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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that my DSIS is biting off more than she can chew?

34 replies

Kneehigim · 02/03/2019 08:20

Background: My dsis suffers from depression, an eating disorder and is alcohol dependent.
She quit her last job about 6 months ago as she wasn't coping.
She has just managed to get her benefits sorted now and had decided she was going to take some time out to get counselling, try to address the various issues (the alcohol being the one that probably needs addressing first).
Yesterday she got called for an interview for next week. The role is 10k more than her previous one. It's a fairly long commute (about an hour and 10 minutes).

She is considering going for the interview!

AIBU in thinking she's only going to land herself in hot water, probably won't cope, will end up unemployed again, end up with a dodgy CV and should be focusing on getting herself well before she even considers a return to work?
For reference, she has literally been signed off as unfit to work indefinitely by Universal Credit.
She is still drinking almost all day long and maybe won't get the job anyway, but if by some fluke she does get it, will it enable her to turn her life around or is she setting herself up to fail again?
She's asking me what to do and I'm sort of asking her how does she realistically see it panning out. Her response is that the offer is too good to refuse and that she might manage it.

What advice should I give her? She can't even seem to stay off alcohol for one day to prep herself for the interview. Hmm

She's a lovely competent person and I have no doubt she could do this role with her eyes closed, but is she potentially going to damage her health more? Yes, maybe it could be the making of her, but I'm not sure what to advise?

OP posts:
Kneehigim · 02/03/2019 09:11

She tells me she'll be fine once she's working again! I have a feeling she's kicking the can further down the road.

OP posts:
Bungalowbeth · 02/03/2019 09:12

I’d had a similar gap of around six months of not working before I went into then job. The difference is though is that I’d funded some counselling for myself and was actually feeling mentally ready to take on a new challenge I think.

You sound a supportive sister and I hope your sister can find a way to battle her demons. Would she consider AA? It wasn’t for me long term as I don’t believe I am/was an alcoholic but going to a few meetings was an eye opener.

Mrscaindingle · 02/03/2019 09:20

My advice would be to focus on getting sober which I think would be nigh on impossible to do whilst starting a new job with all the stress that would entail.
There will always be other jobs, but it sounds as though you will support her in whatever choice she makes so I would be letting her know that.

Kneehigim · 02/03/2019 09:20

She has been to AA but doesn't go anymore as far as I'm aware. Her goal seems to be able to drink but not drink all day. I really think it's too soon for her to be going back to work. It's like someone with a broken leg deciding to train for a marathon as I see it! I guess going to the interview and seeing how it pans out can't hurt her too much. It might set her back a bit but at least she has tried.

OP posts:
Kneehigim · 02/03/2019 09:21

That's if she can even make the interview! Hmm

OP posts:
Arowana · 02/03/2019 09:23

My dad did that commute for all of his working life!

I agree with others - I think working can help a person with your sister's issues, or it can prove too difficult for them. It's hard to predict, but maybe let her give it a chance.

Blibbyblobby · 02/03/2019 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackshouse · 02/03/2019 10:29

It doesn’t sound like she has accepted that she is an addict and need to stop alcohol all toghether.

LemonTT · 02/03/2019 19:18

Jackshouse is right she doesn’t recognise her addiction much less understand it. Which is critical for any course of action to be successful. She isn’t going to stop drinking and will probably get worse. Get help for you OP and leave her to her decision.

This is a distraction from the real issue which is that she must stop drinking for ever.

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