To think that TV chefs don't get the point of takeaways?

[AnguasDogCollar]

Every celebrity chef, cookbook author and blogger seems to do it at some point. The compulsory "make your own takeaway!" episode/chapter/blog. Recipes for curry, sweet and sour chicken, your own hand battered fish and chips. The reasons vary "So much CHEAPER" "So much HEALTHIER" "So much TASTIER" "So much QUICKER".

This shouldn't irritate me so much but it does. I know how to make a bloody curry. But if I don't have any food in then no, it's not quicker to go to the shop, buy all the ingredients, make it from scratch, and wash everything up afterwards.

Sometimes, people just don't feel like cooking. They're ill. They just spent ages cleaning their kitchen and can't face messing it up again. They had a rough day and are knackered. So cooking the same thing isn't going to serve the same purpose of NOT COOKING! Why do none of them seem to grasp this?!

(The exception to this is Nigella, who once did an episode where she got chips from the chippie. And put them in a wrap with hummous, but still...)

Know what you mean - we use takeaways because we couldn't be bothered to shop or the food I bought was way too healthy/complicated/needs slow cooking. I can cook better curry than the takeaway but I still order out! And even the dog get excited at the dominos man turning up (no it's not wood fired authentic Italian style, it's greasy comfort food!!!)

I love cooking and making my own 'fake away' Chinese and Indian food, and my love them.

But we all love a good takeaway, right down to only ordering it from certain takeaways as they are the one's we like.

Ordering an occasional take away has nothing to do with being able to cook or not and more to do with fact no one wants cook for whatever reason that day.

Some people want takeaways because they like them and/or don't want to cook, but some people genuinely want to cook something themselves that is cheaper and/or healthier than a takeaway but similar in style and that's who the fakeaway recipes are aimed at.

No-one's pretending that making your own pizza or curry when you don't want to cook is a viable alternative to a takeaway.

@justmyview if you have a bread machine you can get it to mix, knead & prove the dough for you. My Mum used to make dough in her food processor with a dough hook & it always worked well

On Granada news they have a spot where a chef cooks something which is supposed to replace a takeaway. The chef Aiden Byrne cooked a family watercress soup and pan fried fish. It was ridiculous.

Thanks @purpleweasel, not sure our food processor has a dough hook, but we do have a bread machine

watercress soup and pan fried fish Jesus. I mean, apart from the fact that that bears no resemblance to any takeaway I've ever had, how do those two things even go together?

watercress soup and pan fried fish

I presume that’s just the recipe he wanted to cook, shoe horned into the ‘theme’. They’ll do anything to fill airtime these days.

Surely it's not just me that itches to slap smug Nigel Slater?

And I will never make a curry as delicious as a take away. I've tried often enough.

He was asked why he cooked watercress soup and fish and he said it was on the taster menu of his new restaurant. The poor kids of the family were really polite as they ate it and said it was nice.

Here.

www.itv.com/news/granada/2019-01-18/the-north-west-chefs-helping-families-eat-healthily/

I always get annoyed when they do this on Eat Well For Less. Like, yeah, you can save money by making it at home, but it completely defeats the point.

@longwayoff, no, you really aren't.

He comes across as a creepy smug git. And in his book, the way he writes about his stepmother makes it clear he was an absolutely detestable little twerp from a young age, so it's clearly not just the wanky soft focus camerawork and his simpering voice for camera that creates the effect of him being in dire need of an attitude adjustment with a frozen, organically farmed, washed by the tears of thousand Mermaids, leg of lamb he just happens to have knocking around in the back of the fridge on a wet Tuesday afternoon in January where mere mortals have the remains of half a cucumber and the drippings from a big pot of yoghurt.

Probably because they want people to cook and buy their books and merchandise? Not exactly rocket science

If you've got a bread machine and want pizza dough,

Chuck in 5ml/a good teaspoon of yeast.

Chuck in 450g/1lb of strong white flour on top of the yeast.

Chuck in 5ml/a teaspoon of salt on top of the flour.

Chuck in 350ml of cold water.

Chuck in a glug of oil.

Switch to 'Dough', hit Start and go and do something more interesting.

When it's ready, put the oven on,
take dough out, separate into bits big enough for pizzas (individual is about a handful) and pull into a rough circle with a slight raised edge on an oiled and floured baking sheet.

Bung on some tomatoes (tinned ones less the juice are fine), some torn up bits of mozzarella and bits of ham/black olives/thinly sliced mushrooms/thinly sliced peppers/whatever. If you can be arsed, blob on some pesto or basil leaves. Don't overload it, you're putting a few bits on, not layering up a giant savoury cake.

Bung in the hot oven.

If you're short of space in there/catering for more than one hungry person, fold the pizza over so it looks like a Cornish pasty and then repeat with one next to it. Bingo - Calzones.

It's really, really easy. And, in my opinion, completely different to a takeaway pizza (which I hate).

Or, do what DP does when he wants a supermarket pizza, knowing I can't stand the things -

Buy a flatbread at the same time as the pizza.

Chuck things onto it.

Put it in the oven.

Love a takeaway occasionally but I’m obsessed with the food hygiene ratings so I do check them first

MitziK. Perfectly put. Glad to find am not alone.

I worked in a pizza takeaway when I was a student. The owner made all the dough from scratch every day, getting up in the night to do whatever it is you do to dough.

The cheese and sauces were all fresh, and all the vegetables from the market.

And all done in a proper pizza oven. I don't think that's unhealthy.

And we have (shock horror!) a take away once a week - on Sunday nights a) because Sundays we go mountain biking and are usually out dawn til dusk and b) stupid Sunday supermarket rules mean we can't buy any food from the shops as they're shut.

I don't mind cooking, but I've decided pizza is something that's not worth the time and effort, even though I use a breadmaker.

It seems to take hours and I just hate hate hate dealing with the dough, which always goes all sticky and I just can't get thin enough.

We have some great wood fired pizza takeaways and pubs in our city so that's where I go if I want pizza. Or I get a frozen one, because I like some of them.

And if I can't be arsed doing either of those, I'll have an omelette or egg on toast or a baked potato, something that takes zero time or effort (I have perfected the optimum microwave/oven combo for the potatoes).

But I'd never get it from Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's etc, because they're stupidly expensive and horrible.

@MitziK saying 'chuck in' and 'bung it in the oven' doesn't negate from the fact you have listed a long and boring process that is 10 times harder than clicking a couple of buttons and getting up to answer the door.

I dunno, where I live the takeaways are all pretty shit and none of them deliver so it probably is quicker to make it myself!! So I'm sure its useful for some people!

On the days I don’t feel like cooking, I just make... a simple fish dish I actually snorted a little at that one.