To be upset and feel left out of family

[cadburymilkchoc]

Went for dinner with my parents Dsis and get fiance. Those two have been together 6 years so he is pretty much a part of the family now. They were speaking about getting a place in the lake district like a cottage to share. Asked me if I could come and I said really not sure if I can afford it. I'm a single mum with a ds3. They said oh no it will work out it's 30 each for the 3 nights and convicted.me to come. I said ok then yea let me know. Nothing was said since. Today i just found out my Dsis fiance has booked a hotel with my parents that's 400 for the 3 nights. However nothing was mentioned to me. Apparently the cottage wasn't available, that's fine but instead of telling me and saying we think we might go here instead they said nothing and booked the hotel. Just feel upset and pushed out. This is not the first time I've felt like this either. AIBU?

With a hotel you don't have to book at the same time so not the same as a cottage, I suspect they didn't think you could afford it

My DM didn't see why I was upset and said well you can't afford it. I said I know but thats not the point. She just passed the blame to my Dsis fiance

If the family are proposing a group holiday then ideally book something everyone can afford, even if it means the ones who can afford a lot more chipping in a bit to make sure everyone is included.

YANBU and I would feel the same way. They obviously don't want to do things cheaply so you can go along too. Is there a YHA nearby so you could go up but pay less?
They might change if they ever have kids as they'll have less cash.

I was thinking of finding somewhere cheap near by but then I thought why? If they wanted me to come they would have at least spoken to me about the chance.
Well my Dsis is pregnant so she will soon find out

YANBU

This happens constantly in my family and not only am I not invited I think inviting me doesn't actually OCCUR to them in the thought process - it is however, a symptom of a wider issue.

I had counselling last year and alot what I talked about was my family and my upbringing. So I think my family has this dynamic. Just don't get why someone couldn't at least tell me the cottage werent available I wouldn't have minded

Thinking about this a bit more, it does sort of depend on who is organising... If it was the fiance who wanted to spend time with his STB-in-laws before the baby comes, then I can see that it might not occur to him to involve other members of the family. Maybe it was the parents who said 'what about Cadbury? and then had to back track. Awkward but not sinister?

But I can understand how you feel and would have been hurt. It was clumsy.

dark it was my sister who said it would be fine and was cheap so I should come along

I'm of the opinion that if the whole family are going, it needs to be affordable for all, or those with more money pay a bit more.

What they should have done is said "Cadbury , that cottage isn't available ... we would love you to come. What could you afford and we will look at options". Then chosen somewhere cheaper / each paid a tiny bit more and you contributed what you could.

Sorry this happened op ... can you have a really nice couple of days out with your dc while they are away ? X

@cadburymilkchoc
I’m sorry but feel your pain as my mum also makes a point of excluding me and my 2 DC’s.
I’m now trying to focus on the relationship’s that they have with my good friends and their DC’s...

I'm not sure who initiated leaving me out it was either my DM, Dsis or stb brother in law. Wouldn't have been my DF.