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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad

16 replies

Beingamoaner · 26/02/2019 21:52

I'm sad tonight and feel like a big moaner so I'm sorry but I need to put this down.
My marriage is failing. He wants to stay together I don't. I've phoned the mortgage company and I can't buy him out so the house will have to be sold.
If I leave I'll never have another child due to age and fertility issues.
I like my job but I'm new and it's hard. the commute is 45 mins each way which is struggle with. can't increase hours as nursery costs will wipe out any extra money.

I'm trapped

OP posts:
Original poster
Beingamoaner · 26/02/2019 22:15
Sad
OP posts:
Hohofortherobbers · 26/02/2019 22:19

Is your marriage definitely over? As he wants to stay is there a chance you could work it out?

Original poster
Beingamoaner · 26/02/2019 22:21

I want out. We're at crisis point every few months it's too stressful

OP posts:
Hohofortherobbers · 26/02/2019 22:32

Have you been for counselling or are you just going round in circles? What causes the crises?

Original poster
Beingamoaner · 26/02/2019 22:35

Honestly I crave my single life and I'm not cut out for relationships Sad

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 26/02/2019 22:40

By crisis point what do you mean? I would never encourage a woman to stay in a harmful or abusive relationship but if you're just out of love couldn't you stay for a bit and give things a chance?

I would probably stay in a non loving but safe relationship while my kids were young.

Original poster
Beingamoaner · 26/02/2019 22:41

like I just flip a switch and I just want out. So there's no intimacy or conversation. It's just a lifeless marriage

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 26/02/2019 22:43

OP you sound depressed but also like you’ve given up on your marriage without putting any - let’s be honest - slog in. Have you tried couples counselling?

Original poster
Beingamoaner · 26/02/2019 22:45

We Did try it but when we got outside he argued every point i made. it was a waste of time

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 26/02/2019 22:46

So you'd prefer to be a single parent with a long commute, dc in nursery for long hours at great expense, and lose your house? Shock

MumCatx2 · 26/02/2019 22:53

I get how you feel. You can't fake the emotion. When you're done, you're done. It will be hard, but you're not the first, you'll get there. Change jobs, ask for flexible working, apply for a council house, theres lots of option. Good luck

user1473878824 · 26/02/2019 23:21

How long did you try for? Just... you seem really detached and willing to just implode stuff because it’s a bit shit now and I’m worried for you as you sound really quite depressed. Flowers

Original poster
Beingamoaner · 27/02/2019 09:03

I can't fake emotion that's the issue. We've tried to make it work for about 2 years and it's just not

OP posts:
CoolJule43 · 27/02/2019 10:32

Better to sell the house than continue to live a life you are unhappy with. You do seem very sure you don't want to be together.

So, you won't ever have another child but you may not anyway (as you have fertility issues) even if you stay in your unhappy relationship. It would be very selfish if you to contemplate bringing another child into your unhappy relationship.

Could you move nearer to the job you like after you have sold the house? This would at least cut your commute and give you more quality time with your child.

CoolJule43 · 27/02/2019 10:34
  • 'of you' not 'if you'.
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2019 10:46

Sell the house and move closer to work? Where is the nursery?

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