AIBU- annoyed at reaction to doing housework

[Porridgeprincess]

So both me and my DP work full time.

During the week I do the dinners and ware etc and keep the kitchen clean and tidy up other bits around the place so that the place doesn't look like a tip.

At the weekends then the bigger jobs happen, the hoovering, floor cleaning, laundry, food shop etc. I would do these.

I did most of the hoovering yesterday and asked my partner to do the sitting room as I am 20 weeks pregnant and I don't like moving the big couches. This is met with him reeling off a list of the jobs that he does (tending the fire and cleaning stuff out into our skip as we are having work done soon). He has not lit a fire in a week as it has been mild and the skip has also not been touched in a week.

I am annoyed that this is the reaction I received as when the baby comes he will need to be a lot more proactive.

AIBU to have a bit of a chat with him about this and hope it is met with a positive reaction. The thing is , he probably will have hoovered by the time I get home (he is not working today) so it is not that he does not do it, it is the attitude when asked I find draining!

He's got a shock coming. Housework should be at least 50/50 if you both work. Have you ever noticed that when some men list the jobs they do they are always things that only need doing once or twice a week, like emptying bins etc . He needs to start pulling his weight now not ust when baby comes.

Sounds like your problem is that you've allowed him to get away with it for a long time - how did you get in the situation where you were doing all the cooking, washing and cleaning and he was just doing occasional jobs - unless he works much longer hours than you?

Still, you are where you are and YADNBU to want to change it. If you don't do something about it now, then you are likely to be in the situation where you are on maternity leave and he thinks that you can fit in all the housework etc whilst at home with the baby, whereas you will be doing the equivalent of a full-time (and more!) job looking after baby and only if very lucky will get time to do more than maybe prepare a meal and put a wash on.

I suggest you sit down and agree a more equal split of housework etc for now, but also that it will be revisited when the baby arrives (and then again if you intend to go back to work) to take into account that the baby will need looking after too but right now difficult to know how needy the baby will be or eg if you will have to do more with baby due to breastfeeding if that's your choice. (As an aside, I found breastfeeding a very good reason for doing less of the housework when DC were babies!)

I wonder do they actually believe the list themselves? He does have a shock coming but I would like to get it all out of the way now. He has gotten worse since he began working a shift pattern (thankfully that stops soon) but i need to get a straight chat in now really don't I?

AliMonkey I definitely just got on with it. He used to be a lot better before but it gradually got worse.

Yes I can imagine now me doing all the jobs while on mat leave and it scares me. He is just immature really I think as once we have a chat about something, after initial grumbling etc, he does take into account.

That would really annoy me, start distributing jobs now before baby comes.

Agree with PP re their list tending to be the occasional jobs and with OP that it's the sighing/moaning or the "I'll do it to help you out" rather than just seeing it needs doing. DH does do the washing up (only the bits that don't go in the dishwasher) almost every day, but everything else on his list is a less than once a week job (and tends to be the things he thinks are important, like washing the car and chasing the best savings accounts, which I don't think need doing as often as he does).

I've worked PT since having DC so I took on the shopping, cooking and washing as my jobs when they were at home with me, whilst rest of jobs were shared (and not really done often enough by either of us!) until they went to school, since when I've happily picked up the majority of the housework. The rule in theory though is that in the school holidays he has to do more but doesn't happen much in practice, so I've still not really got is sussed! DH takes great delight though in telling me that I'm really lucky as he does much more than most men - to which my answer is that they wouldn't get away with it if married to me.

He needs to be more considerate of your medical needs as well. My husband knows I wouldn't ask him to do something just because I was too lazy - either I don't feel up to it (I'm 30 weeks pregnant myself) or I've run out of time. He respects me enough to know I wouldn't just sit on my arse and make him to it just for the lols. We're a partnership, so we pick up each other's slack when one of us needs it - if it needs doing, it needs doing.