I met my ex ten years ago; he had two three year olds and I had a two year old. At first he had his DC loads but over the years contact would stop and start, with him doing little to reinstate it if it stopped. He said he felt he was doing his DC a favour by not causing more stress in their lives by taking things to court and that he felt happier without the stress too.
We have three DC together - aged 13 months, 3 and just turned 5 years old. I left him when I was pregnant and he didn't try to stop me. I strongly suspect he was cheating, he was financially and sexually abusive and did nothing in terms of parenting or around the home.
When I left I clearly told him my reasons for leaving, a main one being his lack of responsibility over the DC. He would have days off during the week and I'd still have to do all the packed lunches, nursery runs and get them ready before work while he did nothing. He never bathed, disciplined, put them to bed, looked after them when ill or anything.
After I left he went out getting drunk a lot. He missed the birth of the baby, apparently having fallen asleep, leaving me alone. He's missed birthdays and Christmas. When the baby was newborn, I'd invite him over or we'd have days out but he'd turn up smelling of alcohol, disappear early, be distracted by his phone or just generally uninterested in the DC. After 6 months of this, I said he still wasn't taking responsibility for them as I was still there to parent 24/7 while he just dropped in and out to play now and then. He claimed to be sofa surfing and not in a position to have any of them alone and then proceeded not to see them for months.
A few weeks ago we bumped into him in the supermarket. He messaged me a couple of days later to say he'd missed the DC and would we like to go out at the weekend? By that point one DC was very poorly and another looked to have the same bug coming. I replied telling him this and he said he was staying away then...! We all had a flu type virus over four weeks and I was absolutely on my knees doing everything for everyone, fuming at him for forgetting his responsibilities again. Then yesterday he messaged saying he trusted we're all better now so can he come over at the weekend?
AIBU to want to tell him to fuck off? The DC had pretty much forgotten about him until we bumped into him, and haven't really mentioned him since, I don't want him dropping in and out of their lives forevermore. I haven't been away from the DC since the eldest was born; I would more than welcome a break while he steps up and does some parenting. But he claims to still be sofa surfing and so only wants to see them at my home or with me there.
Subject:
To not want to be present for contact?
Message:
I met my ex ten years ago; he had two three year olds and I had a two year old. At first he had his DC loads but over the years contact would stop and start, with him doing little to reinstate it if it stopped. He said he felt he was doing his DC a favour by not causing more stress in their lives by taking things to court and that he felt happier without the stress too.
We have three DC together - aged 13 months, 3 and just turned 5 years old. I left him when I was pregnant and he didn't try to stop me. I strongly suspect he was cheating, he was financially and sexually abusive and did nothing in terms of parenting or around the home.
When I left I clearly told him my reasons for leaving, a main one being his lack of responsibility over the DC. He would have days off during the week and I'd still have to do all the packed lunches, nursery runs and get them ready before work while he did nothing. He never bathed, disciplined, put them to bed, looked after them when ill or anything.
After I left he went out getting drunk a lot. He missed the birth of the baby, apparently having fallen asleep, leaving me alone. He's missed birthdays and Christmas. When the baby was newborn, I'd invite him over or we'd have days out but he'd turn up smelling of alcohol, disappear early, be distracted by his phone or just generally uninterested in the DC. After 6 months of this, I said he still wasn't taking responsibility for them as I was still there to parent 24/7 while he just dropped in and out to play now and then. He claimed to be sofa surfing and not in a position to have any of them alone and then proceeded not to see them for months.
A few weeks ago we bumped into him in the supermarket. He messaged me a couple of days later to say he'd missed the DC and would we like to go out at the weekend? By that point one DC was very poorly and another looked to have the same bug coming. I replied telling him this and he said he was staying away then...! We all had a flu type virus over four weeks and I was absolutely on my knees doing everything for everyone, fuming at him for forgetting his responsibilities again. Then yesterday he messaged saying he trusted we're all better now so can he come over at the weekend?
AIBU to want to tell him to fuck off? The DC had pretty much forgotten about him until we bumped into him, and haven't really mentioned him since, I don't want him dropping in and out of their lives forevermore. I haven't been away from the DC since the eldest was born; I would more than welcome a break while he steps up and does some parenting. But he claims to still be sofa surfing and so only wants to see them at my home or with me there.