Am I disproportionately cross about this?

[Furble]

My DH invited his cousin over to stay last night on the spur of the moment. I was informed rather than consulted on this. Fine, he doesn’t see him often and I had been out for the day with friends.

DH and his cousin proceed to spend the whole night up drinking, smoking in the house (DH doesn’t normally smoke) and talking loudly, we live in a small flat with thin walls. I am 7 months pregnant and work full time. I first asked at 1am if they could call it a night soon. There was finally peace at 5am when they came to bed and I fell asleep at 5.45 until our DS woke at 6.30.

DH was too drunk to be of any help so spent the morning sleeping it off. My DSS11 who is with us every other weekend was clearly upset his Dad didn’t seem bothered to spend time with him today, which I’ve found heartbreaking.

I’m absolutely shattered and let both DH and his cousin know that I thought their behaviour was hugely inconsiderate and selfish. My husband has said he’s sorry and thinks that means I should put up and shut up and let that be the end of it.

I’m aware that I’m pregnant and possibly hormonal but I’m still livid that he didn’t advocate for me when I said I needed rest and instead chose to act the big man ignoring his wife in front of his cousin. On the other hand I’m aware that generally he doesn’t socialise often and wanted to let his hair down a bit.

Am I being disproportionately cross? Should I just calm down and get over it?

What did they say when you asked them to call ot a night at 1am?
Did you ask them again before 5am?
I wouldn't have let them keep going so late. I would've gone in and told them its late and time to go to bed, DS will be awake at 6.30.
Also I would've woken him up at 6.30 too even if you had to wake up to look after DS.
He sounds really selfish.

I’m aware that I’m pregnant and possibly hormonal

Don't dismiss your own perfectly valid response to this. If your DH wanted to 'let his hair down' and socialise with his cousin, there are these places called pubs where I believe you can drink and talk loudly for hours at a time, without smoking out a thin-walled flat and disturbing someone heavily pregnant who then apparently has to get up to look after both her child and her stepchild because her partner is drunk and incapable.

I don't think your response is at all disproportionate.

I asked every hour between 1 and 5. He said that he was having fun and he saw his friends rarely so I should stop spoiling his fun.
I did ask DH to help with DS this morning but I quickly realised it wasn’t going to work because he was drunk so I said just go to bed.

Smoking in a house with kids and a pregnant woman makes them a pair of selfish pricks. This, and keeping you up all night says he has no respect for you. Saying sorry this morning isn't enough, and your reaction isn't OTT.

That's pretty disgusting. He should be apologising to his son too.

I would be raging. Make lots of noise today, preferably in the bedroom. Then when he's recovered, sit him down and explain to him what a selfish sod he is.

They should both be ashamed - I would have grabbed the toddler and gone to stay in a hotel!

So to recap:
Smoking in the house with 2 kids and pregnant woman.
Keeping his wife awake all night.
Too drunk to parent his children the next day, leaving his son who only sees him every other weekend especially upset.
Telling his wife that she was spoiling his fun because she objected to the above.

What a selfish prick, if anything you’re under-reacting.

Disgusting behaviour - what a stupid prick. You’re not over reacting. Stinking the house up with smoke for hours when you’re PG and have a DC? Disturbing everyone’s sleep and then expecting full support in sleeping it off, as if he was a fucking baby?

Puzzlingpuzzle summed it up perfectly.

Yeah, you're not over-reacting here

He’s a selfish prick and I hope you’ve handed his arse to him today.

I’m glad to hear IANBU, thank you. I’ve been made to feel quite the moaner today; the cousin made it clear he thought I was being inhospitable for being open about being cross.

Honestly as a previous poster mentioned I was most upset for my DSS missing out on time with his Dad (and also mildly reeling from tiredness).

Why did you look after DSS this morning?! You should have gone to sleep in DSS’s room and sent him to wake up his father.

Show him this thread. Make him steam clean your flat or it will smell vile forever. That is so, so shitty.

" the cousin made it clear he thought I was being inhospitable for being open about being cross."

With any luck he won't want to visit again then.

What selfish twats they both sound.

My oh (usually v moderate drinker) had a friend who used to visit a few times a year and this sort of thing happened. I suggested he visit friend, but no, so now I go away if it suits me, if not the friend can't come.