My partner and I have different approaches to setting boundaries and managing behaviour ( 4 children, 16, 11, 10 and 8).
I feel driven to desperation and over time I have become quickly bad tempered and shouty because I am a one man band when it comes to discipline. Not only that, I feel openly undermined and unsupported.
For example ..... We were both coming home last week in the car - pulling up outsde we could see the 16 year old skateboarding in the living room and jumping up and down as he was trying to do tricks - flipping the skateboard. I said - here's a chance for you to tell him off rather than me having to do it. The reponse was "is he doing any harm - does it matter if he skateboards in the living room?" TBH how can you repond to something like that ... umm making carpets dirty, smashing TV, smashing aquarium, damaging furniture - but TBH why would this need explaining? Does anyone anywhere on planet Earth think it's ok for a 16 year old to skateboard in their normal sized living room?
I insisted that I not be the one to deal with it and it be addressed by my partner. The actuality?
"Stop skateboarding in the living room and go and do it in the kitchen".
Is it me? is it really me? How is it OK to skateboard in the kitchen? Surely the response is something along the lines of - stop that, it's unacceptable - never skateboard in the house again or I will confiscate your skateboard for a week.... or something along those lines.
Half term, I'm in a meeting at work (we both work but my partner does not work school holidays) - my partner calls me several times so I answer - partner says: I think 11 year old son has broken 8 year old son's nose - I was upstairs heard shouting and came down and blood was pumping everywhere. 8 year old sobbing desperately in background and wants to talk with me. After talking with 8 year old (bearing in mind I am in a meeting) I say ban 11 year old from the computer. I arrive home - 11 year old is on the computer with a friend who came round. I ask why he is on the computer ...... because he was banned for an hour already. Usually I would come in and say - right, off the computer now - what do you think you were doing hurting your brother like that etc? But I am feeling beaten - 16 years of things like this and I am exhausted by being the baddie / parent all the time. Use your knife and fork properly, cut that up, sit up, stop using your phone at the table, make your bed, pick your clothes up off the floor. Aaaarrrggggggghhh.
I have literally had just had to stop typing and get up because the 11 year old and 8 year old were yelling at eachother - I was 2 room's away.
I have lost track of the number of times children and partner are in the same room and their behaviour is escalating but even though I may be upstairs and they are downstairs my partner appears oblivious. Children jumping up and down on the sofa, partner sittng next to them on Ipad oblivious. etc etc
Anyway just wanted to vent not sure what I expect.
Thanks for listening :-)