I have three children (11,10 and 6). My youngest two have autism/adhd and sensory processing issues. My youngest also cannot talk and has a severe expressive language disorder.
I have spent this evening sobbing because I’m so scared for their futures. I’m panicked about dying, what if I get into a car accident and they’ve just got their dad. What if they can’t cope with the future (the 10 is saying more and more about wishing they were dead, that they’re useless).
I don’t go out anymore and we’re in such an area where there are very few children with Sen that it hurts seeing people living a “normal” life. I’m selfishly mourning the life I will never ever have. I can’t stop worrying. I can’t stop feeling angry and sad and grieving for all that life should’ve been. And I know people have it worse than we do. That there are many out there whose lives are so much worse than mine. It all just feels too much somedays. I want my children to have the best life and I feel I’m failing as I’m trying to teach them as much as I can but somedays it’s all we can do to get through the day.