How do i stop feeling anger on my kids behalf?

[Fullofregrets33]

Hi i know I am being unreasonable but can anyone give me any tips to control myself lol

First off, In a woman in my 30s with two kids age 5 and 8. Due to many reasons I suffer from social anxiety and i don't have any friends. I really, really don't want the same to happen to my children.
I know kids will be kids and I would never say anything to my kids, their friends or their parents about it, but if they get snubbed, or not invited somewhere for example, I feel insanely angry about it on their behalf.

Ive just seen one of my kids friends have been out with another child from school today, absolutely fine, but i feel stupidly jealous. I was also told they were busy this week so that's why couldn't see my child.

I don't voice my feelings as I say but is it normal to feel so upset about these things? My kids are only young and I feel this can only get worse. I know its completely normal for kids not to invite others etc and not everyone will want to be your friend. How do i step back?

Anyone?

They were busy. They were seeing the other child. Get them signed up to an extra-curricular activity, they'll meet different children there.

When your busy with your own life you stop worrying what others are doing.

In other words, when your busy going here and there with your kids, seeing family members- things like "Oh- I saw my kids friend with another child but her parent said she/he was busy"....wouldn't bother you anymore.

It does hurt and I'll be angry too on your child's behalf but if your children seem happy- I wouldn't worry. This may be a good time to invite other DC's friends to play out with.

In the example you’ve given obviously that friend was busy seeing someone else so no need to feel like your child was snubbed/left out.

I think you know you’re putting your feelings into the children and it’s great that you recognise this. It’s hard to not get upset on our children’s behalf but it’s all about putting things in balance.

Using the above example I did a one on one play date with my child and her best friend. The reason it was just them was that the girls were best friends at preschool and are now in different classes at school but are missing seeing each other and it was nice for them to do something just the two of them. It wasn’t about excluding anyone just facilitating that friendship.

So maybe it would be helpful for you to try and see the reasons behind why things are the way they are and what you would do in that situation.

In general do your children meet up with friends outside of school?

They may have made previous earlier plans with the other child, do not take it to heart.

I do get very angry when my child is hurt by another child physically, or emotionally that is also part of growing up. But I do not let my children see that.

When you love someone you feel their pain so deeply it is a visceral emotion. I think we are hard wired to feel like this so we protect our offspring

But your child does not have exclusive rights over another child You sound very intense

Ive just seen one of my kids friends have been out with another child from school today, absolutely fine, but i feel stupidly jealous. I was also told they were busy this week so that's why couldn't see my child.

But they were busy, they had other arrangements, with a healthy circle of friends, prearrangements, not all of which you will be privvy to.

I think you need to takea step back and assume automatically that there has been some wilful exclusion at the detriment of your child. you should be encouraging a wide circle of friendship groups.

At the risk of stating the obvious - and I really dont mean to come across as bolshie - have you looked at ways of managing your social anxiety ?