Missed opportunities

[Nellieelephant]

I want to make it clear I do love my life and am pretty happy. I have a lovely DH (although he can be a pain in my arse at times!) we are trying for a baby (having a few issues but not doom and gloom yet) but sometimes I have a pang of what if.

When I look back on decisions I made I wonder what would’ve happened had I chosen something different. I also feel a little sad at times that I will never know what could’ve been.

I am glad I am where I am in my life but I suppose I’m just greedy and would’ve liked to be able to experience everything!

With absolutely no judgment at all!!
Is there anything you wish you had done? (or not done) any missed opportunities?

Also with the fertility issues close to my heart right now, does anyone wish they had waited for children? Or had them earlier? Had more, less, none?

Basically is there anything you sometimes think of when you’re alone/in the shower/contemplating murder of husband or kids 😁 and feel a pang?

I love my kids despite their SEN needs and general being kids things (annoying each other, me and their stepdad etc).

If I hadn't been repetitively gaslighted by medical professionals over my health, I wouldn't have had children, I would have been sterilised.

Because I've become more and more disabled with every year which passes and often, my life feels miserable and pointless and I worry they don't have the lives I imagined for them.

But selfishly, getting to be their mam, being the one to heal the physical or emotional hurts, experiencing new and old things together and seeing how they change and bloom into their own little people, is what keeps me on this planet.

They and I, we are a story now, with our tales intertwined.

Wouldn't mind a mini break though