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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How can I stop this bothering me

33 replies

SartBimpson · 20/02/2019 21:22

Nc. I work in a small branch of a large company. There's my manager (I'll call him Bob), me (deputy manager) and a team of volunteers.

Last year, Bob was rarely in. He would take his AL in single days and by summer had hardly done a full week. He must have noticed his AL rapidly going down so started having sick days here and there. Bob had a serious illness a couple of years ago which although he's all clear from now, it means his sick days are never questioned.

Anyway, towards the end of the year he started just having days off and not declaring them. He constantly questioned my entitlement (I had quite a few left as I'm rarely off) and I found emails to our area manager suggesting mine weren't correct.

I've tried to ignore it but tbh it's pissing me off. Since our AL reset on 1/1, Bob has had 7 AL days, 3 sick days and 2 'unofficial' ones. I'm exhausted carrying our department but I know nothings will happen if I report him. He's worked for the company for 20 years and has good results, area manager would turn a blind eye. I haven't been there long and would undoubtedly come out the villain.

Sorry for long post. I just need to learn to not let it get to me so am asking for help from you all for that!

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 20/02/2019 21:24

3 options:

Suck it up, get on with your job
Report him and accept the consequences
Leave for a better job

Original poster

SartBimpson · 20/02/2019 21:32

I'm trying my best to do option 1 Shirley but struggling. Especially after another message today saying he'll be off tomorrow. Any coping mechanisms? I love my job and don't want to leave

OP posts:

FlamingoFlamenco · 20/02/2019 22:42

Don't carry him as you said you do.

Do your own work, and eventually the boss will notice Bobs work not being done.

Or do one of the suggestions Shirley gave you.

Original poster

SartBimpson · 20/02/2019 22:56

Unfortunately we do the same job so no one would notice. It's retail. Thanks for the reply though, I'll just have to get on with it I suppose.

OP posts:

Treble9 · 20/02/2019 22:59

The only thing you can control here is how you choose to respond to the situation. You cannot control his actions or behaviours. If you know that you cannot change the situation regardless then you need to choose to let it go and not allow it to affect you.

Acknowledge that you can only control how you react, not how he behaves and then let it go - as soon as I learned to do this my working days became better.
You are not responsible for carrying him and you owe him nothing.
Chew some gum.
Redirect your thoughts.
Record the work you do, your attendance and your leave.
Perform your job role only. No one will thank you for doing more, and the more you do the more will be expected.

Caselgarcia · 20/02/2019 23:01

Suggest a computerised work calendar accessible by all employees so you can all log A/L under the guise of ensuring people can plan in advance. If he takes a day off update the spreadsheet.

Maelstrop · 20/02/2019 23:02

Tell your manager whilst showing that you have only taken authorised days off.

Original poster

SartBimpson · 20/02/2019 23:07

Treble thank you, that's really helpful. I'll definitely try to apply that way of thinking.

He would never agree to the calendar as there's only the 2 of us and he knows his game would be up!

Wish I had the balls to report him, I really do. He can be quite a nasty individual to boot but I'm trying to not let that cloud me.

OP posts:

Original poster

SartBimpson · 20/02/2019 23:08

Also, the trouble with reporting him is I don't have proof. He could easily deny having those days off.

OP posts:

MoviesT · 20/02/2019 23:16

You have to live with this I think, but can you create a need to ask a question up the chain on some of Bobs unofficial days off (e.g. is it okay for me to take leave on X day? - really need to know right now for Y really good reason) and mention that you would normally ask Bob but he’s not in ...I would suggest don’t play this game too often but it might give you a bit of joy.

Gulsink · 20/02/2019 23:26

Punch Bob in the face.
But seriously, maybe he gets disability sick leave. It's still none of his business questioning your entitlement though.

GreenTulips · 20/02/2019 23:31

Who does he request days off from and who does he ring in sick to?

What happens when he doesn’t show up for work?

I think you need to find a line manager and log each one or request that he reports to someone higher up than you for those days etc?

Treble9 · 20/02/2019 23:36

@SartBimpson

Last year, I was so stressed and affected by my job that I ended up in A&E with palpitations etc. It was that incident that triggered me to really consider what I could do to prevent that level of stress and anxiety happening again.

I sat down and proper psychoanalysed myself and my character traits etc to find out more about my triggers, emotional intelligence and baseline traits I revert to in times of stress. Then I went about researching how to combat those things and I actually wrote it all out in a diary. I still refer to it now to help keep myself on track. I actually had to write out all the ways that I could reduce my stress and chill out, and reduce the negativity I had in my life.

It's a carthartic exercise. I had to be really honest with myself and really acknowledge my weaknesses, but it's really helped me to be able to cope better.

Treble9 · 20/02/2019 23:37

Once you make a conscious decision to nit let something or done one affect you, you regain control.

Treble9 · 20/02/2019 23:38

*not

Treble9 · 20/02/2019 23:38

*someone

Bloody autocorrect!

FanSpamTastic · 21/02/2019 01:15

Every time Bob is not in call up head office to ask a question about something. When they say "ask Bob", tell them "sorry Bob's not here he's on leave/off sick/no idea where he is".

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 21/02/2019 01:37

Bobs time off is between him & his line manager. Not you .

Original poster

SartBimpson · 21/02/2019 08:17

We enter our hours weekly and then area manager approves them. Bob naturally does this as he's the manager but I do them if he's not in. Obviously if I do them I'll put the correct working hours down but he doesn't.
IfOnly it affects me when I'm doing two people's jobs on a regular basis.

Treble I'm sorry you went through that, glad to hear you're in a better place. I will definitely be taking the advice on board.

OP posts:

Berthatydfil · 21/02/2019 08:26

Does your organisation have a whistle blowing policy?
It seems so unfair that he can get away with being paid for work he’s not doing while you do his and your job.
What would happen if you became ill or had to have an emergency day off ?
These days off are obviously stressing you.
If you say it’s your word against bobs surely the others on site would back you up to say he didn’t attend work? Also are there other things like logging into emails or cctv that could prove he didn’t attend work.
I can’t agree with the others saying for you to suck it up - it will never get resolved and he will continue taking the mickey while you just get more and more stressed.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/02/2019 08:53

Report the emails he sent questioning your annual leave. You may not be able to prove he’s had unauthorised time off, but this is concrete proof that he’s overstepped the mark. Send your area manager a calm, factual email with copies of these attached stating that Bob has never asked you directly about your leave entitlement and, as he is not your line manager, he is in no position to do so. State that you consider his making false accusations to management to be bullying and that you will be formalising the complaint should it happen again.

Original poster

SartBimpson · 21/02/2019 09:28

Still he is my line manager. Area manager mentioned the emails to me on the phone and said I'm not sure what Bob's problem is, I said I don't either but was aware of the emails. Nothing has been said since. As I said, the company turns a blind eye to things if you're department is performing well and they would find it much easier to get rid of me than Bob.

We do have a whistle blowing policy but it would be obvious who'd made the complaint.

OP posts:

talktoo · 21/02/2019 09:42

Well they would not be better off choosing him over you as you are the one doing the lion's share if the work. I would look for another job. I would also upon departure send a very brief but clear email to everyone explaining why you are leaving. Keep a record of all days Bob has not worked. That he has claimed to work is fraud.

Original poster

SartBimpson · 21/02/2019 09:48

I've kept a diary of his days off in case I ever need it. I think I'll have to look for something else which is a shame, I really do enjoy my job there and get on great with the rest of the team.

OP posts:

GregoryPeckingDuck · 21/02/2019 09:54

I think you should email him each time he doesn’t come in to ask whether he’s taken the day off just to create a paper trail. Once you have a good record stop doing him job and make a complaint as per whistleblowing. If the try to fire you you then have good evidence.

In the meantime please find yourself a better job.

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