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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming about perfume?

53 replies

CoolCarrie · 23/02/2019 18:29

“D” h bought me an expensive bottle of perfume for Christmas, very happy with it
I had bought two bottles of dup perfumes, about twenty pounds each which I also use a lot. My mil was here last week, and now the two dup perfumes are gone, I have spent ages hunting for them, but no sign, so clearly mil has taken them. Mentioned this to him, and he says, “ oh I told her she could have them , as you got perfume at Christmas “
I am fuming at him, and at her as neither of them thought to ask me if it was ok.
Am I being mean, taking into account she got perfume for her Christmas as well, although not an expensive one?

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 23/02/2019 20:57

You need to get the perfume back. Tell him either he gets it back or you do. No way should he have given away something that doesn't belong to him. I'm literally spitting feathers for you here OP.

notangelinajolie · 23/02/2019 20:59

Also … replacing perfume would be a cop out for him and a back down from you. Not her fault but MIL should not get to keep it.

MortyVicar · 23/02/2019 21:07

Also … replacing perfume would be a cop out for him and a back down from you.

I don't think so. It gets very awkward when you start thinking about getting it back, especially if he offered without prompting.

(MiL: I love Carrie's perfume, what is it?
'D'H: It's xxx, I got it her for Christmas. She's got a couple of bottles of a cheaper copy you can have)

Nah. 'D'H you owe me £40 should wake him up.

Is he usually this thoughtless?

BartonHollow · 23/02/2019 21:09

I WOULD BE FUCKING FURIOUS

and I know that sounds extreme but I love my perfumes

BartonHollow · 23/02/2019 21:11

And plus if he has the spare cash

I'd expect him to replace the two cheap dupes with the real things for this transgression.

He can't just give his Mum your stuff without asking, fucking hell

Adu1tHumanFemale · 23/02/2019 21:22

Absolutely not being unreasonable. I'd be angry.

Does he think buying you a gift means he gets to choose what happens with your existing things?

I'd be insisting on him messaging his mother and telling her he fucked up and should never have given away something that wasn't his to give without having the basic respect to check with the person who owns it.

I couldn't take anything if the owner wasn't there it had told me directly I could have it. A friends dh recently said I'd be able to have her old phone because it's just sat in a drawer. Wasn't his to give me so I didn't take it.

Drogosnextwife · 23/02/2019 21:25

Yeah I No it a new jacket the year before last in winter (£120). DPs mum expressed a liking for it while I was wearing it, about 4 months later, jackets has gone, do gave it to her apparently he would buy me a new one so that makes it ok!

Amanduh · 23/02/2019 21:25

I don’t know why you’re fuming at her, unless she demanded them.
He is a different matter

BartonHollow · 23/02/2019 21:26

Sorry this my third post but I can't get over it this would be Dinners in the dog and I'm going to a hotel tonight territory for me BlushBlush

But how did his DM KNOW about your dupes I keep my perfumes in the bedroom

Why was she in your bedroom looking at your stuff?!

VictoriaBun · 23/02/2019 21:30

He is in the wrong. I would have no qualms in contacting her and saying you would like the bottles back and to take it up with her son as not his to give away.

Original poster
CoolCarrie · 23/02/2019 22:58

Mil has a brass neck a mile wide, and no boundaries at all! This is the woman who got her niece to ask my parents how much they give towards our wedding, at the wedding! And she had every intention of opening our wedding gifts when we were away on honeymoon until my dm put a stop to her.
She is a chancer, and dh is a arse at the moment!
I am plotting what expensive perfume he is going to pay for this week, possibly a large bottle of Juliette Has A Gun Lady Vengance!

OP posts:
Original poster
CoolCarrie · 23/02/2019 23:14

The dup bottles were in the cupboard in our bathroom, so she must have been having a look, and they were good quality copies of Narciso Rodriguez Fleur and Twilly by Hermes. Glad I am not being unreasonable about it, it’s just another show of her brass neck and his stupidity

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 23/02/2019 23:25

Oh if he so annoyed

What did he say when you objected to his generousity?

justilou1 · 23/02/2019 23:30

Oh my god, he’d be out buying me the real thing before the day was done and putting locks on the doors ASAP!

TheSerenDipitY · 24/02/2019 00:31

hide half of his tools and when he asks where his hammer, screwdriver set or drill etc are, you can say oh Betty at daycare said she liked them so i said she could have them
bet hes not quite so understanding then is he

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 24/02/2019 02:34

What a twat nugget he is. Just because hes bought you the real thing doesnt mean he can give away your stuff. Which you paid for. Which essentially equates to you having paid for the present too. Fucking joke.

Squigglesworth · 24/02/2019 03:39

What an idiot! Honestly, is he really that stupid that he thinks someone wouldn't possibly use more than one scent, or did he do this to be intentionally unkind to you?

He either buys replacements or gets them back from your MIL. And I'd plan some sort of revenge (or at least an object lesson to get it through his thick skull), on top of that...

WarpedGalaxy · 24/02/2019 04:11

It’s bad enough him giving her the perfume but wtf was she thinking taking it without checking with you first it was ok? Of course she knew it wasn’t his to give. He definitely needs to replace it (with something different because who wants to wear the same scent as their MIL?) and she needs a good talking to about boundaries.

YoThePussy · 24/02/2019 04:37

No way do you want the old ones back, replaced with something comparable or more expensive. I would somehow swap the ones your MIL has with identical bottles of cat’s piss so she gets a nice surprise when they are next used.

OP, amazed no one has said YABU for daring to wear perfume as it makes them come over all awful.

SubparOwl · 24/02/2019 09:53

I'd be furious, more with him than her (though I'd be furious with her too).

Surfingtheweb · 24/02/2019 10:08

Hmmm if you ask mil for them back it would set the tone to both of them that they are not to take your things. If you ask him to replace them then she doesn't get any message that taking your things is not ok. I would never take someone's stuff like that. It's really quite an odd thing to do on her part & odd of him too.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/02/2019 10:12

Given your update I would definitely ask for them back, to prove a point more than anything.

NWQM · 24/02/2019 10:16

I’d definitely be asking for them back.

RestingBitchFaced · 24/02/2019 10:19

Can you go round to her house and just take them? That's what I would do - cheeky cow!

Original poster
CoolCarrie · 24/02/2019 19:53

Fortunately she lives in a different city, so can’t really get them back.

OP posts: