AIBU to think having kids = relentless worry?

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I’m feeling totally overwhelmed and worn down with the realisation that worrying about my kids will be never ending. They are 21 and 20 one is at uni and one has a decent job they’re really happy at, but being an anxious person i sometimes feel crippled with worry. I’m torn between wanting them to be able to come to me with their worries and rather not knowing, that’s really rubbish isn’t it.
Anyone else feeling overwhelmed?

One at uni, one in a decent job, both really happy. You've done a great job.

Your anxiety is disproportionate, you know this deep down. Having any therapy or meds for your anxiety? That could really help.

Agree that therapy is the way to go here.

OP, how funny, I nearly started a thread on this myself!
My eldest DD is 18 and last year was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, was self harming and had hit rock bottom and before she opened up to us we had no idea. It was absolutely terrible and even though she is better now it has made me realise that I will never, ever stop worrying now. In fact, I worry so much more about her now than I ever did in the years before. I also have two younger DCs and this experience has made me realise that I have no idea what is going on in their heads as they get older either. So they could be going through the same stuff as my eldest and I would be none the wiser. Or there could be other stuff going on in their life’s as they grow up... I have to make myself stop thinking about it because these thoughts terrify me, quite frankly.
I also think nobody warns you about this - the sleepless nights, terrible twos, stressing about exams - all these things I knew were coming and I was fine with it. But this - the realisation that I will always, always worry about them and feel completely helpless as they grow older - I had never really thought about until recently. It’s awful and it is making me really depressed. So even though I envy your position, I can totally relate to the sentiment x

Thank you for the replies. SummersB My son between the age of 12-16 had MH issues and it took a lot of input to get him back on track he’s now doing really well and is happy but it certainly left it’s mark on all of us. One of my kids came out about 3 months ago, we were pretty blindsided and as much as it’s not an issue in our family it brings its own worries. He’s gone from hardly going out to online dating. I know it’s all part of life and we have to let them go and make their own way but it’s bloody terrifying.

Yep feel this. My kids are a lot younger 6, 8 and 11 so still a long way to go. My eldest has asd and some learning difficulties and I never switch off from worrying about her and what her life will be and how she will cope and get through our education system. I don't worry about the other pair half as much but I am always wondering whether I am parenting right, doing, saying the right things and so on. I don't think I would be worrying as much though if my eldest child didn't have the difficulties that she does. Sometimes I just wish I could enjoy the present with them and stop projecting in to their futures.

Sorry not much to advise just wanted to let you know you are not alone

My eldest are 29+26, still a worry.
Then a dgc....
Thank goodness for chocolate!
I am currently trying to take a step back from being so invested tbh. My mh was being affected. They know I am here and I trust they will confide if they need to . Still seeing them as much just more relaxed now.

I think taking a step back and being overly invested is the best way forward, plus gin & wine. 😄

I feel like this too, gratitude can help so 3 things you are grateful for , they are safe etc, it is heard though. So much of it is out of our control espeicially as they get older.

One of mine is a police officer in a big city and the other goes backpacking solo for months in remote places. I try very hard not to worry until I really have to, but it's very hard. Thank goodness for WhatsApp telling me when they were 'last active' !!