Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worrying now about our holiday

57 replies

sillymillie · 23/02/2019 09:18

More of a WWYD. Have booked a family holiday end of August, paid a deposit and a lot of money to reserve exit seats on the plane which DH likes. Package so far includes flights and one hotel but need to book another separately for second week.

DS is in first year at university. I checked with him ages ago that he would be free in August and he said yes. Now he tells me that if he fails any of his exams in May the retakes will be exactly when our holiday is. This seems very unlikely as he's doing well and he passed first set of exams easily. The next exams are more of the same modules he's just taken.

He's not at all worried but I am!

I don't have to pay the balance of the holiday until after his results. So worst case scenario is that he has to resit, we don't go and we lose deposit and seat reservation costs. Have checked insurance and it covered for reasons like this. Not that I thought it would!

I think I should wait until after his results to book second hotel.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Sophiesdog11 · 23/02/2019 09:49

I don't think I know anybody who failed their first year exams.

Really? We do, both school and uni friends of DS, and it doesn’t follow it is the ones with low school results. It can sometimes be down to having work ethic and motivation.

As per my previous post, one of his school friends was A* at everything, top of primary, didn’t excel at A level and has scraped through uni with re-sits.

CloserIAm2Fine · 23/02/2019 09:52

YABU

He’s unlikely to fail so chances are it won’t even be an issue

If he does fail then you go without him. He takes it as lesson learned and pulls his socks up for the rest of his degree.

Whisky2014 · 23/02/2019 09:55

I think it's weird you wouldn't go without him

Fishwifecalling · 23/02/2019 09:58

Why on earth wouldn't you go on your own? It's a bit worrying that you are depending on him to be able to enjoy a holiday. He might not want to go next year even if he does go this year. You need to start preparing yourself for this eventuality.

Missingstreetlife · 23/02/2019 10:02

Go with or without, they can still,go on holiday when they are 40 if everyone wants to, pay if you want to.
He's just anxious, don't join in. I never book so early but sometimes have to compromise a bit.

KatharinaRosalie · 23/02/2019 10:03

So if he would fail his exams ( and considering it is possible to pass them and failing would be due to his own decision not to prepare sufficiently), you would reward him by cancelling and re-booking a holiday? Or punishing other family members by cancelling the holiday entirely? Why? If he passes, he can come. If he doesn't, he can't.

BrizzleMint · 23/02/2019 10:08

He's an adult, you need to let him get on with being an adult. DD isn't coming on our family holiday this year because she's travelling abroad for three months, we're all going to miss having her with us but she's an adult and wants to see the world before she settles down.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/02/2019 10:10

I understand that its nicer to have the whole family together with your 18/19 year old whilst that is still a possibility. Holidays together are going to be more difficult to schedule once your offspring leave home.
He's unlikely to fail all of them.
If he does need a resit its probably only one day.
Tell him to save up to buy a one way flight so he can join you after a resit.
If you know in May, there is still plenty of time to buy a one way ticket for August.
In any case, there is nothing you can do about it until you know the outcome of his exams.
Relax. It may never happen. I hope you have a nice holiday x

Dieu · 23/02/2019 10:13

Is your husband on board with this absolutely bonkers idea of missing the holiday?

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 23/02/2019 10:14

Why shouldn't the op want her son to come with her, I think it's lovely that she does. She does not need to get a grip, he's still her family! I genuinely don't understand these responses.
Op, I would wait and book the second hotel, and keep your fingers crossed.

KatharinaRosalie · 23/02/2019 10:16

One way ticket is a good idea, but remember to check the airline terms though - if you have booked a return and don't take the outbound leg, many airlines would cancel the return as well.

Original poster
sillymillie · 23/02/2019 10:17

Thanks Duck.

DH thinks I should just STFU I suspect 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
sillymillie · 23/02/2019 10:19

Thanks Name.

I do honestly realise he's an adult etc etc. But trip booked with the kids in mind to a place I know they're keen on and to bring us all together just for 2 weeks.

OP posts:
TwoleftUggs · 23/02/2019 10:20

Totally misread the OP and thought it was the DH who would miss out. Felt the posts saying go without him were a little harsh. Have re-read and see its DS. Bloody hell, why on earth would you cancel a holiday because an adult DS possibly can’t make it, how ridiculous.
Nobody fails first year exams anyway unless they have monumentally pissed the year away so he would deserve to be missing out to resit anyway then imo.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/02/2019 10:21

He’s 19. Stop overthinking. Why would you lose all your money and miss out on a holiday because of this?? Especially as it isn’t likely to happen. I’d hope your ds wouldn’t want to be babied at this age.

I had terrible migraines during a few of my exams, was vomiting, could hardly sit up let alone give coherent answers and was ill for well over a week. As a result I had to resit one exam - I was in the second year or perhaps first, I forget. I got myself to university and organised staying at someone’s place. When I got there the dirty bugger hadn’t emptied the bins and left the place empty for about 6 weeks. Maggots and flies everywhere. You just get on with it at this age, surely?

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2019 10:22

I would be surprised if the insurance would cover everyone not going on the holiday if he has to resit. He is an adult (I know not in MN world Smile) so I would assume insurance company would expect you to go without him.

Springisallaround · 23/02/2019 10:22

Why on earth would you think he would fail his exams?

Has he failed any exams or assignments to date?

If he hasn't, then it's extremely unlikely he will start now. The majority of students do not fail!

If he's got a history of struggling already it might be more of a consideration.

I think you are overreacting though, because you do still have the option of going yourselves and leaving him to do retakes.

This is honestly such an unlikely scenario though I don't know why you are worried about it. Probably less than 5% of students at the uni I teach at, if not even fewer, do retakes, some years it's a handful. First-years are allowed to 'fail' one course if the rest is all fine, without a retake. There's no reason to think that will be him without some more concrete evidence.

TheInvestigator · 23/02/2019 10:25

He's in uni. You need to cut the cord eventually. It's lovely to have a family holiday but if he's not available then you just go with your husband and leave him at home. I didn't know anyone at uni who would have had a tantrum of their parents went on holiday without them... to be honest, I don't know anyone who went on holiday with their parents cos we spent out summer's going on holiday with friends.

stopitandtidyupp · 23/02/2019 10:26

Can you book it through booking or a site that allows a cancellation.

I do this every year as my ex is very unreliable. Gives me a bit more freedom and isn't that much more.

I have also cancelled in the last week before and found the same room £400 cheaper.

Roussette · 23/02/2019 10:32

It is the first year of Uni ! He is on course to pass!

But if he doesn't the whole family will be penalised and you just won't go?

He's 18! At that age my DCs were going on holiday with their friends and not us. If they ever joined us, it was an honour, but not expected!

Yabbers · 23/02/2019 10:32

You won’t go on holiday if he can’t come??? You are prepared to write off the deposit just because he might not be able to come?

How old will he be when you finally have a holiday alone with your DH?

NChangeForNoReason · 23/02/2019 10:36

EVERYONE passes their 1st year you really have to be slacking to fail - and if he does fail, then he deserves to miss the holiday!!

Is ur son prone to anxiousness and negative thinking?

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 23/02/2019 10:37

Very odd. What are you actually fretting about?
Who wouldn’t go on holiday because on of the party couldn’t make it. But you have insurance that covers if you do.
And he’s an adult that can buy a plane ticket himself to join you out there.
And he shows no sign of failing.

Anyway I would leave booking the second hotel because they get cheaper nearer the day ( unlike flights).

Birdsgottafly · 23/02/2019 10:38

"I don't think we'd go without him if I'm honest!"

Why would you miss out on a holiday, because one Adult couldn't go?

I have Adult children and I know it takes a while to think of them as Adults, who have to get over disappointments, but you have to start to.

MaggieAndHopey · 23/02/2019 10:51

All the posters giving the OP a hard time because she'd like to take her son on holiday - "get a grip" (oh, but "in the nicest possible way", of course - what a weaselly mumsnet phrase that is). It feels like I've stepped into some parallel dimension.

I get that the son is 18/19 but presumably she wants him to go because she'd enjoy his company, he'd enjoy himself, and the family could have some valuable time together, possibly their last holiday as a family - not because she's still tying his shoelaces. Clearly.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.