MIL ...

[B0bb]

Sooo the first 4 months of my pregnancy have been very nervy and exciting. I'm now 16 weeks and so many days, we are expecting a boy and we are being regularly monitored. Kept close family in the loop as u do and so far so good.

Today out of stupidity I noticed my MIL's photo on my WhatsApp had disappeared, never thought anything of it... then I saw a post pop up on fb with my MIL on and I clicked on her profile... low and behold I'd been deleted ?? I have no idea why I haven't seen her since Christmas, hubby has kept her in the loop with everything and now I'm off her fb. I called the hubby out on it and he instantly messaged his mom. A few minutes later it's no I never.... . So who did then? I've had this happen before anddd when I tried to add her she declined, this was a few years ago. Don't get it really don't. I know some people say it's only your MIL but I haven't done bugger all.

Just needed to rant lol!

I know it all seems rubbish etc... but I have had complications with this pregnancy as in baby has fluid on his neck so we has cvs and then some funny results came back 3 weeks later, me and my husband have decided to carry on now and not proceed with an amino. Long story short, mosaicism - could be my placenta or baby may have a heart defect, or delayed development, who knows I just didn't want to go through 3 weeks of stress and eczema again. So I'm just having regular scans and so far all looks well, the fluid has even disappeared from his neck, which was amazing.

So if she's removed me off fb because she's scared of my pregnancy complications, then thanks.. love the support. I'm only getting bigger, and I want to enjoy my pregnancy because I haven't felt I have been able to the last month or so. That's all I can think of...

Who cares? Why do adults get upset by this. I delete people who I don't talk to often. It's nothing personal.

@seline

Yes delete someone you haven't spoken to .. and old friend or someone you met in the pub. But it takes a while new meaning when you delete a direct relative or a direct relative of the person you married.

Some people also see Facebook as a copy of real life so by deleting on fb is a symbol for deleting from real life and trying to make a point

I wonder if it’s been done by accident OP. I unfollow someone sometimes if their posts are too much for whatever reason and not block them, I wonder why she didn’t do that instead.

Try not to let it get to you, sounds like you’ve enough on your plate. Best of luck with your pregnancy OP.

My MIL is a nosey arse who steals my photos and stalks me on there so knows what I've been tagged in or commented on, on marketplace she would know what things I have been interested in... so I wish i could delete her but will just cause an argument be lucky OP 🤣

I guess if it had genuinely been done by mistake, she would’ve just added you again.. and it wouldn’t have been across two separate platforms.
Very weird (clearly deliberate) behaviour OP, not sure what to suggest.
Congratulations by the way, and good news regarding the scans showing clear now

How is it stalking? Posts come up when someone is tagged or they have commented on something, no need to stalk.

And if you’re posting photos on SM anyone can steal them. Just block her.

No I'm not letting anything get to me now.. she's made her point, at least I have supportive friends and obv my family. Once he is here let's see how we get on then. I don't want to sound mean but if shes removed me out of her life then don't expect me to come back in. I haven't done nothing wrong... absolute sod all!

What’s your relationship like with MIL, OP?
What’s she like? Is she nice and friendly?

Normally yes.. ok not gonna lie she's been a bit of a cow bag in the past with my first. As in very do this do that, and I didn't, but I know that's the norm for MIL. She got funny the once because I never invited her to her sons birthday which was not a family thing.. it was a friendly gathering BBQ in our garden. The next time I saw her she made a sly comment and I let it slide. She wore black to our wedding lol which I thought was funny. She moaned the once because she hadn't seen her grand daughter for a while when he had been busy and no offence she came to our house prob x3 in 4 years and we live 10-15 mins away. I opened a new fb the once and I re added everyone she deleted my request and I asked hubby why so re added her and she accepted. In the time I've known her and been with hubby I've never done anything physically wrong to upset her.. we have always sent her photos etc and invited her to parties. I don't get where I'm doing things wrong if anything

It doesn’t like a great relationship shop from the little bit you’ve written. She obviously doesn’t think you’ve not done anything wrong OP. Sounds like you both think you’re in the right here.

Just take a breather for a bit and let things lie.

@GreatDuckCookery that's what I'm doing. By the way she does have other grand children.. so it's not like we are the only family

It sounds like she just doesn’t like you OP, sorry.
I think it’s a bit of a dick move to delete family off social media unless they post awful stuff (like racist things maybe) so I can see why you’re annoyed.

I suppose the only way to know is to ask her outright and in person ‘why did you delete me off Facebook’ if you a really want to know, but I personally would just leave it and from now on would make zero effort with her.

Are you 100% sure your DH told her before you plastered it all over Facebook? Just cause he said he did doesn't mean he did or even that she saw his message.

Was your Mum at the BBQ?

Oh I know.. I've always had that sense. I don't know if it's because my family have always been very hands on with us I.e. helping us out a deposit for our house we had 10k but my dad gave us 30k. I know it's not about money but my family have always been like that, and will do the same for my siblings.

My hubby told her after the scan.. and when he picked me up from work later I did ask and he said yeah, but I have a feeling she removed me way before then. Also he is tagged in the post and she never liked it, again we don't need approval but it says it all.

I strongly believe that a person's social media is theirs to curate, and no-one owes anyone a 'friending'.

That said, it sounds like your MIL is not interested in having a relationship with you, or in you as a person, at all.

She didn't make an effort to visit or get to know you prior to children, she publicly and passive-aggressively expressed her disapproval of your marriage to her son on your wedding day - if you find that funny, more power to you - and she has rejected your friend requests and/or deleted you multiple times now.

Passive-aggressive is clearly her language:

Maybe she's having a hissy fit at your not indulging her matriarch fantasy by making her the very first to know way before everyone else, and now she wants you and your husband to chase her and coddle her feelings.

Maybe she doesn't approve of your having a second child, now that she understands the level of access she'll have and that she won't be the ultimate mother in charge.

Then again, maybe she's just a temperamental wench.

Or hates the memes you post. :)

Regardless, you are right to discontinue rewarding her nonsense by chasing her or having your husband do so. Focus instead on people that support and respect you.

@Ce7913 thank you .

I know it's barmy good old fb, but it's where u share things with your close family and friends and u know to be deleted with no explanation is a crappy thing.

I find the excuse of 'no I didn't' very poor!

I'm not bothered anymore I have a long road ahead but as u say I do have family and friends who are supportive and that's all that matters.

MIL's aye.. I just hope when our son is born and gets older I don't act the way she has with her son. I find it uncomfortable and unfair.

Look, I completely get it - rejecting your DIL's friend request, then begrudingly accepting it because your son said something, and then clandestinely deleting her again out of nowhere and being all,

"Who? Me? No, I didn't, Mark Zuckerberg totally sneaked in whilst I was sleeping and did it."

...is some seriously weak (childish, passive agressive) tea.

It's bizarre and insulting, especially as you say you've never disrespected or mistreated her, and even more so given that she has the cheek to be snarky about not being given priority access to your nuclear family. She doesn't even want you on her facebook! :)

I'm sorry for the complications you are having; I have my fingers crossed for your munchkin.

@Ce7913 thank you, means a lot, just a shame.

I hope as time goes on she realises. We are positive and looking forward to our little man