Probably very RE unfit friend and skiing holidays

[lastqueenofscotland]

I’ve gone skiing with a friend from university every year for the past decade.
She was back in the day the most experienced/best skier in our group by a country mile, however in the last five years she has put on an enourmous amountof weight and is by her own admission, virtually completely sedentary.

For the last 3 trips her complete lack of fitness has made the trips a complete chore.
It involves her not wanting to ski for more than 2/3 hours (inc a coffee break in those hours) and then wanting to go back (always on a lift never ever skiing back) which wouldn’t be an issue but she wants someone to come back with her or she gets really silly about it. She also, by her own admission finds the exercise a real shock to the system and often gets quite sick a couple of days in and wants to skip the second half of the week (so only skiis for 2/3 days) and wants someone to miss skiing too, while she basically sits in bed.

I’m probably being a bitch but I work really hard to afford holidays and skiing is expensive as fuck... AIBU to say I don’t want to go on their trip next year as she manages to put a huge downer on it every year.

but she wants someone to come back with her or she gets really silly about it

This is the problem. As others have said, no problem if she wants to bow out....but you can’t expect other people (who have come on a skiing holiday after all!) to want to do the same. I’d have a conversation with her along those lines, I think.

Yanbu! I’m overweight and went skiing, on one of the days I was too pooped to ski and sat in the bar enjoying the view, and went on some lovely walks around the town whilst everyone else skiid. I would never have expected anyone to miss out on their holiday because I couldn’t do it!
She’s defo being unreasonable and she should be the one to drop out if she can’t take it!

I think the OP fears being labelled a bitch because she's mentioned the friend's weight. But if that's the factual reason why she can't ski, it's the reason. She's not criticising the friend's weight as such, but the way she is expected to deal with the consequences. (And if she hadn't explained, I suspect the early posts would all have been asking why the friend doesn't want to join in.)

If the friend wants to come on the trip for the views and the company at other times beyond the skiing parts then fine. But she can't then demand that everyone else gives up their holiday to sit with her. And I think that's the line you should take OP - that you've travelled and paid what you have in order to go skiing and that's what you're going to do.

but she wants someone to come back with her or she gets really silly about it

“Mate, we are here to ski. I really don’t want to cut short the day today. You go back and I’ll give you a bell when I’m on my way back so we can meet for

Just pretend you can see she’s making a fuss.

Although to be honest anyone as selfish enough to think friends should sit in the apartment with them instead of skiing just because they can’t, isn’t much of a friend.

I’d ditch her. She sounds rubbish.

Skiing is a bit of a fill your boots type holiday too - you need to make the most of it and ski every day! 💕

Yanbu. If she doesn't want to ski any more, that's fine - I'm hopelessly unfit and 2-3 hours would knacker me out too! It sounds like the issue is wanting someone else to come with her, which isn't fair

I think you need to discuss how's it's going to be before you go. Her not skiing much is no problem, if she's buying a lift pass anyway she can meet you for lunch. There are ways around it but it's really unfair of her to expect a babysitter

I think you should still go but talk to her honestly and say you won’t be coming in early, taking lifts down with her etc. if she gets huffy it’s not your problem.

YANBU. I love skiing, but a knee injury means I can really only do short bursts (and I suffer for it), but I still love going to the snow. I just let my friends know when I can't do anymore, then spend a lovely afternoon with a book and wine until they come in, sometimes go up and meet them for lunch on the mountain, then usually cook dinner for everyone during the afternoon. No one seems to mind (at least they tell me that they don't).

She is NBU to not be able to ski a whole day, but she is BU to expect others to cut their time short to keep her company.

She is BU, I'd certainly have a serious talk before booking again, and explain that you will be doing full days skiing and she will need to entertain herself if she goes home early

I’m not well enough to ski either but I would love pottering around the chalet reading, bit of hot chocolate, bit of wine and then dinner with everyone. Don’t worry not inviting myself!

Is she someone who’s not so happy in her own company generally?

YANBU but leave her weight out of it. The reason she prefers shorter ski days isn't important. It doesn't matter to you whether it's because she's unfit, overweight, not a good skier, has an injury, needs to make a phone call, just doesn't enjoy skiing for that long or wants to get back to the lodge to catch an episode of whatever.

Fine - "friends, let's all agree that we all do the skiing days we want this trip, that means people might be off by ourselves if they want to go back early or do a run no one else wants to do".

Not fine - "Jane you are uninvited as your fatness is ruining our trip"

buttered sounds like OP wants to drop out rather than push the friend out of the holiday.

OP - YANBU, but it does seem unfair that you can’t go on holiday with them. How hard did you try the last few years at telling her to do stuff by herself if everyone else was skiing/came to ski? Or moe to the point, how successful were you all at pushing back?

It sounds like the friend knows she can't ski as much as she used to, but still comes on the holiday because she wants to be included and see everyone. So for her it's a friends and chat holiday now, not a ski holiday. She doesn't seem to have realised that the rest of you still see it very firmly as a ski holiday with added friends and chat, and thus takes it personally when no-one wants to come back with her. She sounds like she's been mature enough to realise she needs to pay a fortune and come along if she wants to be included, but isn't quite mature enough to cope with the fact that she should reasonably expect to be alone when not skiing.

I wonder if she's been telling herself that her weight gain isn't that bad and that she's not really missing out because of it; being left alone would mean she had to confront the truth, and people rarely enjoy that. Hence 'silliness', as you call it.

I still think she's being completely unreasonable, incidentally, but the above may spell out why and inform your handling of the situation....

She's being selfish.
In the past I haven't skiied all day for various reasons but I've never expected others to come and sit with me.

I would just make it clear to her that you want to ski as much as possible and won't be going back with her when she wants to etc

It's fine not to want to ski all day. Sometimes I've just done enough. But it's not fair of her to expect you to babysit her. I would try and have a conversation before the holiday setting expectations that you plan on skiing all day.