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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove myself from social media?

59 replies

YellowBlankets · 01/03/2019 04:14

Social media is a real trigger for my social anxiety and it’s gotten worse the last few days. It makes me feel crazed and needy especially when someone messages me then walks away or if someone doesn’t reply to something I’ve sent but is online and seen it. And because I could theoretically get messages at any time it’s hard to switch off. So I’m thinking of going offline for a few weeks to sort my head out.

But -my best friend is going through a really hard time at present and while they live on the other side of the world we talk every single day online. Going offline means not being available to them.

WIBU to do it anyway? I honestly can’t decide.

I’ve worked hard to manage sm better but it hasn’t worked and think I’m hoping some time out will help.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 01/03/2019 07:10

Delete it, of course. Why do people torment themselves in this way? Just there to suck your life out of you.

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 01/03/2019 07:12

Do it, I logged out of Facebook about 3 months ago because I was going through some things at home and realised that part of me getting so shit about myself was the comparison to other people's made up perfect family lives. .

I've felt much less anxious, down and less addicted to scrolling needlessly through posts that just don't interest me!

Can't quite bring myself to delete it all together because I do use it to check school page and marketplace occasionally. I've told everyone that I no longer use it for "friends" and deleted everyone from our so there's nothing to look for.

I do still use messenger or WhatsApp to communicate though.

fblake · 01/03/2019 07:16

I removed myself a year ago and feel much better for it. You need to do what's right for you. I keep in touch with my friends and family via phone, text or whatsapp x

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 01/03/2019 07:22

I only ever had Facebook and I gave it up a couple of years ago now so the closest I come to social media now is WhatsApp and mumsnet. Brilliant decision. I don't have anxiety or anything but I found it to be a massive time waster and just full of crap. I still stay in touch with all my friends, I just don't waste time seeing a load of (often fake) rubbish about people I actually barely know / don't much like.

Original poster
YellowBlankets · 01/03/2019 08:39

As someone said upthread it’s the waiting for messages I find hard. It’s like I’m always doing it even when I’m not conscious of it. The friend is part of the problem too because of the Timezone so I could theoretically get messages any time day or night

OP posts:
Home77 · 01/03/2019 10:01

Instead of deleting permanently (if that makes you anxious) what I do is deactivate it. Then if you need to go back on for some reason you can. It's quite easy to do also. Oh and take it off notifications etc. I always feel guilty not commenting on people's updates etc.

Knackeredmommy · 01/03/2019 11:46

I permanently deleted FB & Insta 3 weeks ago. It just caused too many issues and I don't regret it at all. Anyone who I am close to can still contact me. Go for it.

lorirexsins · 01/03/2019 18:27

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Badouchka1 · 01/03/2019 21:42

I’ve recently been suffering from anxiety after a bout of very ill health, signed off work by my GP for the past six weeks. I deleted all social media apps at the start of my anxiety (general, not social) as quite frankly, I really can’t be arsed with the rose tinted view many try to portray for ‘likes’. Thevreal friends have been in touch to see how I am. That aside, it’s just good to have a break and really connect with people and the outside world, time spent with good friends or outdoors is food for the soul and spirit. OP, I wish you well x

lljkk · 01/03/2019 21:53

Phone calls to other side of world are expensive.
Texts & email are not expensive.

perci08 · 02/03/2019 00:23

If you want to go on a social media detox then do so. As for your friend you could state time and day that you talk/email. Find a time that is good for you both that you know are going to be able to respond to each other in the here and now. Tell your friend of your social media detox and stick to it; it is something you feel would benefit you. Is no one else's decision and is you looking after your own health.

PregnantSea · 02/03/2019 00:46

A few years ago I moved to the other side of the world. Not been on FB once since I arrived and I'm perfectly happy. Anyone who genuinely misses me is in regular contact via watsapp, phonecalls, Skype, email, and some have even flown over to visit me. You don't need to be in touch with every single person you've ever met on a constant basis, this is a fallacy created by social media. As long as you're in touch with real friends and family you'll be fine. You'll probably find that ditching Facebook means you get more personal quality contact, because you have nice catch ups one on one where you can tell each other news, rather than just reading about and "liking" their life updates on the internet.

I see no value in social media as a method of socialising. However one thing I would say is that I tend to miss out on buying second hand items because Facebook is good for that. I end up asking DH to check for stuff on his FB. I haven't found a decent substitute to be honest - gumtree is ok but there's not as much stuff on there. So that's something to consider if you use it for that purpose.

BartonHollow · 02/03/2019 00:47

I did this two years ago for my mental health and it's the best decision with regard to it I've ever made.

Original poster
YellowBlankets · 02/03/2019 08:25

Thanks everyone. I disabled all the apps last night and went to bed feeling really good about it and had intended to send friend an email about it today. But then she emailed me overnight to say where are you, can you please re-install the apps? So I did and we had a conversation in which I ended up trying to explain but I think she was almost mad with me and even said "don't do that again".

I know I should have emailed first but now I feel weirdly trapped and wondering if the friendship is even healthy to feel like this at all. I have many people I talk to online and no-one else even mentioned it to me as I was only off 12 hours or so.

I'm not quite sure what to do now.

OP posts:
Gina2012 · 02/03/2019 09:44

but I think she was almost mad with me and even said "don't do that again".

What?

This isn't about social media

This is about a weird friend

Why do you allow her to bully you?

longwayoff · 02/03/2019 10:01

If you are so susceptible to such low level pressure, your confidence will never improve while you allow 'friends' to undermine your decisions over something so important to you. Ditch the FB. Ditch the friend if necessary.

AwkwardSquad · 02/03/2019 10:30

Have to agree with PPs, your friend is the problem. You need to set your boundaries; you have every right to do so. If she feels unhappy about the boundaries you set, she needs to deal with it. You are not responsible for her reaction or her emotions, she is.

AwkwardSquad · 02/03/2019 10:31

Ps I deactivated Facebook this morning 👍

Solidarity!

Original poster
YellowBlankets · 02/03/2019 10:32

Yeah you’re right - when I started this thread I didn’t think she was part of the problem but now I see she totally is

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowBlankets · 02/03/2019 10:33

Good for you awkwards

OP posts:
Beechview · 02/03/2019 10:37

Send the email. Tell her you won’t be reinstalling the apps and just do it.

Your instincts are telling you what you need to do. It would be healthy for you to follow them.
Your friend is not normal and wants you at her beck and call. You need to live your own life and focus on your own happiness.
Be careful that she doesn’t start messaging you at all hours on WhatsApp. You need to set your boundaries. Tell her you’ll respond to her emails or talk to her at specific times.

If you have children and your own family, they need to be your focus. Not this demanding friend who is miles away.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 02/03/2019 10:54

Just be strict with yourself only use social media to contact your friend if you have an iPhone you can set yourself a time limit.

Lifeisabeach09 · 02/03/2019 10:57

She is dragging you down with her woes.
Re-delete and email/call only.

Siameasy · 02/03/2019 11:24

I came off SM in Nov and I’m loving it. Agree with the previous poster about selling things tho-for that reason I’ve just deactivated FB. I do miss the mums group I was in on FB and am considering setting up a profile with no friends just for selling and possibly using that group again. But the thought of going back on there now fills me with dread.
I get anxious-I think it’s the random reinforcement, the “will they won’t they”

Bagpuss5 · 03/03/2019 05:22

I read a book set in the 50s the day to day life of the main character was being a housewife seeing her husband in the evenings, seeing the postie in the morning, going to the shops once a week and occasionally visiting relatives. She was content and happy in her life.
We are brainwashed into thinking we must have 8 friends who we are constantly in touch with, we must be entertained or busy all the time. We are the first generation to have this life style, why do we assume it is a good idea or what people really want?

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