Absolutely no sex drive young woman

[Slippiepippie]

Hi.

Im a 20 year old female in a relationship for the last 4 years with my boyfriend. I love him so much but fail to see the reason why i have no. Sex drive.

At the start it was fine we would have sex regularly maybe even twice a day sometimes.. However about a year later it died down and he would often ask why i dont initiate it.

I do have some issues regarding sex due to me having lots of one night stands with horrible people before i met my boyfriend and i suppose for some reason i dont crave sex and would actually say it can make me uncomfortable. I suppose i dont initiate sex with a loving relationship sex makes me feel under pressure and almost scared for some reason. Scared of failure.. Embarassed.. Ashamed..

Im scared this is gonna drive us apart.

At the moment we havent had sex since maybe September or October which i know is a crazy long time for a young couple. We dont really discuss it either we just ignore it and every few months we might say oh jeez we havent done that in ages.

Every other aspect of the relationship is perfect.

I put on quite a lot of weight in the last 2 years which i have been losing the last 2 months so i suppose this affected my confidence and maybe if he had touched me id be like ew get away why would you want to touch me etc..

Im young and should want and crave sex but i dont.

Is there anything i could take or do to increase it?

Are you on hormonal contraceptives by any chance?

At this stage id be willing to try supplements or eating. Because i love my partner alot and we have been through loads. We both agreed we value our relationship alot and if there is no sex for a while we dont mind too much. But i dont want it to. Be like this anymore.

He knows i feel uncomfortable regarding sex for some reason but surely i cant feel like that forever i have to move past it and enjoy sex sometime?

Its always been vanilla even tho id like to try other things but my body just freezes and i would just stop and get embarassed.

Im on the mini pill. Which i havent taken in about a month seen as we don't have sex..

I was on the injection for 2 years. Could that have absolutely killed my sex drive?

Because literally at the moment i forget my vagina exists.. Its only for going pee. Which is sad

I dont think taking something to increase your sex drive is the place to start.

Is the sex you have w your boyfriend satisfying? If not, that might be one reason you're not that bothered.

Are you ashamed of your weight gain? If so and its stopping you wanting sex then that's an issue.

Are you on the pill? That kills sex drive for many women.

Ultimately people enjoy different amounts of sex and there is no right or wrong although you do have to be well-matched your partner.

If you enjoy the sex once its underway then making a conscious effort to initiate it may help but if you dont really want sex at all then it might be better to forego the relationship and try again.

Are you on the pill? It completely killed my sex drive.

Do you have sexual feelings at all? Or is it you just don't want to have sex with your DP?

Do you actually enjoy sex when you have it with your DP? You've mentioned your feelings about previous partners, is it still like this with DP? I think you would benefit from talking with someone professionally about these feelings if you think this is what's stopping you from wanting sex.

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If vanilla sex doesnt do it for you then maybe you need to explore a little what does.

Its kind of like when sex gets initiated i get scared and my body freezes.

When we are into and actually doing it yes i do enjoy it and i get so happy and re assured that we've had sex and feel were in a happier place.

Its just getting it started or how to get that feeling of oh i want it that i struggle with.

Im on the mini pill and have just came off an injection which i feel killed my drive.

And no i dont really have sexual feelings at all.. Once every 2 or 3 months i might masturbate or remember sexuality exists.

The injection is terrible. I actually thought I was asexual as I had no interest in sex. After I finished with the injection, things certainly improved.

Your vagina is only for going pee?

Are you sure about that?

Andro thats good to hear thanks. I thought that might make a difference. I came off that a couple. Onths ago.

And yes.. At the moment its only purpose is going to the bathroom... What do you mean am i sure?

she's being facetious

You don't wee out of your vagina OP.

Maybe speak to your GP. Hormonal contraception can mess with things like your sex drive

I have similar, i've just come off contraception to see if that helps but my main issue is i have anxiety about it! I do enjoy it etc once we start but i worry about it starting, my OH is so supportive and understanding of it. I hope mine returns once my hormones go back to normal!

It might take a while (few months) for the hormones to go back to normal, there is a lot of info that some of the birth control pill/injections have a detrimental effect on your sex drive.

It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety around sex. Maybe read up about sexual guilt/shame and see if you could maybe see a sex therapist or a general therapist.

Also it might be a good idea to look at an anatomy of the female genitalia, you don't pee out of your vagina. You have 3 holes, your urethra (pee hole), your vagina (penis goes in, baby comes out, where you put a tampon) and your anus (poo hole).

Hope things pick up for you soon.

Whatever the terms are i dont really care for too much. I just meant at the moment it seems all down there is good for is day to day activities.

It just indicates to me that you may be unfamiliar with female anatomy...

I won't speculate as to why that may be...

Perhaps you no longer find your partner attractive.

We are hugely different at 20 from who we were at 16 and mightn't necessarily make the same choices. Whether it was the encounters you described prior to your relationship, or the relationship with your current partner, you haven't been single and had time to find out who you really are and what you really want from life.

Counselling would also be important in this situation, particularly if you have unresolved issues from your past - is that a possibility for you? Can you speak to your GP about that?

What else do you have going on in your life that you are excited about and proud of? Do you have any ambitions you hope to fulfill and are working towards?

Op, from what you have described your history to have been like, my advice would be to go for therapy.

I'm not suggesting 'you're messed up' at all, but you described your history as being one night stands, uncaring, not such lovely characters, not enjoyable I imagine.
You're focusing mainly on the sex, but I'm guessing there's something emotional going on underneath it all.
Maybe deep down you don't feel as though your deserving of a warm living physical relationship, so instantly you freeze. I doubt you have those thoughts consciously, but subconscious thoughts can be very leading!
From how you describe your vagina as sort of just a thing, it's part of your femininity, of you, yet you feel little regard for it, hense also your past secular experiences.
I think maybe the issue is emotional with you, as opposed to just hormonal.
You come across as lovely and you've obviously got a wonderfully supportive partner. You just need to know and feel that you're deserving of such a loving relationship.

I needed 18 months off of the injection before I got my sex drive back. Useless thing, the injection.

Hey @Slippiepippie,
I have had a similar experience with complete loss of sex drive. I spent a lot of time getting back in touch with my sexual side. Hormonal contraception can affect us in far more complex ways than often our GPs have advice for. It may or my not be helpful for you but I have just released a vodcast about the effects hormonal contraception can have on how we are attracted to people, this is the link just in case
Wishing you luck with your journey x