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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asking BF to contribute to food bills when he stays over

28 replies

denbigh · 28/02/2019 12:17

I've been with my BF for nearly a year, it's my 1st relationship since I split with the kids dad 3 yrs ago..
I'm a single parent, I don't struggle but I don't save much either.. my issue is my BF never ever buys anything that we eat.. due to cost of babysitters etc we don't go out much..maybe every 3 months? He's over every weekend and I'm starting to feel a bit resentful about buying and cooking all our meals.. part of me feels a bit guilty for feeling this way, I earn way more than him but..he doesn't have many expenses,surely he can see what I do and offer? It's the fact he hasnt/,doesn't offer that is making me cross .. I don't know how to approach it as I don't want to cause a rift but I am fed up..any ideas..?

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 28/02/2019 12:18

YANBU. I would just ask him to pick something up to make for dinner next time.

HollowTalk · 28/02/2019 12:19

You could say, "I'm happy to cook for you on Friday night. Do you want to bring something over for Saturday night or do you want to get us a takeaway?"

Everyone knows food is expensive. You're a single mum - your priority is always going to be your children, not a man who's keeping his money for himself.

mummmy2017 · 28/02/2019 12:20

This is take away time..

Oh john , I fancy a curry, you can treat us as I normally but all the food for the weekends when your here ..

Notthatsimple · 28/02/2019 12:20

Do you never go to his place?

Ginseng1 · 28/02/2019 12:21

I would be mad he not offering to shop or cook for. Sounds very mean. If you can't go out a nice take away be a treat (from him!) every week or so as well.

BlueSkiesLies · 28/02/2019 12:21

Just say “hey DP please can you pick up food for dinner tonight?”

Or “how about you get a deliveoo for all of us since I’ve been buying and cooking all our other meals”

LemonSqueezy0 · 28/02/2019 12:23

Just raise it with him. Say you're spending alot of money each time and as it's a very regular thing, how about a fair contribution from him. It's a shame he hasn't thought to offer but his reaction will tell you alot on how he views you and your relationship.

NabooThatsWho · 28/02/2019 12:23

Is he generous in other ways?

Or does he just use you for sex and free lodgings?

theWarOnPeace · 28/02/2019 12:24

The fact that he hasn’t realised himself that he’s taking the piss, says a lot about him. If he was living there he’d be a cocklodger.

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/02/2019 12:25

What Lemonsqueezy said. Making him buy one takeaway won't help in the long term. You need to have a serious chat about his freeloading. To be honest I'd see it as a big red flag that he's happy to let you foot the bill without offering anything - he sounds selfish.

Bananalanacake · 28/02/2019 12:26

Great idea above. Just say haven't had time to shop after work can you bring pasta and mince and peppers. Then see if he asks for cash.

Pringlemunchers · 28/02/2019 12:27

If he is still living at home, he probably has no idea how expensive it is ? Just have a chat with him.

ApolloandDaphne · 28/02/2019 12:29

I think you need to have an honest talk with him. Tell him you are noticing a big increase in the cost of your food shopping and you want to try and save a bit more for holidays/stuff for your DC etc. Then ask him to contribute something to the weekend food shop to cover the extra while he is there.

user1457017537 · 28/02/2019 12:29

Does he pay for anything or buy you or the kids treats. If he genuinely doesn’t spend anything you have your answer.

Asta19 · 28/02/2019 12:31

Any self aware adult wouldn't need to be asked. If I was at someone's for the weekend I'd automatically say "can I bring anything?" If I was going there every weekend I could not just sit there and eat their food time after time without offering to get some shopping, or a takeaway etc.

I agree with LemonSqueezy0 asking him to buy one takeaway isn't going to solve the problem in the long term and a proper discussion is needed.

0rangeB0ttle · 28/02/2019 12:39

You have fed him for a year & he has never offered to buy any food, not even bought you a bar of chocolate ? He is essentially taking money from your children. So he should be buying food that you or he can cook or he buys takeaway. Of course people normally contribute ! If all your bills increase and bills for your children, how can you afford to feed an adult, who I presume is working ? You need to have the conversation this weekend !

HolesinTheSoles · 28/02/2019 13:00

If it hasn't occurred to him to offer over the last year if you ask him to pick up a take away he'll probably interpret that as a one off treat and imagine himself very generous for going along with it. You need to have an actual conversation.

GabriellaMontez · 28/02/2019 13:09

"How about I arrange tea Friday and you do saturday?"

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's just got a blind spot ...
But if he says no, get rid of him.

GabriellaMontez · 28/02/2019 13:11

Omg just realised you're doing the cooking as well as the buying? Why? What is he doing?

Holidayshopping · 28/02/2019 13:15

I think more detail is needed, OP.

Does he have his own place or does he live at home?
Do you ever stay over at his?
Have you never discussed money with him before?
How much disposable income does he have?

0rangeB0ttle · 28/02/2019 13:45

Assume breakfast, lunch, dinner & snacks for 2 days X 52 weeks I'm estimating is £1000. So that is a holiday with your children or savings or days out that you are missing out on.

NCforthis2019 · 28/02/2019 14:27

what the hell - youve fed and housed him every weekend for the year and only just realised theres something off with this arrangement? What does he bring into the relationship?

Gth1234 · 28/02/2019 14:39

I think @LemonSqueezy0 is doing this the right way.

Directness is called for. Sarcastic type comments are never good. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, is a truism for a reason.

Denis44 · 26/09/2023 21:38

I’m in a very similar situation to you. Did this get resolved, has your relationship survived?

CherryMaDeara · 26/09/2023 21:40

He’s a cocklodger, OP. Just get rid of him, he is stealing food from your children.