is tied to the prospects of her partner hugely increases her future vulnerability.

[Switsy]

Another thing to keep in mind, OP, is that your daughters may not be in need of a husband. They may be in the market for a wife.

[Purpletigers]

I’ve already advised my daughter to work hard at school so she will never be reliant on any man.
She’s worked it out by herself that if she does choose to marry, it makes sense to marry someone with a hardworking attitude who is financially stable . I would hope she would have the intelligent not to get together with a waster , lazy , unemployed, unemployable man .

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

Truthfully, you are not being totally unreasonable. I'm with whoever said "marry not for money, but marry where money is." I used to be all romantic and scornful of pragmatism, but as my friends and I enter out 40s I can clearly see that the women who enjoy the best quality of life are the ones who married where money is.

Sadly that does not include me!

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

However, having ended up a single mother, I am of course glad I also focused on my maintaining my own career!

[Butterflycookie]

I’m sure this has been posted before!!

[IwantedtobeEmmaPeel]

I would never encourage any young woman to pimp herself out to the highest bidder, I'm funny like that.

[Switsy]

Actually I do know a woman who when she found herself widowed in her 60s (after a long and not always happy marriage) set out to marry a nice man but a wealthy man.

And she did. And they're happy.

[NunoGoncalves]

I’m sure this has been posted before!!

And OP hasn't returned since starting the thread.

What a coincidence!

[Alsohuman]

Advise her to achieve her own earning potential and marry a decent man who will always put her first.

[Springisallaround]

In my friendship group the happiest women are those who are financially independent and mostly work either full-time or in interesting part-time jobs. I put this down not to money though, but to having independent lives from early on when their children were babies- there wasn't a default assumption they were going to stay home always, they still had friend nights out, weekends away occasionally and a sense of purpose and interest outside the home. The ones that are depressed are all dependent on their husbands who have had varying amounts of success money-wise, sometimes they (the wives) work p/t and sometimes they even have quite good jobs, but they either are financially dependent or feel financially dependent (by this I mean at least one could survive on her own she doesn't want to be poorer and living in a smaller house, it's a psychological dependence and lack of belief in themselves as much as a real financial one).

I'll be telling my girls to get good jobs and maintain financial independence at all times or in turns if they have time out of the workforce), I honestly believe it to be the biggest predictor of happiness and choice for women given what I know about men and the unpredictability of life.

[Rainsunshine]

Advise your daughter to do well enough for herself so it won’t matter what others bring to the table.

Advise your daughter to not pick money over kindness and trust... see so many marriages nowadays which are made of nothing substantial

[BlueSkiesLies]

Meh

Advise her to earn well and choose a career that will suit into the long term. Model food relationships and give her as much self esteem and worth as possible.

Those will stand her in better stead than ‘marry rich’

[IamTheMeg]

Marry someone who you can see yourself navigating the ups and downs of life, someone who will work as a team to provide and raise a family if you want one. Someone you respect and love.

I'd tell my daughter lots of rich people can be very horrible. As can poor people and normal people.

[Purpletigers]

I’m not sure that my daughter has the ability to aim for a high paying career .
I’ll be encouraging her to marry for love first but to only date the financially stable ones in the first place. You can’t marry a poor man if you never date one in the first place.
So many stories on here of women being left by waster men to raise two, three children on their own . Could all have been prevented if only they had been a bit more fussy about who they jumped into bed with .

[JingsMahBucket]

I don’t see where the OP said that her daughter should be dependent on a man. It looks like posters are projecting.

OP, YANBU. There are worlds of difference of opportunity if you’re with someone that comes from a financially secure background versus one that struggles or is in poverty. I’m not saying marry rich but be aware that people with a solid financial background are much better off in life. Combine that with being very career minded and that’s a good foundation. Of course the partner should be loving, yada yada but to disregard financial security is foolish.

[Catquest1]

Hmmm i dont have dds but probably like many people i made some dubious choices in men when i was younger, despite all the advice my parents gave me. I can't believe i fell for some serious spongers.

What i can say is the happiest ive been is when ive been with dh. Having a smiliar outlook, values, respect for each other and kindness can go a long way as well as love. And diy skills imo

Money isnt everything but it does help - we had some years where we sailed fairly close to the wind at times and it was tough. Weve always earned similar amounts although i earn more now than him.