Aibu to not want to draw attention to myself by seeing my gp

[6timesthemess]

I have always struggled with anxiety - since I was a teenager . This was random panic attacks and would come on at times where I wasn’t even feeling anxious about anything.

My gp put me on fluoxitene about 3 years ago and although it hasn’t stopped it it has lessened it.

The last year we have had just problem after problem - my dd has been diagnosed with autism, my older son is currently being assessed for adhd.

And then this week my husband was diagnosed with a life long condition - that although its treatable will affect his quality of life . My dh works full time, I look after the children - I worked until 2 years ago when our dd started to struggle so much we both decided that I needed to be here with her.

Our children are homeschooled as they have special needs which were not being met in school. The children are thriving in home education the eldest is sitting exams , everyone is happy.

Dh seems happy to have answers to why he feels so bad and a treatment plan. Everyone is doing great. But I feel nothing at all at any time about anything.

I don’t enjoy anything, I don’t particularly hate things I just do things - anything from housework , to playing with the kids to having sex with dh it’s just all feels the same. I do realise this is perhaps not ok.
I don’t know if this is a new thing just for the last year from stress or if it’s the anxiety or even if it’s side effects from the medication I am already on.

BUT I am terrified of drawing too much attention to myself by going to my gp. It’s a new go since we moved house last year and I have avoided going at all since then as I just can’t face it.

I know that the first thing they will say is that the children need to go to school, and I need to find hobbies or if I even get in to the full extent of things they will start to wonder about the care I can give the children (this is not an issue but I can see that people might think this).

So realistically if I go to the gp I am terrified that by saying I am struggling I will be forced to give up homeschooling which would mean that everyone else’s happiness suffers.
AIBU?

I think you are you are making going to the dr into this big horrible thing which will set off a chain of negative events. It’s wont and this negative thinking is just part of your illness.

The GP will probably suggest that you have some time to yourself - is that such a bad thing?

Your GP can’t and won’t make you give up home schooling. They may ask you if you want to continue but that is a reasonable question to ask you.

To be honest OP I think you’re massively over thinking what the GP would say or think. They are far more likely to talk to you about your medications and look at whether it’s still right for you and options for referal if you meet the thresholds. In some practices they can offer something called social prescribing so may offer to direct you to support services or activities that could help - like exercise groups. But thats probably about it unless there is a lot more to it than you’ve said here?

I don't think you can say what will happen until you actually go to the GP. If you already have a list of reasonable reasons why it's better for your children to be homeschooled then they can't really say otherwise. It might be that you just need a change in medication, or some counselling, or something. No one should have to experience life in a numbed state like you describe. Please go to your GP. Or seek private counselling. If you don't do anything things won't change. No one can force you to do anything. Have you spoken to your husband?

Why would it draw attention to you? Honestly GPs see so many patients each day that I doubt they would have time to meddle in whether you home school.
It’s worth thinking if you do need some time to yourself. Just as it’s worth thinking about CBT or a change of meds. They are there to help. Not to judge but to support.

You are right I am massively overthinking 😄. I always do.

Why do you even have to tell them you're homeschooling? Just leave that out and tell them your anxiety is ramping up due to their SNs and the fluoxetine isn't working as well at that dosage.

Personally I always chuckle when they suggest 'time to yourself' or 'get hobbies' to people who are carers for children with SN. There's NO respite available for many of us and we cannot afford to pay for it privately. But no one ever offers any practical help. There was a good thread about here a while back.

OP, you do seem to be overthinking things and being massively judgemental about a GP that you haven't even seen yet, and I think this is probably part of your anxiety.

You need to see your GP with an open mind. Are you still on the meds ATM?

I don't think they'll be interested in the homeschooling unless it's a cause of stress and anxiety.

It does sound as if you need a bit of time for yourself.

I have some similar stuff going and it's easy to feel overwhelmed. I try to see friends / read / arrange tests for myself.

The flat feelings you're experiencing: no enjoyment, no interest in anything, is something I've heard a lot of people who take anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication describe. I think it's a side effect. I also think it's something you need to chat to your GP about. It could just be you need a change in dose, or a new medication, to help you feel brighter about things.

Can I first say that you are doing a wonderful job. It can't be easy to home school and look after the DC in the evenings and weekends too. You can't get much time to yourself, or freedom to do hobbies and socialise. It sounds as if you are everybody's rock.
I too think that if you visit your GP, he/she is more likely to be interested in your medication.
Might seem strange to ask, but do you think you have anxiety that might place you on the spectrum if you had been evaluated when young? It came up on another post this eve. Only mentioning in case there is a better treatment plan if your anxiety is reassessed.

I am a gp.. Its would not be my role to tell you how to educate your children.
I'd certainly be asking all about it, cus frankly I am super nosey about stuff and it helps to get a feel for my patient life, context of the problem etc.
I'd be asking about your dose of fluoxetine and have you tried to come off it. Have you had talking therapy etc and then discussing a plan for going forward... This would so not be about telling you how to run your family etc.
You might be better on a different anti depresdent... Citalopram is excellent for anxiety.

Another GP. Absolutely wouldnt tell you to stop home edding. I have huge admiration for you meeting your children's needs as you are and would support you in helping you address your anxiety and own health needs.

Fuerza- yes my old gp once asked me if I liked to go to the opera .he meant well but I don’t think he really understood the reality.

Diana - I don’t know about being on the spectrum my younger daughter is and I suspect my teenage daughter is. I have always struggled with being anxious but just always muddled through .

Thered - I did try coming off my medication about a year and a half ago but after a few months I just totally stopped being able to even get up and my old gp put me back on them. Since then is when I’ve had the flat feeling. I am on 20mg(?) fluoxitene I don’t know if that’s the average or not!
I also take ivabradine because I kept fainting - the hospital put me on it because me heart was speeding up way too much when I was standing up or moving. I have no idea what that’s about by then I just didn’t care about anything, took the tablets and left.

Pretty certain no doctor would have time or inclination to even think about the home Ed. Every patient will have different lifestyles and stresses and needs. It might not even come up in the short time you have, you can give a vague idea of stress etc but you really don't have to give details.

Your GP will just be concerned about your health and how he or she can treat you from their clinical standpoint. They will help you by looking at your medication or referring you on if you want or need to. Please go because you will be glad you did xx

Why would your GP ever ask about your kids schooling??

Hey 6timesthemess

I feel for you, fellow anxious Annie over here! The way I made myself go to the doctor's was actually booking an appointment for something else. It just so happemed the appointment coincided with a bit of a breakdown! I wouldnt advise doing it that way!

Have a look into time to talk. You can self refer, they call you and chat and see if they can help. I had 3 months of CBT which has helped with strategies and made me realise when the anxiety is at its worst. I have to be very kind to myself now, I used to beat myself up for feeling like it but it's ok to not be ok sometimes.