To discuss shaving/plucking with DD?

[springwashing]

DD is 13. She has really obviously hairy legs and quite thick eyebrows. She's very pretty but more of a tomboy, wearing jeans and hoodies and doing lots of sports.

All her mates seem to have reached the stage where they are shaving/plucking/HD brows etc. It's not the eyebrows so much, I quite like that she isn't into make up. But isn't it more of a socially acceptable thing to shave your legs?

Now I'm certainly not one to suggest that she followed the crowd and gives in to peer pressure etc. But it's like she doesn't even notice, and I'm worried if this would lead to bullying or anything. Not that I would want her to follow just to be liked, so I'm probably answering my own question really.

I don't know, should I just wait until she wants to do such things and let her enjoy herself how she is? Or should I be dropping the odd hint, or maybe buying her a ladyshave or something?

This has probably come out all wrong, I think maybe I'm just worried I'm not doing this "parenting of a teen" thing very well!

Mum took me to a salon who taught me how to get a good eyebrow shape. Agony the first time!

I had very hairy legs and didn't care until some stupid cow made a comment about it being time I shaved. Really upset me and has stayed with me - and I'm not a precious person who cares what others think. After years of shaving, waxing, etc I had light laser hair removal treatment. Mediocre results and now I don't shave my legs and very rarely my underarms. I am in my late 30s and finally have got back to not caring what others think about my body hair. For the record, I love clothes and am obsessively into the type of clothing I wear which is actually quite feminine. I also get my eyebrows done regularly and my nails done and get my hair cut often. I just don't care about my body hair.

Please leave her be and don't mention it. Be pleased you have a confident daughter who isn't bothered with conforming to stereotypes of femininity.

My DD is 9 and has had hairs under her armpits for almost a year. They’re getting quite long now, but she’s immensely proud of them! I haven’t said anything about removing them, but she knows some women do (my own are pretty hairy as I’m lazy!) and I think she’d ask if she wanted to get rid.

I wouldn’t mention it, as it sounds like she’s fine with it, but make sure razors, shaving gel etc are easily accessible in case she wants to have a go. I wouldn’t let my 9 year old do it unsupervised, but a sensible 13 year old should be ok.

Make it her choice. Make it a neutral one.

"Some women like to shave their legs/underarms. If you make that decision, give me a shout and we'll nip to the shop together".

Find a way to bring it up naturally.

Try to avoid any inference that she SHOULD be shaving her legs, because whilst it's is a strong social thing right now, it really shouldn't be and it's entirely subjective.

If you think there's a chance that she wants to remove her leg hair/pluck eyebrows then maybe just do this in front of her and she'll likely ask if she wants to. Just leave the bathroom door open or something when you are shaving or plucking. If she doesn't ask then she's probably not bothered which is fine. As long as she knows she can talk to you if and when she ever wants any help or advice, then you will both be fine.

I wish my mum brought it up with me, I was so embarrassed of my hair, all the girls in school were shaving but I was too scared to ask. I ended up pinching my mums razor for ages until she finally said something.

As soon as I notice hairs on my daughters I'll have things in the house for them and say they can use them if they want to

My daughter had been self-conscious about her hairy legs since the age of 6 or so, and started shaving her own legs at 9 - initially I did it for her, but then she wanted to do it herself. We had all the body positivity chats you can think of but ultimately they made no difference to the way she felt. Anyway, my main point is: she came to me, it was obviously an issue for her. If your daughter hasn't mentioned it at 13, then she obviously isn't bothered and tbh I think that's great! It won't be like she hasn't noticed. Does she talk to you about other personal stuff?

Dd 11 started getting very embarrassed lifting up her arms at one point so I just said if you want to shave them just let me know and I'll run you through it. She was chuffed that I'd said that and wanted to so I showed her how I did mine, then she did hers with a bit of help and all was good.

I have a 13 yo dd who is exactly like this. Pale skin, very visible dark underarm hair and leg hair. Wears hoodies etc. She is confident and not one to follow the crowd, which I am delighted about.

Why on earth would you mention it to your dd? She knows her hair is visible. She knows that some of her peers shave. If she wanted to do something abput it, she would. I think it's great that (some) young women are beginning to resist this sort of expectation.

At 13 I would be absolutely amazed if she isn't already well aware that some women shave. I think by that age if she wanted to do it she would.

Good for her if she is confident enough in herself to not feel she has to shave and shape all her body hair just because other people do. Sounds like you've done a great job bringing her up to me.

I would just ensure that your shaving supplies and tweezers are knocking around in the bathroom and leave her be.

I guess it's different if you can see your dd is bothered about the hair. Mine sits there in a t-shirt with her arms behind her head, armpits on full view, so she definitely doesn't give a monkey's!