AIBU to say no to unwanted, second hand tat?

[Difficult2018]

My DM (whom I’ve had some issues with regarding her love of guilt tripping me) rang me this morning, to ask me to drive 20 miles to pick up a large garden toy for our DD. We have not asked for anything, we are landscaping the garden and have previously said we just can’t keep accepting huge items as we have a small house and it’s just too much. The item was on a cheap site, free, as it was disgustingly dirty, broken and faded. When I sent a very polite and kind message saying that we massively appreciate the thought but as we’re landscaping the garden, we were really looking forward to planning and buying our DD her first proper garden toys. (she’s 20m and enjoys just playing with her toys in the garden atm!). My DM then rings me and tells me that she just ‘doesn’t understand’ me and my DH, it’s all well and good but it’ll be too late soon, DD won’t care if things are perfect, she’ll be 11 by the time we have garden toys and then she won’t want them. AIBU to think this is completely ott and unreasonable? We didn’t use the garden for about 6 months (through winter) as it was massively unsafe, but I think she’s hooked on that, implying we don’t do the best for her, or give her the experiences she deserves. It’s really hard as I know she only wants to give her what she couldn’t give me, but still, I don’t think the reaction is fair- it was free because it was broken and awful- why would we want it?! 🙄 just don’t know anymore!

Yanbu. It’s your garden, of course you don’t have to put something old and rubbish in it. It sounds like she was well meaning but should have just accepted it when you said no in the first place, not tried to persuade you into taking it!

Wow her response sounds pretty over the top. I have a lot of experience of guilt tripping and emotional blackmail from my DM unfortunately and this sounds like a classic example. It was probably about wanting you to go and visit her? Perhaps she feels like she hasn’t had enough attention from you lately and this was a way of trying to get you to go there. Not that it excuses her complete over reaction.

I find that I have to keep tabs on how much attention my mum has had from me and if it isn’t enough I now know to anticipate a strop over something apparently utterly random. I definitely wouldn’t have driven over there on a weekend to bring home something I didn’t want either but would maybe consider doing something to appease her just to make your life easier. Up to you but am happy to say YaNBU, some mums are just difficult. I have one too!

Just have a chat with your mum and say clearly you appreciate the thought but you can't take anything for the garden.

DD play a with indoor toys outside at the momemt and that is enough for now.

I totally get you. My DP's are always bringing over toys from charity shops for my DS. It's lovely they do, but often they aren't in great condition or are unsuitable, like stuffed animals with plastic eyes, or just plain wrong like a second hand Sophie the giraffe teething toy, dirty with chew marks!

DS isn't even 6 months old yet but already has loads of these toys he can't play with for ages yet. I do buy stuff from charity shops for him, so it's not that things need to be brand new, but I'm fed up with all the tat being deposited in our house!