AIBU to feel irritated

[PooleySpooley]

Have DSDs here this weekend.

Their mother has form for sending them in crap too small clothes which we then replace.

No coats so we buy them, holey shoes etc.

We have in the past taken them to get haircuts when they have been here, which is fine.

This weekend they have come and her partner (who is not a hairdresser) has cut both their hair and it looks bloody awful (they are teenagers).

AIBU to think this is just not on, not good for their self esteem and we are now going to have to take them to get it sorted.

Who they he’ll just decides that suddenly they are a bloody hairdresser?

I would be very concerned why this man was allowed to cut their hair especially teenagers. Most teens wouldn't allow that . As for the rest of your post , those sound worrying more than irritating.

As childish as it seems please keep the new stuff at your house. I bought for dc. Exh sold them on!!

This is very strange. Why was he allowed to cut their hair?

I’m surprised they let him.

Absolutely no idea.

What age teens are they? He must have led them to believe that he was skilled. Ask them if they are happy with his hairdressing skills. I wouldn't be bringing them to get it sorted but your Dh needs to have a word in general about the state of them when they visit. And I agree, any clothes you buy for them should be kept at your house. Their mother is most likely playing you and Dh for fools.

When I say Dh needs to have a word, I mean with their mother, not the kids.

I would also be making sure your dh has a word with them to reiterate about bodily autonomy and that it is fine to say no to things

Will their dad sort it out for them?

Yeah my friend who is my hairdresser is going to sort it out when they come in two weeks.

Nowhere reasonably priced could fit them in today.

It just pisses me off TBH - why can’t she just pay to take them to a qualified hairdresser?

That’s another £20 that she can’t be fucked to spend on her children

Is she working? What’s the story being the shoes with holes in and no coats? Sounds like she has no money?

She works full time (and has a brand new car as part of that job) and we pay her £500 a month.

Her boyfriend lives with her and works too.

Perhaps your dh should apply for full time responsibility of his children. However, the info provided is sparse and professional advice and help is you're route forward.

@Stayawayfromitsmouth

We have been down the professional route and we are not in a position to be able to have the children FT as my DH is in the armed forces.

Surely when he messed up the first Girls hair, the second one objected?

Are they scared of him?

Your DH should be getting to the bottom of this.

Has DH spoken to her about the shoes and lack of coats? £500 is enough per month to buy basics like that.

They don’t like him but they aren’t scared of him.

A few years ago Social Care told the ex she had to get rid of him to avoid further proceedings which she did.

He is now back but they have done fuck all about it and don’t seem to care.

I asked them why they let him do it and they didn’t seem to have an answer. I suggested they do not let him do it again.

Yes over the last 10 years we have addressed it with her on a continual basis.

Poor kids 😢

@GreatDuckCookery

I agree.

We have bedrooms for them here but they are adamant they don’t want to live here full time so it’s really tricky.

If they did want to they could even though DH is away.

We are a long way away from their mother and their schools though.

I guess all you can do is keep on being supportive and kind to them and at least then they know that if they ever want to live with you they have the option. I understand it must be frustrating though OP. Can’t imagine it’s easy being a step parent

If they were my kids I would be so angry.

I guess all you can do then, is be there for the girls and let them know they are welcome to stay whenever they want.
Sounds really awkward and tricky.

She sounds like a negligent parent - can you not get custody?