To have almost got to 40 before realising ...

[LellowYedbetter]

That it’s ok to be different?

When I was a child I was constantly annoyed that my male cousins were allowed to run off into the woods, make dens, play soldiers etc whilst us girls were kept indoors to “do crafts”. It bored me shitless. I just wanted to go out and have fun!
As a teen I was constantly under pressure to wear make up, do my hair, listen to the latest boy band ... when all I wanted to do was learn karate and obsess over Axl Rose!

In my 20s I carried on this bullshit of trying to apply make-up to fit in, bought girly clothes that didn’t suit me, wore high heeled shoes that I couldn’t walk in ... I was constantly miserable and felt inadequate. I just couldn’t pull it off yet I tried and tried ...

My early 30s was the same to the point where I avoided going out of the house because I thought I had to wear make up and nice clothes and I just couldn’t do it.

I’m now 38. And for the past year I’ve started to realise that I no longer give a shit! Why should I? Nobody cares! Yes I DO prefer to be covered in mud from a good dog walk to wearing perfect make up! Yes I do prefer watching MMA and cage fighting to love island and strictly come dancing! Yes I do find Ricky Gervais hilarious and not at all offensive, yes I DO prefer smelling of horses to expensive perfume ... it’s like a new lease of life! I’m so much happier.

AIBU to think I’m late to the party here? Or have other women struggled well into their 30s trying to fit the mould??

YANBU. We are bombarded every day with the expectation of how we are supposed to look, to dress, to present ourselves.

Even the ‘body positivity’ movement is reinforcing this - all about concepts of ‘beauty’ and plus size models having to completely over perform their femininity to be accepted as ‘beautiful’. Why does everything and everyone have to be beautiful? Why can’t we be a bit weird looking but actually smart, funny, creative, musical, or kind?

I think i’m quite lucky as neither my mum or my grandmothers were the type to wear makeup; and certainly my mum was more likely to be tramping round a field in wellies than donning high heels and makeup.

Not that there is anything wrong with wearing make up or high heels or being feminine if that’s what someone wants to wear; but i’m so glad that the default example to me has always been ‘no makeup’; and it’s OK to play with Barbies one day then go out on bikes and climb trees the next. For some it must be much more difficult breaking free of that socialisation.

It’s one of the best things about getting older, isn’t it? No longer giving a shit. I spent my teens twisting myself into knots over what people thought of me. Spent my student days wishing I could enjoy things like dancing and clubbing when in reality I’d rather jump off a building.

It’s so freeing to be 38 and realising that I’m probably skirting on the edge of the autism spectrum, and all of the traits that made me feel different (and defective) and awkward are things I can’t change - and actually don’t want to.

I think mid 30s is when I became more comfortable in my body.

Yes, I still have anxieties, but I feel less pressure to fit into the mould.

Enjoy your new found freedom.

All good, I am the same but accepted this in my twenties

YABU about cage fighting though

YABU about Gervais, he's a smug git who doesn't write his own material.

Haworthia - snap! I am on the spectrum and now I realise that isn’t a bad thing. DH says I’m “quirky” and “unique” ... in a good way apparently. Recently a male friend of mine looked at me in a total state of confusion (I can’t remember what we were doing or talking about” ... laughed and said “you ain’t half a weirdo!” ... I thanked him. I genuinely see that as a compliment now. I can’t believe the difference I feel looking at myself in a whole new light.

I’ve also finally admitted that I don’t like going out drinking and partying. No more tying myself in knots trying to think of excuses! I just want to stay at home with my dog and play computer games ... thanks all the same 😁

I love this, I’m also far more at home covered in mud, horse and dog hair

Isn't it a relief when it happens. And you have years and years ahead to enjoy not giving a fuck.

OMG you must be Trans

One of the best gifts you can give yourself is the freedom to enjoy things you like, rather than limit your life based on other people expectations.

BlueSkies ... I was always “accused” of being a lesbian when I was a teenager. Simply because I wasn’t your average “girl”. The trans thing wasn’t popular back then otherwise I’m in no doubt that I would have been brainwashed into thinking I wanted to be a boy.

Every woman needs to enjoy herself and lie down in a slanket if that pleases her.

People should do what makes them happy. Fitting the mould is just bullshit.

Great! My DD has discovered this at 16!! She has more friends being herself than she did when she tried to fit in as it just didn’t work for her.
I’m not a big glamourpuss and am much happier slobbing about than getting dressed up. If u have to, my heart sinks. I wear minimal makeup and I hate heels (again when I have to wear them I wear kitten heels as it’s all I can bear).

I've never been a girly girl. Can't wear heels cos they hurt my feet; not interested in clothes; always had to wear specs; preferred jeans and trainers to dressing up. I never had any problem getting a boy though.

You are 38 not 88. Who on earth made you stay in to do crafts?

I'm the other side of being peri menopausal symptoms and you just don't care anymore. It's liberating! Do what makes you happy.
Wear what is comfortable: be nice but yourself. I hated my teens ; I look back now and cringe.
Being older has some advantages!

I've never really had that desire to fit in. One of my earliest memories - aged about 4 - was a family friend saying to me 'you always have to be different don't you?'

Same here, except the opposite experience.

I love wearing make up, dresses heels etc and now do so every day. I don't wanna be a tomboy.

Yeah...OK. ..but it's funny how liking "non girly" things and being uninterested in make up and fashion is always held up on here as some kind of badge of honour.
You are saying you discovered your likes and interests but not until your 30s? Well, that's good- seems way late though!
Who was putting all this pressure on you to do things you didn't like?

I started training in MMA at 38... Never too late

I also like Ricky Gervais.
The office was good, a real treat.

So turning 40 stop giving a monkeys about what people think maybe another 10 years and then you realise that none of the people gave a monkeys anyway

Oscar, the crafts thing was when I was a kid, “the adults” FORCED all the female kids to stay in and do crafts. It was what they considered the done thing.

Heathen, I’ve just re-started Karate, loving it!