Oh god, I think I like him

[tipe]

I not only recognise that I'm being ridiculous - but that I'm also a horrible person right now!

I have a work colleague - he has a partner and children as do I. We've always got on well. A month and a half back he tried to kiss me. We agreed to forget it happened.

Since then, I've felt like I have feelings for him. I'm not sure if it's my unhappiness in my relationship which I need to figure out. It all just feels horrible. I'm at the point where I try and avoid him in work etc as I just don't want it getting worse.

We have a non-negotiable works do this weekend and I just find myself hating myself when I see him because I feel so awful!!!!!!

I'm not sure what next step to take from here. What do I do? It's been 6 weeks.

Don't be too harsh (please).

You need to sort out what's happening in your own relationship, first and foremost.

You're doing the right thing by avoiding him. If he's in a relationship and tried to kiss you, this doesn't make him a great prospect.

Don't give him headspace - if you stop dwelling on it, the attraction will fade away, although it might be painful for a while.

How did it all come about? What made him want to kiss you?

You can't help who you are attracted to, but you can control how you deal with it.

I agree with PP, you need to pinpoint what the issues are in your relationship first, if you are finding yourself liking another man in this way.

Furthermore, he is attached. Stay well away. The fall out will be catastrophic if you don't. You have both your families to think of here.

Sounds like you've both already crossed boundaries if he tried to kiss you!
You need to decide whether or not to go there. If you do, be prepared for the carnage it will cause.

People you can't have are always more enticing. That's the appeal. Best left in your head though.

Ok. Take a deep breath. You need to step back and focus on your relationship and children and also probably yourself.

I’m speaking from some experience, although I was single and he was in a long distance relationship. I was in love with him and I had to make that stop. It sucked and felt really angsty for a while but I did survive it all. Focusing on myself, taking up new hobbies, meeting other guys and not being his “friend” anymore, just his colleague and keeping any interaction brief and professional helped. It’s counterintuitive as everything within you screams that you need to spend as much time as possible around him. But you need to ignore that voice, especially given that there are other partners and children involved in your case.

Take up a new hobby if you can, arrange some date nights with your man and special family days out. Have some things to look forward to and bond with your loved ones. Meeting up with my female friends more regularly also really helped me.

He’s just a guy and the grass is hardly ever greener. You’ll get through this.

I do feel your pain though. I’ve developed a crush on a guy that I’ve become friends at my hobby and I’m not sure if he’s a single dad or married (he’s said stuff that indicates he’s single but he wears a wedding ring). I’m not taking any chances in case he’s married but am at that exact same I really like him stage and sort of dreading seeing him like you.

When you are around him try looking for stuff that he does that winds you up or is off putting! There will be something.

And best of luck. Just remember nothing’s worth hurting your and someone else’s family for. You’re better than that .