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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Goat, hay and child.

65 replies

Spaceunicorn6789 · 22/02/2019 09:03

We were at the zoo yesterday (me and DP) and they had a little petting zoo area with little goats in. I love goats, so grabbed some hay out of the feeder on the ground, went and sat in a quiet corner and fed the littlest one.

A boy, around 4 or 5 ran up to me and scared the little goat and tried to grab the hay out of my hand (he already had some in the other hand), no parent to be seen. So I said "No, you can't take this hay because it's mine and it isn't nice to grab, you can get some more hay over there is you want though" and smiled. The boy started crying and wandered off.

Now me and DP have been arguing (light heartedly) since yesterday afternoon about this. He thinks I am the most evil Cruella DeVille type in the world for making this boy cry whereas I think you can't just go up and take something from someone else's hand.

WIBU?

mostly lighthearted!

OP posts:
JasperKarat · 22/02/2019 09:05

Petting zoos are really for children, would it have hurt you to share with a small child??

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/02/2019 09:06

I correct other peoples kids too when I see no parent.
YANBU

SoyDora · 22/02/2019 09:06

4/5 is old enough to know not to snatch from people (if he was that old, it’s often difficult to gauge the age of other people’s children. People think my 5 and 3 year olds are twins).
I would have done the same as you.

mcmooberry · 22/02/2019 09:08

No you were quite right not to let him grab the hay out of your hand and some 4/5 year olds cry at the drop of a hat when something doesn't quite go their way so don't worry about it.

Etino · 22/02/2019 09:14

Anyone else thought the OP had this problem?

JassyRadlett · 22/02/2019 09:15

Petting zoos are really for children, would it have hurt you to share with a small child??

^^ Potentially part of the problem, in excusing this sort of behaviour in children old enough to know better.

vgiraffe · 22/02/2019 09:17

I had something similar at a toddler group the other day. An older child (3 or 4 maybe?) snatched a toy cup out of my hand when I was playing with DD. I took it back and as no parent in sight said something along the lines of 'don't snatch please, you can ask nicely if you want this' (if there were other cups available, I might have directed him to those instead, like with your hay). Luckily he didn't tantrum and did ask nicely so I gave him the cup and didn't have to face accusations of bullying someone's child Grin

PinkHeart5914 · 22/02/2019 09:18

It was a child in a petting zoo. Honestly I would of given him some hay tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d feel like a right cow otherwise

No he shouldn’t grab stuff but he was at the zoo and can be excused for being excited as his well a child and surprisingly they don’t always behave correctly

Youandwhosearmy · 22/02/2019 09:33

I thought this was going to be like the fox, hen and grain scenario. Sigh.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 22/02/2019 09:36

With no parents in sight I would have told him not to snatch as well.

But then I don't really care if something is "for children", it doesn't excuse unacceptable behaviour.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/02/2019 09:38

I think you did the right thing. Kids need to learn. I would never have behaved that way as a child, my mum would never have allowed it. Why are kids today so badly behaved??

MaggieAndHopey · 22/02/2019 09:41

ha, yes @Etino! I did!

Of course it wouldn't hurt the OP to share - perhaps if the kid had asked for some of the hay, it would have been different. But at 5, he's old enough not to grab things out of people's hands. Plus he scared the goat away. I dislike tolerance of young children being thoughtless around animals (also see: toddlers gleefully chasing pigeons whilst adults stand around fawning)

Original poster
Spaceunicorn6789 · 22/02/2019 09:43

That's why I went and sat in the quiet corner with the timid goat and not in amongst the 1000000000 children feeding the other 20 odd goats!!!

It must be the school holidays here which I didn't realise when we booked this trio? I was also getting increasingly frustrated at the museum where I was trying to read the boards but children were bashing the buttons to make the screens change but not taking interest in reading. But I accept that button bashing to children is much more interesting than climate change Grin but I don't accept that children can go around grabbing things from other people's hands. I'm not a complete monster, if he had asked nicely I probably would have given it to him to be fair.

OP posts:
Llioed · 22/02/2019 09:46

I’m with you OP. I would have calmly said “you already have some hay and also it’s not very nice to snatch things out of other people’s hands” etc.
To the posters who are saying they would have given the boy some hay, OP said the boy already had some hay in his other hand. So it was greed that made the boy try to snatch hay out of OP’s hand.
Children have to learn. If my daughter did that then I wouldn’t have an issue with another adult calmly explaining it’s not nice to snatch.
Well done OP.

Reallyevilmuffin · 22/02/2019 09:47

You were 100% right. Enabling the behaviour will cause the child problems later. I would not stand from it from my children.

BuildingBackUp · 22/02/2019 09:48

I would be wary about aging little kids tbh.

My ds1 had an ‘old’ face from a year old. He was very, very tall for his age (same height as plenty of 4 years olds) with a thick head of hair. He was also a calm, quite serious and solemn looking toddler, giving him a general appearance of being older.

At age 2 he was constantly mistaken for being 4 or 5 by strangers - people would ask him shouldn’t he be in school when we were out or talk to him like you would a 5 year old, expecting a proper reply. People were totally gobsmacked when I told them he was 2.

I would have said no don’t snatch - but then shared some anyway, seeing as it’s a kids activity.

MaggieAndHopey · 22/02/2019 09:52

Actually that's true Building - I had an older looking toddler too. Now at 11 she looks more like 15.

RedFeltHeart · 22/02/2019 09:52

You were right, OP.

He will be told at nursery/school not to snatch; he should be having that message reinforced at home too.

That he sees it's a rule that applies to the wider world too won't do him any harm. At what age do we accept that snatching isn't acceptable?

I wouldn't have given it to him either and I'm a teacher.

RedFeltHeart · 22/02/2019 09:54

I'm not a complete monster, if he had asked nicely I probably would have given it to him to be fair

And that's the difference.

"What lovely manners, of course you can have some hay. Thank you for asking so politely."

Is a far more positive message than just giving it to a child who snatches.

Barbarafromblackpool · 22/02/2019 09:55

YANBU

fargo123 · 22/02/2019 09:56

But then I don't really care if something is "for children", it doesn't excuse unacceptable behaviour.

Ditto.

OP, you were not in the slightest bit unreasonable. The parents need to teach their child some manners.

Bambamber · 22/02/2019 09:56

YANBU kids need to learn these things

thecatsthecats · 22/02/2019 09:56

A little bit of caution with strangers won't do him any harm, then there's the supervision angle.

You do need to be a bit careful feeding goats because they nip and chew at anything, so he should really be looked over by a parent whilst he does it.

Hoppinggreen · 22/02/2019 10:03

I usually hiss at small children’s who approach me unaccompanied
It works

derxa · 22/02/2019 10:04

I don't get feeding the goats at all.