AIBU to think that Fathers don't love their sons more than their daughters?

[PickledLimes]

A friend says her husband is adamant that a Father will never love a daughter as much as he loves a son. (They have two boys and a third child of unknown sex on the way) AIBU to think that though this may be true of some men(including her husband) but that it isn't true of the vast majority? She seems to think that it's true of most men.

Rubbish my dad loves me to death, he thinks my brother is a twat

@ChipsAreLife

Does that mean mums love their daughters more? She sounds like a bit of tit who is trying to make people with daughters feel shit.

Yeah this in spades.

'The woman already has 2 boys' speaks volumes. Some (not all,) women who have all boys, are very negative and spiteful about girls. It's a defence mechanism to make everyone think they hate girls, and they hope people will then think they couldn't possibly want one.

Everyone I have ever met/experienced/known of who has been nasty about girls, has a deep rooted desire to have one.

@jellyonawonkyplate

It's taboo but I do think most men want at least one son.

It's taboo, but most men want at least one daughter, and it's bullshit that men prefer sons. Every man I know who has a daughter, absolutely adores her.

Most women want a daughter too. And as I said, the more spiteful and negative women are about girls, the more likely it is they want one.

In my experience, (and that of most people I know,) if it was only possible to have one child, and you had to pick the gender, most people would pick a girl. There is just something about daughters - a bond and a closeness that they have with their mother AND their father - that you rarely get with boys.

Once they hit adulthood, and get married, you have a much closer bond with girls than you do boys. I know a number of people who have sons only, and now they are adults and married, they rarely see them. The daughters are much closer to the parents than the sons.

I know people will have a go at me, and tell me I'm talking shit, but it's true in most cases. Whether you like it or not.

As a father*, I would honestly find it hard to compare how I feel about DS and DD. I've got more in common with DS (films, the Marvel universe, politics) - but then again, I've got more in common with DD (sense of humour, hypochondria, interest in words & language...). The way I feel about both of them is that they're a bit like me in some ways but much, much better in other ways.

*I only come here occasionally, but I was dropping by for a dose of sanity often enough that I thought I ought to join properly.

they have more of a need for a 'mini-me'

That's horrible, and I would assume that applies to a minority of people. Wanting your children to be just like you is fucking weird.

This sentiment is also sexist. A dd or ds could be into e.g. football these days, ffs, (if it's so crucial that they are because you're such a self-obsessed arsehole).

In some cases maybe but my opinion is that they have more of a need for a 'mini-me' more than women do, regardless of whether they play/like sport or not.

Our eldest daughter totally a mini me of DH. He is gruff and masculine looking and she is a slim, pretty version. It amazes me how much she looks like him while also being delicate and feminine. Personality wise they are frighteningly similar (she has ASD diagnosis and I strongly suspect DH does too). Our youngest is nothing like him but he loves them both the same.

When we had DD2 DH was baffled by the sympathy he was getting for not having a son.

What crap. I’m pretty sure my dad wouldn’t love me and my sister more if we’d been male!

Mind you, there’s plenty of threads on here about “gender disappointment” usually from women wanting girls and there are no end of other daft women encouraging this with BS like “grieving the daughter you’ll never have” 🤮

Once they hit adulthood, and get married, you have a much closer bond with girls than you do boys. I know a number of people who have sons only, and now they are adults and married, they rarely see them. The daughters are much closer to the parents than the sons.

It's everyone's own perception though isn't it, everyone would like to think they have the 'ideal' and therefore no-one will never win the 'best gender ' argument that some people love to play. You've taken what you've experienced to be the universal truth for everyone.

I have a DH who adores his mother to the point where he speaks to her most days.

My own father loves me but I can blatantly see he relates more easily and naturally to my DB's.

I have friends with one of each where mum blatantly favours the DD (so damaging) and families where the DF blatantly favours the DS and voices it (equally damaging!)

So where do we all fit in to your theory

No way can you generalise, but I do think there are a certain sub set of men who regard woman as lesser and for sure if they had daughters they would likely regard them as less than their sons....

hoppityfrog that’s the kind of nonsense that keeps gender stereotypes going. I’ve got just boys I’ve got no desire for a girl but of course if I had one I’d love her because, same as my boys, she’d be my child and that is what is important, not what sex they are! I certainly don’t hate girls either, I used to be one before I grew up and I have lots of nieces and friends’ daughters who are great!

As for all the “a son’s a son til he takes a wife” guff do people who spout this bull never think that they’re the ones putting these attitudes in the kids’ heads in the first place?!

I think for most men that is just daft.
Mind you my 1st husband wanted a daughter and wasn't happy about having a son. He didn't bother to see him after we got divorced.

It sounds like nonsense. I'm closer by far to my Dad than my brother is, and always have been.

The whole idea that men want a boy so they’ll share interests in the sport they like is ridiculous to me. I played football, my oldest brother never had any interest in it. Both parents took me to football despite my mum having no interest in it. My dad took me to hockey every week and even became involved in coaching. Surely as their parent you enjoy watching your child doing the thing they’re passionate about even if you don’t enjoy it yourself?

I think this is true of a certain kind of man, and it can also be cultural - there’s obviously a massive preference for boys in some cultures.

I’m currently pregnant (don’t know sex) and although my DH is very adamant that he doesn’t mind, I think he has a secret preference for a girl.

Most women want a daughter somewhere in their family so it shouldn't be surprising for men to want sons. However these are fantasy children. The relationship they have with their real life children - of either sex - is down to them. I wouldn't think much of someone who had already decided he wasn't going to love a daughter as much as a son.

There is actually research to show that men who have at least one son are less likely to leave a marriage than men who only have daughters. Make of that what you will.

What a load of bollocks

My DH is from a culture where boys are usually coveted and yearned for (as daughters move out of the home and don't contribute, whereas boys stay, earn, contribute etc) and he couldn't love our DD any more than he does. He's wrapped around her little finger. He loves our DS equally though, even if DS is too young to pull the puppy dog eye look off

@CountessVonBoobs

There is actually research to show that men who have at least one son are less likely to leave a marriage than men who only have daughters. Make of that what you will.

Hmm yeah I heard that. I read it in the same place where it said a couple with pet cats, is more likely to stay together and remain faithful to each other,, than those couples who have pet hamsters.

But if you have a pet gerbil, your male partner is more likely to cheat on your with a goat.

@CountessVonBoobs

There is actually research to show that men who have at least one son are less likely to leave a marriage than men who only have daughters. Make of that what you will.

Hmm yeah I heard that. I read it in the same place where it said a couple with pet cats, is more likely to stay together and remain faithful to each other,, than those couples who have pet hamsters.

But if you have a pet gerbil, your male partner is more likely to cheat on you with a goat.

Some people definitely have a gender preference. There is a reason why there are many more boys in India than girls. However white often fathers and daughters have the better bond as there is no pressure on the relationship.

When i was pregnant with Ds several members of Ohs family told me (more than once) that they hoped it would be a boy or "it would be lovely if it was a boy" . Like there was anything i could do about it!!🙄 (i was almost hoping for a girl just to annoy them!)

We have two of each and I’d stake my life on him loving them all equally.

I know quite a few men with fairly abrasive, antler clashing type relationships with their young adult sons. So much so that I have at times thought DH and DS1’s fantastic relationship a bit unusual and weird.

But if you have a pet gerbil, your male partner is more likely to cheat on you with a goat.

www.1843magazine.com/features/its-a-boy-thing

Your friend's husband is a dick!

My STBXH seems to dislike our Son a great deal. It is why I left him when DS was 3.