AIBU to ask WOHMs about their commutes?

[Camomila]

I know its a daft time to be posting but DS keeps waking up (last back molars coming through) and I'm wide awake and looking at jobs online.

Anyway my question is WIBU to look for full time jobs 1h train away when DH also works 1h away and DS is nursery age? If you do it, is it maneageable or are you permanently running into nursery at 6.25pm just before it shuts? DM is local and would be around for emergencies but I feel it'd be taking advantage to get her to pick up DS every evening.

It is possible, especially with your DM there for emergencies.

It does take it's toll - feels like you are always rushing, always running late (for both work and children).

A pp makes a good point though that the nursery years are actually easier to combine with work than primary school - so building up some goodwill at work to be able to ask for more flexibility in a couple of years could work well. Are you planning more DC? That might change the logistics/trade-off.

Fenella My parents and DBro are all local and around for emergency pick ups, and DS is already at nursery so used to the bugs.

You make a good point about total commute time though, DH is currently 1h20 (5 min walk, train, 10 min walk)
I've also set myself the limit of must be walkable from the train station. When we lived in outer London the most stressful bit of my commute was the 3 tube stops at the end!

Just need to apply for and actually get a job now! Easier said than done.

I know a couple that do this and to make it work if they're doing pick up they go in on a 6am train (or even earlier) to make sure they can leave at 4pm. Getting up at 5am would absolutely destroy me tbh, I like my sleep too much!

@Camomila I also commute from Brighton. Luckily my office is at London Bridge so no tube required at the other end. The service is hit and miss as you know but DH works locally, and as we have no other support, that makes it doable. For what it's worth, I enjoy my commute - it's the only true down time I get to read, listen to podcast etc. Good luck with the job search

I’m a lone parent and generally have a 1.5 hour each way commute (car, train, tube). When DS was a baby I put him in a nursery close to my London mainline station so I didn’t have the hideous rush at each end of the day. It was fine when he was very little as he slept or fed on the train but rapidly became a momentous PITA once he was toddling. From then on, I had an au pair as it was the only way I could get the flexibility for train delay risk as even the next service can go wrong.

Difficult. Because reducing your commute is one of the easiest things you can do to make your life more manageable.

But then if the job is good enough, it can be worth it. Having emergency pick up cover is invaluable. A wfh day (or two) would make it all a lot easier.

This thread has made me realise that I threw away a very short commute (15 mins) to take a job with a longer one (40 mins) but the job is so much better for me in every way, it’s totally worth it.

Yeah that’s the other thing. Make your commute ‘you’ time. As I’m sure you’re getting precious little of that.

Yes definitely! Atm I do a 2h each way commute a handful of times a month to uni and its brilliant...I've got a stack of sci fi novels downloaded on my kindle app and I usually have a pastry on the way there and a pre dinner bagel on the way home!

I am just about to embark on 2 hours door to door. I have two pre schoolers and a husband deployed. I have an au pair. She drops and picks them up. Feeds them and I should be back by 7 ish. I am aiming to get to work super early and leave a little earlier. Work from home one day.

I quite like the train. This is my first commuting job ever. I have always been a stones throw from work and hated my job. Can't wait to start my new job on Monday. I haven't felt this happy in ages.

2dc in nursery here and DH and I commute 1 hour in opposite directions with no family support or back up plan.

It us stressful and like Pp said I feel like I am constantly rushing and late. One of us does drop off and 1 pick up. It is worth it to work in the specialist job I do.

Think about what will happen with school as the hours are much less flexible. Good luck!

I used to work 1 hour away from nursery and now I work 10 mins away from nursery - I'm always later now getting to nursery because I think I can push it another 5 mins. When I was an hour away I knew I had to leave by 4:30pm and always did.

I work a 5 minute drive from home, and the nursery is on the next street from work. I had to take a big drop in salary for that though but the peace of mind and extra time with DS in the evening is worth it for me. Although the sound of using the commute as me time is appealing!

When they were small I was incredibly lucky to be 15 mins away. But as a teacher I couldn't ever walk out if they were sick.

Now it's 1hr, but they're at school in the same town where we work.

Both me and DH commute into London. An hour on train my commute 1h20 door to door his 1h35. We both walk st either end of journey.
Since DS arrived I flexed my hours and do 8.30-4.30 so DH does drop off and I do pick up. I also now work at least one day from home. In last year have had delays but always made it in end despite a couple of times putting MIL on stand by due to train issues. The types of jobs we do don't exist locally so this is what works for us and we prefer nursery near home as then he can still go even if I'm not at work!