To not want to go to see BIL and SIL?

[Offendedmummy]

So I have recently had DD number 2, she’s 5 weeks old. When she was a week old BIL and SIL came over with gifts to visit. We love seeing them and have a great relationship. When they arrived DH was holding DD who was fast asleep. He asked SIL if she would like a cuddle and she declined (which was fine, I know some people don’t like holding newborns) so the visit continues for around 2 hours and they don’t look at DD once! They don’t ask me anything about her, the labour absolutely nothing! It’s like she was never born.

We have another DD who’s 5, who they adore and are absolutely brilliant with.

So they have asked us over for lunch tomorrow, and I really don’t want to go. The more I thought about the visit, the more offended I became! DH has said he’s sure they’ll be different this time, but I don’t think they will. AIBU?

You said they brought gifts - they must have referred to the baby then, surely?

So you don't want to see them because they didn't coo over your baby? Maybe they didn't want to make it all about the new baby because they thought you'd be fed up of all the attention?

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but think you might be being slightly over sensitive. After all, if they didn't care they wouldn't have come to visit.

Go and see them - I'm sure you'll feel much better!

Yabu. Nobody cares about your labour

Do you think they were purposefully trying to make sure that your other DD didn’t feel all the attention was on your baby a bit misguidedly?
If you have a great relationship then I wouldn’t make any drastic decisions. Perhaps they have their own fertility diffulites and struggled with seeing your new born?

Could they be ttc and having problems?

Well if you get on usually I would definitely go and give them the benefit of the doubt

Lots of threads similar to this atm in some variation or other

Yes bought lovely gifts, but just handed them over without saying anything.

Some people do care about other people’s labour!

No I don’t expect them to coo over the baby, but acknowledge her in some way would be nice. Arguably the gifts are acknowledgement, and maybe I should just accept that as enough. Maybe I am being over sensitive!

They could of downplayed it for the sake of older DD, good point.

I’ll go and see how they are this time round

Thanks for (most) of the replies. X

I agree with above. They were conscious of not letting older child feel left out (if she was there?) And not wanting to ask you possibly intrusive questions. I think they sound kind. They have a good relationship with your DD so there's no reason they won't develop the same with this one, they will just do it gradually.