To advise my daughter to marry rich.

[miyty]

Ok hear me out.

I will be advising my daughters to look at a person's job and prospects and to really think about what life will look like with someone in a poorly paid career/ job.

Im not saying that this is the main focus- not at all. Merely it is something to definitely think strong and hard about.

Looking at all my friends and family. The ones that are financially well off and have a lot more life choices for themselves and a better quality of life for their kids too have married men who have very good jobs. They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.

[ASurfeitOfDuncans]

Fuck that. I tell mine to develop a good skill set/jobs and support themselves and not put up with a lazy cocklodger.

[Uptheapplesandpears]

Advise all children not to let lust and love get in the way of making mutually desirable life choices together with their partner. Be clear sighted about financial choices you make together.

Yes, that seems like better advice. I do think job and money are both sensible things to think about when choosing a partner, but there's a great deal more to it than what OP says. For example I'd advise mine to think carefully about being in a relationship with someone who's very high earning and into their career, because that may well mean the person is less willing to do their share of the sick days, drop offs etc when children come along. It depends what you want really.

[TurquoiseWeekend]

The only advice I'd give any child for life is to do what makes them happy.

[Shockers]

My Grandmother used to tell me to ‘marry for money- the love will come later.’

I don’t know why- she despised my well earning grandfather, and he didn’t think much of her either.

[pointythings]

I advise my daughters to work hard, get good qualifications and always make sure they earn their own money. I also advise them to marry someone who shares their values and work ethic, and to discuss matters of children and views on parenting before getting married. Marrying rich? Not so much.

[Noalarmsandnosurprises]

What a depressing OP.

[SunburstsOrMarbleHalls]

I encouraged my DD 22 to be responsible and work hard when in education and to make choices that made her happy but also enabled her to become a financially independent young woman.

I would be sad if she had restricted life choices because she
was completely financially dependant on another person.

When it comes to relationships I would like her to be with someone who will emotionally support her and is kind and thoughtful. Ultimately it is her decision who she chooses to be with. She has had a boyfriend who was wealthy and selfish and who made her miserable and insecure. She is now with a lovely person who is still trying to figure out his way in life but who treats her as an equal and is considerate and caring. She is happier now than she has been for a long time.

[SinkGirl]

I’d encourage them to be ambitious and determined and to value this quality in others. Set a high bar for themselves. Don’t allow themselves to be treated poorly.

[AlexaShutUp]

I encourage my dd to ensure that she can provide for herself. She will then be free to marry who she chooses without worrying about that shit.

[donajimena]

Are you my step daughters mother? She seems to think she needs a rich boyfriend which will be followed by a rich husband. I've told her to make sure she is never reliant on anyone but herself.

[Asta19]

Does anyone remember the thread here recently where a woman was retiring and her god daughter wanted her to provide childcare for her child? The god daughter married a man with a good career, who was an abusive asshole. He was financially abusive and all the childcare costs were going to have to come from the woman and she couldn’t afford it, hence asking her god mother for free childcare.

I remember everyone said the god daughter needed to leave this abusive man. But apparently she would not even consider it as she didn’t want to give up the big house and lifestyle. Even though she was miserable.

So no, there are many other things I would advise a daughter to look for in a man before his career. As others have said, encourage them to get their own career and then they don’t have to depend on a partner.

[Chewbecca]

You’re putting them at risk of being trapped, unhappily married to someone and staying only for the lifestyle and for fear of being poor if alone.

Teach them to earn for themselves and they are free.

[MrsChollySawcutt]

YABU what a patronising, sexist and dangerous load of claptrap to saddle your daughter with.

I tell my DD to never let herself be beholden to any partner, to be able to support herself and to work hard to provide the lifestyle she wants for herself.

Your attitude is what causes so many women to be financially trapped in relationships with abusive men.

[LonelyandTiredandLow]

As someone who had a child with a very well paid man (who hasn't seen his daughter since she was a baby) I really don't think that this is a good idea. No, I didn't have a child with him for that reason personally but it certainly doesn't mean they will be a good family man.

Now when I look at men who can garden, do plumbing, build structures in the garden, lay flooring and tiles - generally useful and ultimately hugely cost saving projects, I would go for those over a rich workaholic any day of the week! These men spend weekends doing things to enhance family life and have skills they can teach your kids to become self-sufficient.

DC know that they will inherit. However it is far more savvy to have separate cash they have earned partly to give them a sense of self worth but also to ensure it lasts for her own children. Finding a partner who doesn't look at them as money for nothing works both ways.

[Karigan195]

Er no. Tell her to earn her own money

[Purpleartichoke]

I am teaching my DD that she needs a good education and a good career. I will also advise her to partner with someone who makes similar choices.

So essentially, what the Op is saying.

[Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies]

What’s the saying? If you marry for money you end up working for it.

DD3 has already decided to marry a wealthy octogenarian to fund her through medical school. She’s 11

[woollyheart]

I would only give that advice if I thought my Dd was unable to have a good career herself.

If you only encourage your dds to be capable of mediocre jobs, they probably wouldn't attract a wealthy husband anyway.

[icannotremember]

This is such bollocks.

[PussGirl]

Marrying a rich man might solve a few problems & appear to be a great idea, but it wouldn't necessarily leave to happiness.

I look around at the handful of non-working women I know well, married to wealthy men, filling their days with tennis lessons & shopping trips & afternoon tea, every day like this & I think YAWN.

Financial independence is what is important - one's own independence, not one that's been won in a divorce court.

[Switsy]

In the not too distant past people were far more pragmatic when it came to looking for a spouse. I suppose women especially had to be as their career options were so limited and it was difficult to free yourself if you found yourself in a miserable union.

Does he own his own plough and oxen?
Does he have enough supplies of corn to last a harsh winter?
Can he afford to buy me the Koh-i-Noor as a wedding gift?

[LuckyLou7]

I wouldn't encourage my DD to marry anyone for any other reason than love, let alone look at their career prospects prior to anything else. I would like her to find personal fulfilment and satisfaction in her own life and career, and not be dependent on someone else for financial security.

[GenerationX2]

I 'heard you out' and still think YA massively U. this is not the 1800's - encourage your daughter to work hard and marry a kind loving partner.

[Knitclubchatter]

Nothing wrong with having a discussion on what qualities to look for in a life partner.
Wealth or potential to earn is one quality, but there are others.
But being able to support yourself is of primary importance.

[Switsy]

for any other reason than love, let alone look at their career prospects prior to anything else.

Obviously love is the biggie but nothing wrong with wanting someone who's ambitious and on the same page as you.