To think the most irritating words are "I'd have done that"

[Steamfan]

"if you'd asked me"? Why, why would I ask? DH can see that the huge bag of dog food needs putting in the tin, he can see that the loo rolls need putting away (and the empty tubes putting in the recycling) that stuff needs picking up and putting away, that the hedge needs cutting, and that tree which I asked you to deal with last bloody year - still needs trimming. Why does he need to be told all the time? I started leaving the cardboard loo rolls in the bathroom, but when ten of them were lying around I had to deal with them. Also, every odd sock that I see not in the laundry bag is now in the bin (sometimes pairs are put in as well) Maybe it's petty, maybe I'm just cranky after being up all night with the lurgy, but I'm just really cross today!

Yanbu. It's that mental load thing again isn't it?
Does he sit at work and wait until he's specifically asked to do each thing? Waiting until he's asked means he has to do less and not use his brain at all.

YES! (Sorry for shouting)

100% agree with you OP, frustrating as fuck. 'What do you want me to do?' Well I'd like you to be a functioning adult, look around you, see what needs to be done and bloody do it. You see the bin over there that's so full the lid won't close? Here's a crazy idea, put the full bag out and put a fresh liner in! Rather than waiting for your - -unpaid skivvy-- wife to do it!

I know in his head he thinks he's being oh so helpful but that infuriates me. It's actually not the case that I must do every single fucking thing so by you doing any thing you are 'helping' me. No. It turns out you live here too. So it's less you helping me more you contributing to the general upkeep of the household

Another one I hate is 'I was only trying to help ' FFS you're 41, you shouldn't be trying to complete a household task help, you should be actually -- helping!

Ha! Yes, Flirty the sad face! that goes with I thought I was doing the right thing

Yep.
Yesterday I was upstairs cleaning for an hour. Came down to find boyfriend playing on ps4. 'Having a nice morning dear?' I said.
'Well what needs doing?' He was sitting next to a huge pile of laundry that needed folding in a lounge the visibly needed dusting and the kitchen needed a clean. And he was actually annoyed because I'd started cleaning as it made him feel guilty. It does my head in.