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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving children alone in the house - how long is acceptable?

19 replies

Unattendedkids · 02/03/2019 09:33

I’ve name changed for this.

My neighbour regularly leaves his children alone in the house to go outside and smoke. His children are 4 and 3. I know he is alone as they have two cars so I know when the mother is not home (plus we have very thin walls and can hear a lot). Sometimes he wanders out of the back garden and on to the street at the front of the house to smoke.

Today I feel it went a bit far as he went outside and was cleaning the inside of his car (on the front of the house on the street - so quite far from being able to see or hear the children). I was in my bedroom and could hear the children running around and being noisey (thin walls!)

How long is acceptable? I don’t have children but surely in that time they could choke/fall over etc? I should also say I work from home so I am in the house a lot to see this.

So as not to drip feed - we had concerns over this family previously and voiced them to the child protection officer at one of the children’s school. Obviously we have no idea if anything came from that.

AIBU that this feels like it’s not okay?

OP posts:
GreenThing · 02/03/2019 09:45

What he's doing sounds fine. Confused.

Original poster
Unattendedkids · 02/03/2019 09:47

Okay maybe I have misjudged then! As I say I don’t have kids but with them running around etc when he’s cleaning the car for 15-20 minutes what if they had fallen - was my thought.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 02/03/2019 09:47

I don’t think smoking is acceptable.
I think smoking around children is even less acceptable
I also think a parent going into the garden to hang out washing, pull up some weeds, put the bin so out - or even smoke- is none of your business.

They can fall over with a parent beside them. They tend to get up or scream. If they’re not eating they’re not very likely to choke. Of course there are some degree of risk but, in general, it’s for parents to determine the degree of risk they are prepared to tolerate.

Stop spying on them in such a passive aggressive way.

Kismetjayn · 02/03/2019 09:51

If there are no exposed dangers and they have nothing to eat, why would it even be a problem if they did fall over?

They're not babies to choke on toys by putting them in their mouth. If they're in a living room and trip over, they will cry, and the dad will walk back in and cheer them up again, surely.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 02/03/2019 09:52

Imo it's the fact the dc know they are alone as well as the risk of an accident.
Once on the loo with the door shut ds 4 was shouting round the house for me. I could hear the panic rising.
Can't imagine he would be happy if I wasn't in the house.
Once chatted to an odd ndn in the street when we moved, as I walked away I noticed his baby (9 months) had been in a highchair in front of the TV the while time (45mins ish).

Kismetjayn · 02/03/2019 09:53

From your title I really did think you meant they were going out for hours, or it was another 'is it okay to go to the shop' thread...

Original poster
Unattendedkids · 02/03/2019 09:53

Okay okay I am wrong. I genuinely didn’t know!

It’s not spying - we share a rear access route so I have to walk past him.

OP posts:
GreenWingers · 02/03/2019 09:53

To clarify, this man's in the garden/ front of the house? His children are fine.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/03/2019 09:57

Do you think at that age we are meant to be in the same room woth them 24/7?

I’m not sure it’s much different to hanging the washing out (other than smoking element which at least he is doing outside).

user1493413286 · 02/03/2019 09:59

for a three year old i’d want to be able to at least hear what they were doing

CandyCreeper · 02/03/2019 12:33

Would you rather he smoked in the house with the children?

Fwiw I use to live in a 3rd floor flat with 2 younger and had to leave them alone whilst I pulled the pram or shopping up the stairs or to take the bins out.

TwoRoundabouts · 02/03/2019 13:13

He's doing fine. I thought you were going to say he went out for a couple of hours rather than 20 minutes.

outpinked · 02/03/2019 13:30

Preferable to him smoking in the house. I can’t see much of an issue tbh. He isn’t popping to the shops, he’s literally standing outside the house. Provided he isn’t leaving them surrounded by dangerous objects or in the bath then it’s fine.

CrookshanksPotter · 02/03/2019 13:36

Can't see the issue really. You can't be around them 24/7

SuziQ10 · 02/03/2019 13:40

I would not be leaving a 3 and 4 yo alone in the house for 15 mins for any reason. And I'd be pretty surprised if any of my friends with young kids did either.

Rubusfruticosus · 02/03/2019 13:46

Not an issue, they are not babies. If they hurt themselves then they are old enough to take themselves to their parent.

Perty01234 · 02/03/2019 13:48

My DS is three, I quite happily tidy the garden go to the car, Hoover the car.... wash the car.... all whilst he is in the house. If he wants anything I can hear him shout muuuummmmmyy or he comes to find me.
No issues with it from me

Smoggle · 02/03/2019 13:51

It's fine to be in the garden/at the front of the house for 15-20 minutes with your kids in the house.
Mowing the lawn/washing the car with kids inside are perfectly normal things to do.
Similarly, my kids play on the garden while I cook dinner or put laundry away.

Rubusfruticosus · 02/03/2019 13:51

How else would he vacuum the car, with both of them in it, or playing out the front effectively unsupervised? They would be safest in the house.

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