To be so unimpressed with nursery and remove DD?

[HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed]

DD is very nearly 4 yet her speech is 90% incomprehensible to anyone but me and her siblings. She has some behaviour issues too and I've been trying to have her referred to a paediatrician for these. On Monday she came out of nursery and had the biggest meltdown of her life. When she calmed down later she mentioned that she doesn't like nursery; she said everyone (adults and children) ignore her because they can't understand her

I emailed nursery that evening explaining what DD said, asking how they're finding her speech, asking how she is there generally and detailing some of the behaviour issues to see if they've seen anything similar. They haven't replied. DD was supposed to go today but didn't want to and they haven't enquired why she isn't there which they usually do if she misses a session.

AIBU to think this is poor form and to feel like not sending DD back there?

Have they not discussed her speech, behavioural difficulties or referral with you previously?

She's under SALT, which they're aware of. No mention of any behaviour issues - I think she just keeps herself to herself there.

Think you need to establish if anything specific has happened to upset her. Do they support the salt and has she been observed at the setting. Does she want to be more involved ( ds was happy to sit on the sidelines given half a chance) ? Could there be more to her difficulties than delayed speech?

You need salt to go into nursery
Nursery should be implementing any strategies and recommendations
Dies she use signs or other communication

Yes I think ADD and/or autism. She started off keen to be involved. SALT haven't been into nursery but have forwarded 'work' to them.

I'd be annoyed. My son has these issues although he's improved a lot. He gets very upset if no one tries to understand him

First of all you need to establish whether they received the email or not.
If they did, ignoring it for a week is unacceptable.

I wouldn’t want them calling me if DD wasn’t there for a session. My child, my decision.

I’m unsure why you emailed rather than going in and speaking to I’m them, but that’s what you need to do now.

What other nursery options do you have? I think this coming term is an important one for nursery prior to starting school. But, if she’s really unhappy and nursery aren’t great when you speak to them, then her being home is fine.

You really do need to be really proactive in getting help with her speach before she starts school. Be the squeeky wheel.

But, if she’s really unhappy and nursery aren’t great when you speak to them, then her being home is fine.

Unless you want speech therapy, ed psych or learning and language support, which is nigh-on impossible to access if you’re not in an educational setting.

That's horrible for her, my eldest has narrowly escaped speech therapy but nursery had a list of 'words' and the sounds he made for them before they started to become clearer. He has always been involved in the activities, just because he couldn't say anything clearly, didn't mean he didn't understand what was being said!

Find a new nursery, she's not happy there so it won't be traumatic to move her. They can't just assume she won't understand them if they don't understand her.

They definitely received it; I received an autoreply. I didn't want to go in and speak to them as I'd have DD with me and would have to listen to them calling me mum repeatedly

Precisely my problem, FamilyofAliens. The GP won't refer her to a paediatrician unless nursery back up my concerns.

my eldest has narrowly escaped speech therapy

That's an odd way to look at it; surely every child could potentially benefit from SALT?

OP, I think your best course of action is to speak to them; if you have to have your daughter with you she would at least see that you are supporting her. (Do the staff at the nursery really call you 'mum'? Yuck)

I guess. I just feel I shouldn't have to chase them to communicate about my daughters unhappiness there - that they should want to resolve it.

Your child is still young , I'm afraid you are only at the beginning of a long journey where you will need to play her advocate and be proactive in accessing the support she needs. Getting agencies to communicate is one such situation. If she is due to start school this Autumn this needs to be sooner rather an later and swapping settings may hinder this. You can allow them to look after her as usual while you speak to them.

Not sure what area you're in OP, but can't your health visitor refer to a paediatrician for you?

The GP won't refer her to a paediatrician unless nursery back up my concerns.

This shouldn't be necessary.

Have you had a meeting with the senco at the setting? Are there agreed speech targets for her to be working on (which you have agreed and signed)? What strategies do the nursery have when your child isn't understood.....do they have any alternative forms of communication?

The SALT needs to come into the setting and observe her there, in order to offer the right support for home and school/nursery. It is shocking to me that they haven't been in. What sort of 'work' have they forwarded?

I think it depends how you feel about nursery anyway. It doesn’t sound like you like or rate them.

At ours any delay would be because the manager or admin who got the email would want a meeting with the room supervisor and to go over the notes and records and learning journals before responding. A quick response is not what you need, it’s a considered one.

But as I say, you don’t sound like you like the nursery anyway.

It sounds as though you and your child have been largely ignored which must be very upsetting. Clearly your girl has additional needs and these are not being met at her nursery.
I'd want to remove my child too. Is there somewhere better do you think?

Yes I'd like a considered response but surely they should at least acknowledge my concerns and offer some reassurance in the meantime? I'm reluctant to change so late on as it starts the whole process again but also I don't want DD to be unhappy.

Nursery don't have a SENCO. DDs next SALT review is next month so I'll ask then if they are planning on going in to nursery.

I would not leave it that long. Can you ring salt instead? Explain you think nursery are at a loss and need. Input. Meanwhile you need feedback from nursery.

I would look for an alternative nursery they sound like they're interested in an easy life. I would want to push forward the assessment and referral.

This is the same child you posted about before, when a friend of yours remarked on her behaviour.? In that thread you said she often hurts you and her siblings, could she be doing that with the other children, which would explain why they ignore her. But the teachers should most definitely be trying to help her and should make you aware of any problems

Why email, why not either call them and make an appointment, or discuss when you pick up your child

It does sound upsetting for you but I think you need to at least call rather than email. The best contact is face to face - is there any way that you could ask someone, a parent maybe, to watch DD so you could have a meeting with the nursery in private? It may be that they are ignoring her but, if this a rare blot in an otherwise good record for the nursery, it may be more likely that your DD has misinterpreted something that's happened. They at least need a chance to defend themselves if you're happy with them on the whole.

But with regard to them not calling you about her absence, surely the onus is on you to say that DD won't be coming in today, not for them to chase you when it's clear she's not going to turn up

It sounds like you have your hands full and if DD is not and has never been happy there, by all means pull her out. That's your right as the parent. But don't act rashly if an unreplied-to email is all it is - in a difficult situation like this you need all the allies you can get.

No, Limpshade, they said there's no need to call if she isn't going to be in yet last time she was absent they called me to see why.

There's always loads of other parents around at pick up and the staff always seem hectic so it's not appropriate to catch them then. I presumed their response to my email would be to ask me for a meeting at a mutually convenient time.

@Knittedfairies By escaped, I mean as the referral was being processed and he was coming off of the waiting list his speech suddenly picked up. He doesn't like to interact with strangers so it's an escape from his point of view. He has a habit of doing this, being referred or assessed by the HV (crawling/walking/talking/etc) and then as something is about to be done he magically acquires the skill.