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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want all girls

26 replies

rockingchaircandle · 28/02/2019 11:32

I've moved to Ireland and have a daughter that will turn 4 in July.

The only school that has offered her a place for September is an all girls school.
If she carries on at nursery, she will hopefully be offered be offered a place in a mixed school.

Is it better to start now, and have her in single sex education till she's 12 (feels unnatural) or keep her in nursery school and she starts later (feels late and she'll probably do much of the same activities/ topics as this year)?

OP posts:
PedroPonyismyspiritanimal · 28/02/2019 13:18

I have a DD5 who just started reception (UK, mixed). I wouldn't want her in single sex education from primary age, although wasn't an option for us. My friend's DD is in all girls primary, her first question was where are all the boys? They need to mix at that age, would be really bad for their development to be in single sex school so young.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/02/2019 13:20

My nearest single sex primary does a lot of mixing with the single sex male school too - does yours? They do assemblies, some playtimes, PE and a few lessons together.

EmeraldShamrock · 28/02/2019 13:21

I am Ireland too, there are less single sex schools.
I've always attended mixed but from friends experiences of all girl school are not good.
My DC go to a mixed school too.

EmeraldShamrock · 28/02/2019 13:22

That is true, they mix lots more but the local boys school, they are not as segregated as in the past.

Original poster
rockingchaircandle · 28/02/2019 13:28

The school is Catholic and the only time they would mix would be when they took their First Communion classes (that she wouldn't be doing anyway).

She's been to a couple of nurseries as we've moved around and has always ended up with a boy as a best mate.

As a secondary teacher, the only all girls school I taught in seemed very bitchy, and it just seems strange to segregate.

There's no guarantee she would get into the mixed (non-faith) school, so I could keep her back for nothing...

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 28/02/2019 13:34

What about a mixed faith school. My DC attend a mixed faith school, lots of DDs friend's did not make their holy communion they were all included beautifully as they had a photo shoot for all of the year, some wore beautiful outfits displaying their faith, others wore party clothes.
Can you get into a nursery with a feeder school.
Is she on her first year of ecce.
Lots of parents are opting for the 2nd year of ecce including myself so there should be more school places this year.
Are there many schools in your area.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 28/02/2019 13:36

I’m Irish and I went to single sex schools all the way through as did my brother. No big deal imo, I did a lot of activities outside school which were mixed, sports, music etc.
On an unrelated matter- your daughter will be extremely young starting school. A lot Irish schools have a cut off of 4 before the end of March the year they start school. If you are considering holding her back it might be something to think about. My ds is In junior infants and is one of the youngest in his class and he was 5 a few weeks after he started

EmeraldShamrock · 28/02/2019 13:37

I saw your DDs age. In Ireland children usually have to be 4 before April to get in the September.
That will reduce your options lots.

Pernickity1 · 28/02/2019 13:43

Hold her back until 5 and get her in a mixed school if possible? Turning four in July will make her one of the very youngest in her class in an Irish school...

It is frustrating though - the lack of options in the Irish school system (particularly if you’re not religious)It’s SLOWLY changing but it’s taking an age!

I think a mixed sex school is better at primary level but single sex schools benefit girls at secondary - that’s my plan for my DDs anyway!

Original poster
rockingchaircandle · 28/02/2019 13:47

Thank you for all the replies.

This was the only school that offered her a place this year, the other 2 local schools we would realistically get in to (South Dublin) wouldn't even think about offering till next year.

There are 2 mixed schools - one faith/ one not - and I think I would prefer either. Her dad is Irish and went to an all boys school - he found it fine but would rather she could go to mixed than not. He wants her to start school asap though.

She'll use her second year of ECCE if she stays so money isn't the same issue it would be at home in the UK.

I just worry she will be bored if she stays at nursery and does the same activities when she could be learning the 3 Rs. (Although then I worry she would be too immature too!)

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 28/02/2019 13:48

As a secondary teacher, the only all girls school I taught in seemed very bitchy, and it just seems strange to segregate

So many points to make...
Did you and the other staff not try to stamp out bullying then? 🤨

And in mixed schools have you not experienced girls deliberately holding their own potential back because they don’t want to be seen as ‘uncool’ and geeky by the boys?

And finally I presume you dont think your four year old is going to be bitchy?

For what it’s worth there are positives and negatives for both types of schools.
There’s a lot of research that suggests children do better taught separately but that there are downsides to it to i.e. girls can do less well socially.
There is even a piece in the Irish Times for you to read.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 28/02/2019 13:56

She won’t be bored at nursery. My ds is a really smart cookie and he wasn’t bored doing a second ecce year. Also if you are south dublin and you are planning on staying long term then it’s worth having a look at what secondary schools if any the primary school feeds. My ds primary doesn’t feed any secondary school becuase around here everyone goes to private secondary. Also if you are planning on going to a private secondary school then you might find the door shut to you if you are not a confirmed catholic- just a few mad things to consider in the crazy Irish education system.

MyDcAreMarvel · 28/02/2019 14:00

Why would you want your just turned four old to learn to read and write? She will learn far better through play based learning in a nursery environment.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2019 14:00

If you've no reason to hold her back as a Summer Baby then could you start her at the single sex but apply for a place at either mixed schools for whenever there is a gap? It's only one year ideally and one of the others might have a gapsooner

HolesinTheSoles · 28/02/2019 14:01

I don't think she'll be bored at nursery. At four they should be working on their communication and social skills and general motor skills, the topic work and literacy isn't at all necessary at that age (most other countries wouldn't have started it yet and their kids aren't bored).

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2019 14:01

MyDcAreMarvel presumably the alternative is holding her back a year so she'll be older than all the other kids which might have a knock on effect come secondary school

Original poster
rockingchaircandle · 28/02/2019 14:22

@MimiSunshine

So many assumptions you've made! Wink

Did you and the other staff not try to stamp out bullying then? Yes, we did.

And in mixed schools have you not experienced girls deliberately holding their own potential back because they don’t want to be seen as ‘uncool’ and geeky by the boys? Yes (staff tried to deal with that too) - it's a valid point, but not necessarily reason enough to unnaturally segregate. Happens with loud/ quiet students too, for example, but you can't separate everyone.

And finally I presume you dont think your four year old is going to be bitchy? Urm, just baffled by this? I think she will have just as much chance as any other girl, especially in certain settings.

For what it’s worth there are positives and negatives for both types of schools. Yes.
There’s a lot of research that suggests children do better taught separately but that there are downsides to it to i.e. girls can do less well socially. Yes, I'm researching as I find the decision difficult.

There is even a piece in the Irish Times for you to read. Yep, read that and many others!

Really didn't mean to upset anyone with this question, and I'm not criticising people who do have children at single sex schools!

OP posts:
Original poster
rockingchaircandle · 28/02/2019 14:28

With regards to reading and writing at 4, I know some countries leave it as late as 7 with no issues. Maybe she should be still playing and I worry about her maturity, but then I think it will be 6 months+ before she actually starts though.

Her cousin is a year older and she's thriving having started school and learning these things at 4 (slightly older birth month), and I've seen the same with lots of my friends' children too.

Her nursery is very small so I'm not sure how much they will have the chance to change things for the older children as they are all in one class.

Some more good points to think about though - thanks!

OP posts:
riotlady · 28/02/2019 15:02

I know single sex schools have a bad rep but honestly I went to an all-girls secondary and loved it. I think it was empowering to see everything- leadership positions, sports, STEM subjects- filled with girls. It might not be as bad as you think?

MyDcAreMarvel · 28/02/2019 16:42

@SleepingStandingUp the op is in Ireland there will be no knock on affect when starting secondary school.

MimiSunshine · 28/02/2019 16:50

I know I made assumptions. It was because you seemed to judge all single sex schools based on your experience in ONE and at in a different age bracket to the one you’re considering.

Personally if there was no reason to hold my child back from school and the one offered was a good one, I’d send it them to it.
If I was concerned about ‘unnatural segregation’ as you put it. Then I’d make sure they had plenty of extra curricular opportunities to mix with the opposite sex then re-evaluate a bit further down the line with the possibility of moving schools if I felt was necessary

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/02/2019 17:03

It seems to me that extracuriculars are quite often single sex: sports or guides/scouts. Performing arts is about the only mixed my kids have done. Oh apart from orchestra but not much opportunity for socialising there.

doIreallyneedto · 28/02/2019 17:30

@SleepingStandingUp - presumably the alternative is holding her back a year so she'll be older than all the other kids which might have a knock on effect come secondary school

If she goes this year, she will, in all likelihood, be at least 18 months younger than the oldest child and will probably be the youngest in the class by a long shot. In Ireland, most children start at 5 or nearly 5. My dd was 5 the september she started and was in the bottom third age wise.

Op - I'd say hold her until next year. You really don't want her being that much younger than her classmates particularly once she hits secondary.

EmeraldShamrock · 28/02/2019 17:33

I would hold off until next year, find a good pre school. I know DS school has a different class for those on their 2nd ecce year, they focus more on learning.
Find out with a two tier ecce system. My DS will be 5 starting too.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2019 18:44

I stand corrected on the school age stuff and will shut up and shuffle off 😂

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