I have never started a post before although I have commented on other threads, and not even sure if this is the right place.
I have also changed name because I have a weird paranoia about someone knowing who I am - like anyone would care.
My youngest is about to leave home for college. The eldest already left and I just about got through it because the youngest was still around.
The youngest had a hard start in life, very seriously ill, lucky to be here, so going to college should be a cause for great celebration. We are so very proud of him, He has worked hard at absolutely everything in life and he deserves this success.
He hasn't even gone yet and I keep getting overwhelmed with uncontrollable sobbing. I have managed to keep it from him - he is so excited, he also didn't expect to be going to college so its all very exciting for him - as it should be.
People keep cracking jokes like, "don't get too excited, the buggers always come back"... or "counting the minutes until I get my freedom back".... I just can't chuckle with them.
I know some people will probably think I am a complete wet dishcloth, but I've gotten on really well with my kids, we have a nice unit, especially with the youngest we have fought so hard together - its been a hideous journey but we made it. And now he is leaving.
I have a good job and a lovely husband but I can't see joy in my life when they aren't going to be around.
I know I need to let them fly the nest and have adventures, and of course I am encouraging him massively. But I feel a deep and selfish sadness that this chapter is closing.
I don't know what I am asking really, and I am just rambling. I just feel really alone with it.