To be a bit pissed off

[budgiegirl]

I’m a cub leader. Last cub meeting I’d arranged a trip to a pet shop about 15 minutes drive from our usual meeting place.

A few days before the trip a parent had put a request on our closed Facebook page asking if anyone could give a lift to her daughter as she has another child who has a club at the same time and so she can’t get her DD to the pet shop on time. Fair enough.

I could have offered a lift, although she lives quite a long way out of my way, and I’m already taking two other cubs! So I didn’t reply to her request, but left it for other parents to offer. (there are 30 cubs in our pack, so plenty of people who could offer).

However, by 24 hours before the trip, no one had replied, although I could see most of the parents had viewed the post. So I offered a lift, which was gratefully accepted, as otherwise her DD wouldn’t be able to go.

Now, I don’t really mind giving the child a lift, although it will add quite a bit of time to my journey. But AIBU to be a bit pissed off that once again, it’s left to me as the cub leader to go the extra mile (on this occasion, quite literally!)? I appreciate that parents are generally busy, but so am I, and many of them live on the same estate as the child needing a lift, so it wouldn’t take them out of their way. Or should I just suck it up and accept the lack of help?

This is the norm, a few will help but the rest will sit back and do sod all. We see it with the football team, it's always the same parents that offer lifts, run the line etc.

well, in your place I would probably have posted on the page saying - I can't do it, car is full, I am sure someone else who lives near you will be able to help? It woudl be a shame if dd missed out.

But there may be a back story. We moved into an area with long establishes families and relationships, and while people are nice and help us and we help them, I am often aware that there is a whole undercurrent of history going on. No-one will help certain parents because they don't like/trust them. I remember dd going for a playdate, and another mum saying "sniff, sniff, humph, I wouldn't let my ds play at THAT house" The house was fine, the mum was, however, inclinded to get into big rows with other people, and so half the estate didn't speak to her.

It's pretty common that for many parents they'll ask for others to help but won't offer their own, especially with things like scouting or guiding. You tend to find the same cluster of people offering support repeatedly. Not because they have more time on their hands, simply because they're prepared to help.

Yanbu, but it's the same everywhere. Some people just take and never give. Thankfully, the takers in my circle amount to about 10%, hope the trend doesn't get any larger!

YANBU

Every club, society and group I've ever been involved in has a small circle of people who are prepared to pitch in and help, but most are happy to sit back and let others do everything.

A trip to a petshop?

@Petitprince our Beavers group go to Pets at Home every year or so. They look at the animals, the staff talk to them about animal care, they're sometimes allowed to hold rabbits etc. For some children they don't have any pets or interaction with animals, and it's always a great evening.

Unless you want to make membership subject to how much parents get involved, there's not much you can do about it.

You could have helped the person (and yourself) out by shouting up and saying: "how about it guys? I'm already taking two."

Get your cubs to do a project on car-sharing? How it helps the environment by saving on miles driven etc but also how it would help their parents by having to do less trips. It might alter the mindset of a few parents although it would probably be the ones who are already willing to help out.

You could have used the fb group to very publicly say "X and Y you live nearby and drive a huge car, can you help out" but that would have been rather embarrassing for the mother and child involved.

You could have helped the person (and yourself) out by shouting up and saying: "how about it guys? I'm already taking two

Yes, you’re right, I should have done! It may well have worked, but it’s a shame I need to prompt people to help, but that’s life I suppose.

Unless you want to make membership subject to how much parents get involved, there's not much you can do about it. I understand what you mean, but I suppose I don’t really consider this to be ‘getting involved’, just offering a lift when it’s to somewhere the parents are already going anyway. To me, getting involved would be stopping at the pet shop to help!