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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so let down?

20 replies

doordie · 23/02/2019 12:17

I'm 34 and I won't bore you with my life history but the only family I have left is my dad.
My uncles and Aunty don't care to keep in touch.
I have 3 friends.
I have depression and my 3 friends know about this.
I'm going through a tough time at the minute and I feel so alone and I don't think there's a way out of it for me.
I'm having a lot of symptoms brought on by stress too.
I've reached out to my friends this week but they aren't interested.
One friend I haven't seen for 2 months but she rings me a couple of times a week.
She's been off work this week and on Monday I asked can we meet for a hour as I really needed a friend but she made an excuse.
She calls me today and told me all the things she's done this week etc.
She said she was going to stay home cleaning today,I said that's a shame it would of been lovely to see her and have some company.
A hour later she texts saying she's sacked the cleaning off and going to the seaside with her sister ...
This whole week I've tried to push myself and I've got up and got dressed but I've spent it all alone just wandering around just to get outside.
Looking at people with people and I'm sat there alone.
It's never getting better.
Aibu to think my friends couldn't give two shits about me?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 23/02/2019 12:28

Aibu to think my friends couldn't give two shits about me?

That's the depression talking. I'm sorry you are struggling. Have you been to see a doctor?

Bambamber · 23/02/2019 12:29

Have you told your friends how you are feeling?

Original poster
doordie · 23/02/2019 12:29

Yeah,told them I was so lonely and could do with getting out or just a chat really.

OP posts:
Original poster
doordie · 23/02/2019 12:30

I've gave up with the doctor.
She wasn't understanding at all.

OP posts:
thewinkingprawn · 23/02/2019 12:31

It definitely won’t be that they are not interested, they will just be busy. A friend who makes the effort to call you twice a week is definitely a friend!! I too think it’s the depression talking - maybe try and get to the doctor? Hope you feel better soon!!

Redcrayonisthebest · 23/02/2019 12:37

Depression is horrible, I'm battling it myself at the moment so I'm not saying this as a criticism but sometimes when we suffer from depression our needs and feelings overwhelm everything else and we struggle to see that. I wonder if you have inadvertently taken more than you've given to these friendships and the friend who was off this week felt like she desperately needed some fun and light hearted company? (She May be struggling with things herself and not feel able to support you) can you find somebody outside your friendship group to chat to? Counsellor, Samaritans or an online support group perhaps?
Then suggest something lighthearted to do with your friends.
I think that in a perfect world your friends would always be there for you to lean on but just because your friends aren't perfect doesn't mean that they're not your friends or that they don't care.

itshappened · 23/02/2019 12:37

Have you proactively suggested an outing? Shopping, cinema, theatre, manicure, spa treatment etc. As someone else said, a friend who calls twice a week is definitely a friend. I don't speak to my mum that often, let alone friends! But it was her week off and she clearly wanted to enjoy herself. Maybe this is a little thoughtless and selfish of her, but it's not as bad as you are interpreting it to be.

Alexandra2018 · 23/02/2019 12:38

Is there anyway you can make some new friends? I'm saying this with none
myself but it's really the worst thing having no one to talk to? Do you work? That's a good place to start a friendship. The gym maybe? I don't know it's really hard. We're all busy so I understand why people loose touch can't reply etc

Original poster
doordie · 23/02/2019 12:39

I didn't need support I just needed to go out with a friend rather than wandering around on my own.
I said shall we go for lunch or for a cuppa and she said she had to stay home and clean then she texts saying she's going out with her sister instead.

OP posts:
Janedoughnut · 23/02/2019 14:14

I think she's been incredibly insensitive texting you to say that she's going out when she told you that she didn't want to meet up with you.

SilverySurfer · 23/02/2019 14:35

I'm not excusing her but she may think if she meets with you, that the time will be spent with you outpouring your woes onto her and sometimes we can be there for friends to do that but there are other occasions when we feel we can't for various reasons.

grinningcheshirecat · 23/02/2019 14:57

I get that you need someone right now, but maybe for her mental health she needs some relaxing time for herself. Supporting a depressed friend can be quite exhausting. That doesn't mean that she isn't your friend, she just needs to take care of herself too. She can't give you support if she hasn't taken care of her own mental health first.

IvanaPee · 23/02/2019 15:01

She might not just be able to give you what you need right now.

Being honest, would a cuppa or lunch have turned into a bit of a counselling session for you?

There’s nothing wrong with that. But she might not have been in the place to do that for you right now. And that’s ok, too.

If she rings and texts you she’s not someone who doesn’t care!

Original poster
doordie · 23/02/2019 16:23

I wanted to go out to have fun not for a counselling session.
Surely friends support friends?
I've done it for her plenty,it just seems like it's a one way thing.
I'm off out for tea with another friend so hopefully that's just what I need

OP posts:
Original poster
doordie · 23/02/2019 16:23

I don't need anything except a friend

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 23/02/2019 16:29

Has she never been supportive? Not ever?

Enjoy your time with your friend Flowers

Fullofregrets33 · 23/02/2019 18:05

Hunny I feel like this often, I'm similar situation to you, I have a husband and 2 kids but feel alone. I always feel my friends don't care and I get very paranoid, but the truth of it is, is that they just don't think, and they don't do it on purpose. My best mate knows I'm a lonely sahm, it's her birthday next week and she's going to a spa with her sisters. I would have loved to go. I felt so sad about it. But I really think she just didn't think to invite me and if I was brave enough to just ask to go im sure she would say yes

grinningcheshirecat · 23/02/2019 19:16

Surely friends support friends?

But she IS supporting you, you just want more and when you want it. That's not wrong but maybe she already gave you what she could give and she doesn't have more left to give today. That's perfectly understandable too.

Original poster
doordie · 23/02/2019 20:17

I haven't seen her for months.
All I wanted was to meet up with a friend for a chat and a coffee
I think that's a normal thing surely

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 23/02/2019 22:21

Not if you were saying that you wanted to meet because you’re down or feeling miserable etc.

There’s NOTHING wrong with that but sometimes it’s too much for someone.

Hope you enjoyed your afternoon with your other friend.

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