To think the LEA should pay our bloody salary then....

[springintoaction]

Well, not really. But we're so frustrated and upset at our current situation I don't know what to do.

To cut a very long story short, ds8 has had a fairly recent diagnosis of autism and is also gifted. He is behind in social and emotional development mainly and has severe anxiety that makes him explosive in the wrong environment. He's had a really difficult time at school for 18 months and hasn't been full time for a year and now hasn't gone for nearly 4 months as they kept excluding him and his mental health was worsening. He now has an EHCP and needs a new setting.

Small mainstreams all say his autistic needs are too much. Autism school says he's too bright. Provision is poor here. Independent schools are very intolerant and independent specialist schools are all focused on forest school/EBD type provisions which doesn't work for him (we've tried as intervention support). He needs the structure and learning of 'school' but in a quieter, more nurturing environment. The nearest place is over 2 hrs away. He couldn't travel 4hrs a day nor could he board - it would break him and us to rip the family apart - we're what keeps him safe and secure.

LEA have said there don't think there is a school for him. Very sorry.....you'll have to keep him at home and we'll send a tutor in a few hours a week for the rest of his education.....

Apart from everything else (ds wants to go to school, he has no friends at home, we don't want to be responsible for his whole education for the next 10 years and all his therapy requirements - it's terrifying and he's hard work) we need to work ourselves. I've taken a 6 month career break as things were so bad for him thinking we'd get him in to a school by then but I had no idea there wouldn't be one for him. I need to go back to work. We've spent every penny of our savings and we are getting in debt with this 6 month break. Our mortgage is fairly big. We can't afford to move house now and actually, why should we have to? Children without disabilities get to own homes and go to work. I love my career. I can't stay at home for 10 years dealing with everything. I'm absolutely terrified and trapped in an impossible situation and have no idea what to do.

Small mainstreams all say his autistic needs are too much. Autism school says he's too bright.

Nothing useful to add. Just wanted to say you are not alone, I’ve seen this so many times!

Stinkycandle - They are also responsible for providing a hell of a lot more that is listed in his EHCP - too much to list here but huge therapy requirements, bespoke curriculum, equipment, even helping peer relationships....few hours of tutoring.....if you think you'd be happy with that you are having a laugh.

Under the section 7 of the education act all children are legally entitled to a full time education. That is not a few hours of tutoring. Peoples apathy is what perpetuates this nonsense and discriminates people with SEN even further. Well done for playing your part in that.

There's a new school opening in Newton Abbot but not until 2020. Have you looked into that? I know it doesn't solve your immediate problem.

We were in a similar position to you with our DD who was permanently excluded in year 5. DD is quite bright, certainly above average but not a genius. Very able with reading, comprehension and SPAG. She is now in a special school. We are also in Devon. Just been for a walk on the moors. It's a fantastic place to live for kids (and adults) that need the freedom of the outdoors.

stinky, that’s true, but it doesn’t mean OP has no right to feel frustrated about it.

I'm sorry you're in such a fix. If the 4 hours-travel-daily school is a good match, I think I'd do it, at least for a term to see how it went. I know it's far from ideal but it might be the best option you have.

I’m sorry to say that you’re not in a unique position

Do you have a local support group for families with SEN children? There’s going to be others who have experienced this in your area and may be willing to share solutions.

Good luck. Sadly, I know what it’s like

springintoaction
I had to relocate my family and we had to make huge changes in our jobs for our kids. It's not discrimination, and sometimes it doesn't matter if it's the right thing or not in theory, it's your kids life that matters.

I am frustrated too that we had to spend a fortune, move away from family and make big changes, but it was easier to move forward than being bitter about it.

In an ideal world, all the schools would be of equal level with the appropriate facilities. No one disagrees, but we don't live in an ideal world. Schools have started to close half a day a week because of budget cuts, and things will only get worst. You just do what is best for your own family in this mess.

Hi spring I’ve tried to pm you and not sure if it worked, but I’m a local teacher with and SEMH & SEND background and wondered if you would mind PM’ing me a bit about your location and DS’s needs and age/key stage I think I might know of some places that could work for you :) xx

It won’t help with the education side of things but you are entitled to support as a carer to remain in employment. I would argue that route with your LA as well.

Stinkycandle - have your children got SEN and you had to move to be near the only school that would admit them? If so, that's discrimination. Every other child without SEN will be given a place at a local school whether it's the one of your choosing or not, there will be one available. For SEN and with an EHCP you don't have that luxury. Everywhere can say no on the basis of your SEN and you are left with nothing. That is disability discrimination.

I have taught lots of pupils with ASD in a mainstream setting. It is absolute bollocks that it can't be done. Your childs ECHP should ensure 1:1 LSA support and the LSA should be able to work with your child in a quiet space when things become too much. I taught a boy with ASD, who was also electively mute, GCSE Drama and he got a passing grade. He never really spoke a word, but his written work was beautiful. We made it work. Your LEA are not doing enough. I once heard an autistic lady speak at a conference about what she wanted from education. She said 'dont teach me to be sociable, teach me to be socially acceptable'. It always stuck with me. Your ds needs to be taught to get along in the world, not excluded from it.

I do also have details of the sendiass and support groups locally but I’m on leave next week so won’t be able to get them to you until the W/B 04.03.19 but am definitely happy to send them

If you want a school they have to find one and the school can’t turn down an EHCP - it’s the LAs decision and once they have named the school the school must admit. Do speak to IPSEA and in the meantime think about which school is the least bad option. The LA don’t get shrug this off.

Have you tried writing to DfE? A friend of mine did add the letter back, although they didn’t tell the LA what to do, meant she could go to the LA and say ‘Dfe says you have to find a school’ and it helped a bit.

OP I am sorry you find yourself in this situation, it is all too common sadly.

Hopefully a few of the posters have given you some good leads but I am also saddened at the blasé attitude of some. When you have a child requiring services it is not as simple as packing up and moving, then suggestions of home school all day then go and do an evening/weekend job.

And I don't particularly care if X poster did this, that and the other, so she should too the OP is her own situation with her child with his unique and specific needs.

for OP and others. I have no advice but lots of sympathy. I have a child with dyslexia and there were times I felt I was being bullied by teachers who didn't want her in their class as it took up their time and patience so I can't even imagine the stress of what you are going though. I hope you find a satisfactory solution.

OP that sounds so difficult and I see why you’re so frustrated. I also understand why you don’t want to move.

But it sounds like you can’t get the education for your DS where you are. That it isn’t just about the LEA “paying your salary”, it’s that the type of educational environment your son needs just doesn’t exist where you are. So the moving thing may be the only way to get your son what he needs. I agree that you shouldn’t have to, but from what you’ve posted, what should happen just isn’t going to.

There are lots of posters on MN who have lots of experience trying to find good environments for their DCs with additional needs, they can be quite a resource. For your son’s sake you are probably best off trying to identify where could fulfil his needs and then focusing on changing your lives (location, jobs, etc.) to make that possible. But talk to some of those other parents first.

More immediately you have financial issues to resolve. It sounds like you can’t sustain your current living arrangement with your current income. Do you have the potential to earn more than your DH if you were working full time? Could you take on weekend or evening work that would be sufficient? Or work from home with DS there? Can you downsize or take in a lodger (appreciate lodger might not be good for DS)? Now that you know you won’t be returning to your job as you had planned this all becomes a bit of a priority in order to give you more options down the road.

It’s awful that we provide so little support in these situations OP. I do hope you can engineer something to work out for you all.

@blue25, yes that is exactly what I expect to happen. Because my dd has as much of a right to full time education as any other child. And like any other child it should be available locally to us. Anything else is discrimination.

@StinkyCandle were your children able to access the education at the local school? Did you move because the school wasn't as good as you'd like?

We can't afford to move either, we can't afford to give up work. It is not acceptable to tell the parent of a disabled child that have to home educate.

Is Shebbear College reachable? That is a v supportive environment.

YANBU

The Education Act states that you have the right to a mainstream education. There are only a small number of reasons that schools can refuse to admit him, what are they saying?

Moving because you dont like the perfectly accessable mainstream school on offer (normally because its a bit rough) is incomparable to a LA saying we dont have a school at all. There are thousands of children being told there is no school at all. Its a national disgrace.
I really feel for you.

Similar situation here, so just following to hear others advice.

Although this is of no help in the here and now, there is a new autism specialist school opening in Newton Abbot in September 2020

www.glendinninghouseacademy.co.uk/

Are none of the Devon bases appropriate?

@StinkyCandle I can't believe that you are trying to compare finding "the right" school for an NT child to finding any school at all for a child with complex needs. OP's ds is not the only bright child with ASD unable to attend school because the provision isn't in place and it's scandalous that so many children with so much potential are being sidelined.

No NT child with no additional needs would be turned down by every school in their LA.

Do try IPSEA or SOS!SEN.

If the LA is proposing EOTAS, are there other therapies/services you could ask for to help him be able to return to education? Occupational Therapy/mental health support/Ed Psych visits etc. I think it is possible to negotiate a package and may keep the LA focused on getting him back into a formal setting.