To be tired of DM speaking negatively of my ILs?

[pinktrenchcoat]

Wasn't too sure of a word but since getting with my now DH, my DM seems to have taken a dislike to him and his family.

For background I grew up, I wouldn't say poor as we were always provided for, but with DM struggling to make ends meet. She went through spells of employment (such as cleaning) off the books and also had a long term job which she also didn't declare her money for, until she was let go when the business shut down. DM was out of employment but now works 5 hours a day in a school setting meaning she has school holidays and weekends off.

My ILs own their own house and my MIL does not work as she is a carer for an elderly relative. My DM seems to begrudge this as she thinks it's lazy and in her terms "unfair" that my ILs can afford holidays when only one is working. However my FIL works 10 hours a day, 6 days a week and from what DH has told me they were never lavish spenders when he was growing up as they had a mortgage. DM on the other hand has always rented and spent most of her money on nights out.

In no way am I now looking down on my own DM but I'm exhausted with her constant digs about my DH and we argue regularly about whether it's "luck" that some people are more well off, or whether it's down to hard work. It's at the point where I just walk away from the conversation and she becomes more angry, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

You need to do some straight talking with her. Tell her that both PIL work - one doing 10 hour days 6 days per week and the other being a carer which can be both physically and emotionally demanding. They have worked hard to pay their mortgage and get to where they are today. That doesn't mean your DM hasn't worked hard too. They just made different choices.

I would tell her that you are not going to have the conversation again and that you find it upsetting that she is so negative about them. Walk away every time she talks about it ('Im not having this conversation again so I'm going. Goodbye').

Would it help if she was included in social occasions with them so they develop some sort of friendship?

Maybe she regrets her life choices and is envious of not having bought her home but jealousy is a very unpleasant emotion.

Working hard and being lucky are often confused, it all depends on one's perspective.

It's not really about the income but about how it's spent. Your mother chose short term pleasures such as nights out, your inlaws saved it up for the bigger things such as holidays. If you added up the money your mother spent on her nights out, chances are she'd be shocked at what she's spent.

But the best way though is to make the entire subject a no-go area. My DM and I have similar on political issues. There are two specific topics we do not discuss because we know it will cause fights.

NewFone yes that's exactly it, my DM has never really planned long term so others are now enjoying the benefits of saving whilst young and sacrificing nights out etc.

I do think DM is jealous and sees me as "siding" with them when I disagree with her
Do you have children OP?
Cos she's most likely going to have a problem with your choice of parenting style as well, especially if you refuse to do things the way she did them.