AIBU to still not be over my termination?

[raspberrylime123]

Had a surgical abortion in May 2018, so about 9 months ago. I've been so back and forth about it - I was backed into a corner when it happened by my ex and felt I had no choice, hence why I went through with it. After I felt sort of unaffected? I don't think I really connected the action to the result, then fast forward a couple of months and I've since just found it impossible to deal with.

I miss my baby all the time. I've had counselling, etc, didn't help even slightly. I feel like I'm getting annoying, I feel like everytime I mention it to my new partner/parents/sister/friend that they're all just willing me to shut up.. they've never indicated they feel this way so maybe it's in my head, I just feel like nobody close to me understands how heartbroken I feel despite it being a choice I made? I just want a baby, it's all I think about.

It's not taboo, well, it is- until you say it. When it's out there, and said, it turns out that it's common, and that people are there for you. Say it. Aloud. You'll find that women are with you and will support you and understand you. At least that's my experience

Oh OP, you must allow yourself to grieve. The circumstances aren’t important and you shouldn’t EVER have to to justify a termination. I doubt very much that you took the decision lightly so you must be kind to yourself.

I have had a termination followed by 2 miscarriages. After tearing myself to pieces over it I finally accepted it and moved on. Counselling plus antidepressants helped enormously.

I fiercely defend a woman’s right to choose.

It’s not even a year yet and as you would have been due around now I’m not surprised you’re not ‘over it’. I’m not sure you’ll ever ‘be over’ it...& I wouldn’t want to be the sort of person who was ‘over it’. For most women it’s a big decision and one you just have to live with going forward.

FWIW - I think you did the right thing for yourself and for your potential baby. Neither of you deserve to be tied to your ex for the next 20+ years. Try to focus on the fact that the child’s life wouldn’t have been happy and yours would have been hell.

You set your baby free, it’s one to set yourself free from the guilt. Start by imagining it as a cluster of cells and not a baby.

It’s hard when all your friends have children, but your time will come. Don’t be in a hurry to get pregnant with your new DP, give that plenty of time to see where it’s going and to make sure he’s a good one.

reindeermania
I would love to just say it out loud, but my new boyfriends family are very pro-life and he worries that it would get back to them because he knows I'd get backlash from it. Plus it feels like such a mess because I lied at the time, my cousin knew I was pregnant because I'm close to her and planned to keep it, but she was going through IVF so I told her it was a miscarriage. Just feels like saying it out loud could be messy.