To be fed up with DD1 in our bed?

[Cinderella2019]

I have a four year old and an 18 month old.

The four year old is lovely. She’s so well behaved. Gives us no bother at all. She’s quiet and kind and sensitive. However she is also quite a timid wee thing. Quite clingy at times. Likes to be close to us.

For the last few months she has been waking up, usually between 12am and 2am, and coming into our bed. I don’t think this would bother me so much if she was just coming in and going back to sleep, but she can be awake for ages. Tossing and turning and fidgeting and chatting away.

We havent really done much because you know what it’s like - at 2am we just want to go back to sleep as quickly as possible. The past couple of nights we have tried to return her to her own bed but she has gone bananas. Crying and waking up the toddler.

We have also tried reasoning with her. “Big girls going to school need to stay in their own beds” etc and she is on board during the day but not at night.

Last night, she came through at 11pm. My husband hadn’t even come to bed yet and tbh we haven’t spent any time alone together in weeks and I was looking forward to last night clearly that didn’t happen.

I feel bad saying this because she’s such a good wee soul. But when I have the two of them all day and it’s so full on, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to have one of them in my bed every night.

Any suggestions??

You have to bite the bullet and immediately bring her back to bed. Every single time. She'll adjust soon enough.

I slept on the floor in my kids room for 5 nights after getting up and putting them back to bed. Was hard for 5 nights but has totally been worth it-just struggle for a week and it will stop.

I have seen a floor bed in parents room suggested? So she can be close to you but not in your bed. Then gradually move it towards the door & along into her room. May take a little longer but hopefully avoid tear filled evenings.
The poster had recommended getting a large (new obviously) dog bed! The pillow type ones.

I’ll give anything a try but knowing what she’s like, I am not convinced. I think she will then just expect me to sleep on her floor every night and it’ll be swapping one habit with another.

Don't mean to be harsh but @superram has a solution and you just say 'oh I don't think that will work'
Do you want your bed back or not? I don't think anyone's will say 'oh yeah just give her this magic bean and it will solve the issue no probs mate'

Reward chart for sleeping in her own bed? Worked for a week with my 4 year old although he's back to coming into my bed again now.

Super nanny style, just keep putting them back into their own room. Calmly & without talking to her. Just keep putting her back. It will be tough for a couple of nights but after that it’s freedom!

My DS went through a phase of this at exactly the same age OP, he went straight back to sleep though and sometimes I didn't even tell him climbing in the bed and only realise he was there when I woke up in the morning. He did it for around a year or so. I didn't think it would ever stop but all of a sudden he did. Just of his own accord. I think maybe he just found it too uncomfortable in besides (he is a big boy). I let him carry on until he decided to stop because I hate doing without sleep.

Of course she will kick off when you first take her back to her own bed. If you give in to her going bananas then she will learn that going bananas is an effective way to get what she wants.
Rewards? A small one each time she stays in her own bed, something bigger imagen she's done it ten times? (not something expensive, more like one on one special time with you)
Then at night, absolute minimal engagement, just put her back to bed. Don't make eye contact, don't say more than a couple of words. She probably will wake the baby a couple of times, better than waking you and dh for the next 3 years.

Just put her back to bed every time. I just say "back to bed love" and walk her in and get her tucked up and go beck to bed. It happens very rarely because dd was always put straight back to bed. Just be consistent.