My partner is wonderful in every aspect however I’m managing one issue badly. we fall out about his brother (he often asks for money-talking hundreds of pounds) I get told not to ask him to choose between him and his brother. To make this very clear I’m not asking for this, I’m asking my partner to say no to the constant asking for money. His sister also constantly asks for money (the last was for €2000). I’m a teacher I won’t earn this sort of money. We say no and the family doesnt hold a grudge as far as I can tell (they don’t speak English and live abroad so I’m not 100% but we Skype and my partner translates and it all seems lovely. I’m learning to speak the language.) we send money home to mum as she does not have a pension to live on despite working hard all her life.
But we disagree on one major thing. His sisters and brothers fiancée do not work. They can work. They have no children under the age of 9. There are three sisters and one fiancée of a brother. None work. I understand it’s cultural. However, I feel like we work hard, and instead of us giving them money they could work. It’s Albania. Many women now work! When we have these discussions he understandably becomes defensive as I think he feels I’m attacking his family. I’ve written conversations down to try and phrase things the best I can, but it does not seem to have helped. Tonight he had a little alcohol and now he says he doesn’t want to get married and the fact i have a career and get stressed is because I’m not good enough. I haven’t achieved anything. My career is meaningless and is somehow failure in his eyes. I’m a secondary school teacher, I work hard and take a lot of pride in what I do. I think I might be good at it, not amazing, but I work hard and I think the kids appreciate it. They say as much and they’re usually harsh critics ha! I love my job. To hear he thinks I have to do it because I’ve somehow failed as a woman, that somehow I’m not quite good enough to be a housewife, when it’s literally my greatest achievement, has pretty much left me bereft. My kids, and yes I do call them my kids, are my pride and joy. He’s never said anything like tonight before, we’ve only been engaged a year, I’m a little worried it’s the truth coming out. Does he really think my job is all for nothing? I’m an advanced skills teacher, I have a masters, I work really hard, I love it. But he’s made it really clear he sees it as a failure. If I was a good enough woman I’d have found a man who would let me stay at home. Now I don’t know what to think. Help. Please?!